Clover Lane

I love writing my kids letters but often life gets busy and I just forget.  A friend told me that instead of scrapbooking she opened email accounts for each of her children, even as babies, and sends them letters.  Isn't that the greatest idea ever?  I know my oldest son told me that he read the letters Jeff and I wrote him every day to get through high school.  It means more than we think.  I think birthday letters are the best, but I want to do it more.

I mentioned this before, but a friend's grandfather I met and loved recently passed away and one of the special things he was known for was his notes to his children and grandchildren.  It was such a gift to get one of these notes, and it made them all feel loved and incredibly special.  My own mother is great at sending a little card or note.

If you have any neat traditions or ways to remember to do this, could you leave them in the comments?

Thinking:
I mentioned awhile ago that when I couldn't go to Mass I started listening to homilies on podcasts.
One of my favorite priests is Father Matt Pennington, out of San Luis Obispo CA, a place I never knew existed and after a little investigation seems like Utopia.  He never fails to inspire me and guide me and comfort me-I listen in the car, or on a walk, or when I clean my kitchen floor.

Playing:

Janey received these paint markers for her birthday and she loves them.  They feel like glue sticks, but the paint goes on dry and they are so fun to use-one of those easy things for a parent/child activity because they are fun for us too-even the boys were sitting around the table using them.

Another cute gift that we both :) enjoyed, and is half price at Amazon right now-we loved it enough that I would buy it again for Christmas and keep a few on hand for birthday gifts.



Reading:

Thinking-
That August and September are beautiful months, my favorites, but are the months of mothering sentimentality and nostalgia.  Something about the way the air feels, the crunchy leaves, the chillier mornings, the beginning of change, and the bright bright sun just breed a little bit of something that always makes me feel contented and uneasy at the same time.

Playing-
This big soccer net was begged for at the beginning of summer with the promise it would be used daily and I have to say it was worth it and they really keep their promise.


The sweetest little sticker books ever-on a certain little girl's birthday list.  I spotted a cute group of girls with these at a swim meet this summer and had to write down the title and brand.  (So fun buying for a little girl because I just really want it for myself.)

Reading:
At our bedsides:

I think I should have a regularly scheduled post of things I discovered after 25 years of parenting that I wished I had been enlightened with long ago, or had been more self-assured and passionate about doing, or had learned from friends and thought "that's genius, why am I not doing this".  Things I wish I had done better right from the start.

Here is one of them:  If your children are capable of doing something themselves than they should be doing it themselves.

Maybe not ALL the time but most of the time.  Enough to be efficient and successful at it.  Enough that we parents are not work horses and maids, but instead get to talk after dinner, relax, enjoy a meal made for us or cleaned up after us, a moderately clean and organized house, and not run on empty all the time or constantly hire things out.  Enough that we should be asking every time we are doing something, who else here is capable of this?

Imagine all the chores and duties that would be off our plates if we implemented this.  It's really an art, this delegation and very very young children can be taught to do many many things.  All one has to do is read a history book to know that children were watching siblings, cooking meals, baking, walking long distances to fetch water or food, hunting, working in factories, running errands, washing clothes, and on and on and on.

I get that sometimes it is easier to do things ourselves.  And I don't think children will be crippled if they can't be completely self-sufficient at a certain age.

But why not enjoy this contribution to our household, so, well, parenting is more enjoyable?  And how awesome that it benefits both them AND us, and the benefits are probably far greater for them than us.  Self-esteem is built, not by words, but by accomplishments and feeling self-sufficient and capable.  Life skills!

I know there are many many way too complicated chore systems, but it does NOT have to be complicated.  It can be a list on the fridge, a daily and weekly checklist, in addition to just asking at the moment.  There are tons of options but the system doesn't matter as much as the fact that they are doing things.

How to do it:

1. Write down everything that needs to be done daily, weekly or monthly in the home, and then try to delegate as much as possible to the children.  They can keep a whole house clean-they live in it for free, why not?  They can learn to take care of their things, their bodies, their clothes, their food as soon as they are capable, and us mothers have a huge tendency to underestimate their capabilities.

2. Teach them at a young age HOW to do everything.  Whether it's making their beds, cleaning a toilet, making cookies, or a quick breakfast, packing their lunches, vacuuming and mopping, cutting the lawn, picking weeds, stripping their beds down and remaking, putting clothes away, etc.  We need to spend time upfront to teach and practice.  The time and patience this takes will pay off incredibly in saved time for us.

3. Be consistent and firm.  Don't feel guilty.  I promise you once they get older you will be thanking your lucky stars you did this, even if it's met with some resistance.

4. Be positive and encouraging and complementary even if there needs to be correction or do-overs.

5. Create habits-which does have everything to do with consistency and when they are young a picture chart might come in handy.  Make the bed, empty the dishwasher, load the dishwasher after dinner, always bring your plate to the sink, wipe off the sink, put shoes away.  Habits are hard to break and easier to enforce and the younger they begin to learn habits the smoother the household runs.

Also, busyness is not an excuse.  As my kids got older their extra-curricular and outside job schedule in addition to studying gave them very little time at home, and although I think it's okay to slack off a little, if a teen has time to spend on their phone, or go out, they have time to keep their rooms cleaned and wipe down a bathroom and care for their things.  That's called learning to "adult"-time management skills and priorities are essential to life.  And really, being clean takes minutes, not hours, if a system is in place.

Some practical tips:

Initial organization done by us makes it easier for kids to know where things are kept and where they are put away.  It does not have to be Pinteresty it just has to be obvious. (A basket where the toys go, and drawers with labels or pictures, etc.) . Making everything easy to reach, and obvious and time-saving is the key.

-Clorox wipes (the extra strong ones work well to wipe down showers and tubs), Windex wipes, Pledge wipes, and Swiffers, make everything easier and less complicated to clean.  I keep the wipes in every bathroom.  Here is my laundry system that I use.

I am gearing up emotionally for a couple weeks of big transitions and that dreaded word: change.  School is starting soon and for the first time in decades I will have no little ones home during the day (there was a brief time for four months when I was pregnant with Patrick, and Andrew was in preschool that I was home alone for a couple hours-I went out and bought a puppy go figure!)

We will also only have three children home as my third goes off to college.  I helped moved my oldest to his own apartment in Washington DC-no roommates finally and he is thrilled to be on his own, working hard at a job he loves and meeting new people in a big city.  Our nest gets smaller.  I don't dare take out a leaf in the kitchen table-it just seems like I bought that big long table anyways, so we could all fit, with room for a high chair.  Now, like a boat listing, we will weigh heavy on one end.

This is when I am told, I start thinking about all the things that are just for me.  Maybe a part-time job, volunteering, hobbies, exercise classes, time to cook in peace, to get the worn house in shape and to heal from a health crisis-what makes my soul sing?  That is a wonderful question to be able to ask. What an opportunity to have this time and so many choices.  We worked hard for it, having the gift of being home full-time all those years, giving 24/7, but now the days stretch before me, no little ones to tend to-that has always been by soul's favorite familiar song.  I anticipate a too-quiet house, toys put away, no little voices and pitter-patters.

I am so anxious about the first day of everyone back to school, tears fill my eyes thinking about it. I know that transitions are difficult until the new normal settles.  If I don't gloss the past with sentimentality (something I have a tendency to do), some of those years I couldn't wait for the routine of school to start, for a little more structure to our days, and a little more calmness-some days stretched me to my breaking points, some made me wish for just a moment alone in the bathroom for God's sake.  But I gave them my all, and I wouldn't trade a thing for that blessed opportunity to share my days no matter what they ended up like.  Now the season of little ones home are gone-they seem to have flown by, just like all those old ladies said they would.

Embracing change is the key to enjoying life, especially at my age.  I am going to try hard to look at all the gains I will be experiencing and not the losses, because there are so many gains.  I am going to focus on how grateful I was to experience decades of at-home mothering of littles.  I attended a beautiful funeral this summer and one of the gentleman's famous words were "How lucky we are to feel this way."  Think of how many of life's moments this applies to-loss, and sorrow, grief and exhaustion and of course all the good moments too.

How lucky am I to feel a loss because that means I truly appreciated and adored a long season of life.  How lucky I am to feel grief because that means I truly loved my time with my children with every part of myself.  How lucky I am to feel discontentment because that means I once felt very content. And, more so than ever, how lucky I am to be alive, to celebrate a new beginning.