Merry Christmas!


Merry Christmas!

Love, Sarah, Isaac & Cecilia, Abbey, Matthew, Andrew, Patrick, Janey and Sammy


Searching For Peace

I’m loving this book but pacing myself - one little sentence or paragraph at a time because it is rich and powerful and contains deep truth. 

Twice yesterday I came across completely randomly this Bible verse-“In quietness and confidence is your strength.” {Isaiah 30:15}

I wasn’t reading the Bible, or doing anything a bit holy. Trust me when I say it was very random. It happened to strike me the first time because it seemed to be an answer to a frustration I had with myself for being inconsistent with something I wished to do-boundaries- and knew was best for my soul healing. Do you ever get so frustrated with how many times you need to learn a lesson over and over again? Are there people out there that don’t? They just learn the first time? That’s what I tend to think- to imagine that there are completely balanced, always sensible, always consistent, methodical people and I somehow do not have that secret sauce whether it be laziness, moods, disorganization, outside circumstances that I could have avoided- if I had taken care of this, not scheduled that, had the car fixed earlier, found that lump earlier, asked these questions sooner, exercised every day - if I was perfect in a sense - I could avoid pain and hardship and just skate through my life and everything would work out. If I was only better dammit.



This was my view all weekend from my bed fighting off an infection from my final drain site and incision area.  Compare it to mastitis but of the leg.  My friend sent me a card that says “Damn boobs nothing but trouble” and it made me laugh so hard.  

My first failed reconstruction was the “easy” way (still not easy nothing about reconstruction is easy ever) where an expander was put in under my skin where my breast had been removed.  This expander slowly gets pumped up over a few weeks so the skin stretches and an implant can be inserted in its place.  My body rejected, with a painful infection, the expander mid way through the process and I had to have an emergency surgery to remove it.  This was about a month and a half after 5 months of chemo and it really was one of the lowest points of my life, for various reasons.