Clover Lane

This isn't just for older toddlers, but bored, or whiny, waiting-in-line, or car riding children of all ages (and I mean all-I've asked these of teenagers.)  It does two things-distracts, and also shows them that we are so interested in what they think and like and how their minds work.

It's so simple it's silly but I was reminded of this game on vacation when it was used with a whiny to-be-kindergartener that couldn't walk another step on a long hike back up a mountain.  We also play this at night when I don't feel like reading a book-they beg for it!

It's just a long bunch of quick simple questions-as long as you need it to be.

It started out being called "the liking game" and then another version was called "would you rather", and another version "guess who". 

What would you rather have - a chocolate bar or Skittles?
Would you rather have -spaghetti and meatballs or a hamburger?
What do you like better-orange or blue?
What do you like better-chocolate or vanilla?
What do you like better-Halloween or Christmas?
Would you rather live in a big city or the country when you grow up?
Do you like the beach or the mountains?
Would you rather be stuck on a boat or an elevator?
Would you rather hold a cock roach or a snake?

The "guess who game" is one little hint at a time about family members and close friends until they guess who it is.  We also do this with fairy tales, stories, and princesses that the younger kids are familiar with.  It cracks us up how quickly they get these.  Shows you how much they really do pay attention!

The possibilities are endless and kids LOVE this really-and can play for hours.

This is another little miracle I found over the years in dealing with toddlers.  Sometimes they can easily react to the busyness of the day beginning-we have an agenda as mothers, especially the mothers of many, of things we want to do that day and things that need to get done.  And routines are so important for ALL of us.  But I found that many grouchy, obstinate, whiny toddlers can quickly change to having a great day if we just slow down, even for a few minutes and hold them, hug them, talk to them, or read to them, or set up some little toy for them---almost like they needed to 'touch home base' (literally connect with us through physical closeness) before they set off on their day.  Suddenly the clinginess can stop, and it changes their whole demeanor.

It's funny that the more I have written on raising babies and toddlers and little children, the more I realize the answer is "know thy child" and "trust your mother heart".  It's almost always the answer-which is such a blessing to realize because it means there is little use for experts in this equation-we are the experts in most cases, about our own children.  If I wracked my brain I could give 1,000 really good examples of me finding this out in real life through my own experiences.

Janey was the clingiest baby and toddler to me-one could say it was (is, because she still is sometimes) a part of her personality.  I could also contribute it to her birth order-being the last of six, and seeing everyone walk in and out of the door so many times a day, with friends visiting also, and then not understanding why some siblings were gone for weeks and months at college, and then came home only to leave again.  Imagine that in a little one's head!  Most likely it is a combination of both.

But it is what it is-she was velcro to me day and night.  I sometimes wondered if this was 'healthy', but I didn't wonder much-because of my experiences and also because I had bigger fish to fry, like laundry and meals, to "wonder" much about something so little.

Today there is SO much advice on this I feel-and pressure!  Preschools now offer programs that begin at 18 months, and I've been told by the young mom crowd that this can feel very competitive to them-what if all these kids have a head up on learning and their child "falls behind"?  (I felt the same as a new mom and when I look back I regret early preschool that I enrolled my oldest in so much-it was so traumatic for something so completely unnecessary, as few times as it happened.) Moms feel forced into it, and although some little ones are just fine, there is a lot of tears and fears in others that are just supposed to be ignored as the child "gets used to it".  Independence is stressed so much, along with socialization (for babies!?) and "getting used" to being away from mom.

I think though, security is the rock of real independence and babies and toddlers need that rock to come back to, some more often than others.  Trust is so important.  And most important all of these little people we are talking about are so different.  And rushing them and pushing them and wishing they were someone else (comparisons!) is not good for them or healthy for us. Sometimes it is just purely heartbreaking for all involved.  And yes, we all "get used" to things in life, but that does not mean these things are the right things to get used to, or don't create more problems that come out in other ways.  It is good and healthy for little ones to be home with mom-they aren't missing a thing that can't be replicated at home.

My friend told me a story about her sister's little girl who sounded so much like Janey, even more so! Never left her side well past preschool age, and was just always "right there" were ever the mom turned.  The term "velcro baby" would be used correctly here and it took her a long long time to grow out of it.  People would offer advice mainly about how to get her "away" and on her own as quickly as possible.  Her mother just let her be-let her be who she was and enjoyed the time she knew would end one day (as she is a mom of many and very wise).  And this velcro baby, toddler and child is now a young adult, living and traveling all over the WORLD on her own.  If that isn't true independence I don't know what is.

Janey has grown so much this past year-waiting a year for preschool after a rough start last year has worked so well for her-she is so confident and happy about it every day.  I can see her independence in all things grow as she makes sense of the world and what her siblings are doing and where everyone is and truly can now understand it all.  I see her trying new things, and sometimes deciding not to do so just yet, but just to hold back and observe.  As the youngest she gets the benefit of me knowing how fast these years go and that there should be NO RUSH in those years, but just deep appreciation for who she is and what stage of development she is as she becomes a lovely person-exactly who God meant her to be.

There is an age between the time when a baby starts toddling (and is officially a 'toddler') and when they develop the will to be able to understand and obey directives.

This is the stage where they will hurdle head first down stairs. They will wiggle and squiggle to get down and want to run in church. When you take them to a party, your only job is to make sure they don't pull off tablecloths, pour someone's forgotten drink onto themselves, pick up every object and put it in their mouths or fling it, tear out all the pots and pans, play in the toilet and run, run, run.  It is a time of intense activity, it is a time when a mother's heart drops at least once a day when she sees what could have potentially happened with those active feet and hands and tipsy body.  It tests the patience on those hard days and it takes lots and lots of energy.

It is important to remember that they are wired for exploration and discovery.  It's really as if their brains and bodies are making them try again and again. Movement in and of itself is critical at that stage of human development. There are connections with the brain as exploration of one's world takes over with great energy. The little one is truly driven to explore and manipulate his surroundings. The child is self constructing herself from all that surrounds her. It is her drive toward independence!



Here is my advice:
-Keep in mind that this is a short period of time that requires intense parental guidance. It will get easier!

-Do everything in your might to place them in hard environments as rarely as possible.  Make your home environment as safe as possible, so you can relax a little and they can explore. Your home with this age should be your oasis-where the toddler can explore all he or she wants and not have to worry about hearing no, no, no constantly or being under your thumb so that you cannot get a thing done.  I usually barricaded stairs and made sure bathroom doors were closed (and yes, older kids forget sometimes!) but I put lamps up, kept drawers and cabinets that were down low full of things I knew were safe for them to explore, and rubber banded the ones that weren't ok, and let them have free reign.  Dr. Sears calls this creating a "yes" environment.

In my experience it was never enough for them and just frustrating to keep the toddler in one "play room"-they wanted to follow me and I wanted to be able to move somewhat freely around my house. To me, cleaning up a mess of pots and pans. or Tupperware, or a craft basket filled with yarn and paint brushes for them to explore, was easier than constantly keeping them away from things, and it also bought me precious time to cook or clean or help with homework. I just cleaned up the messes as I went along the day, embracing that this was the stage we were in right now.

-Pay attention to YOUR patience level. It is okay to say no to trivial outings and events and environments that might just push you beyond your patience level, and your little one beyond their ability to stay still.  There will be time for these things in the future! When they are necessary, knowing ahead of time that it wasn't going to be a time when I could fully socialize and accepting that it would be hard work made it easier and gave me more patience.

-Redirect, redirect, redirect. Distract and divert.

-Don't project into the future. Just because they don't listen to "no" now, does not mean they will be naughty rebellious children and teenagers.  They aren't purposely trying to drive us mad, nor are they at all old enough to be manipulative and conniving.  Be patient, be present, be "on the ball", and have fun with them.  They can still learn "gentle", "hot", "no touch", "yucky" etc, but it will have to be repeated and we will have to be engaged, not yelling across the room, expecting them to obey.

-Stay calm. Calm parenting makes for calm children. They are still just babies!  They are so so trusting and loving and easy to smile. They don't need strict, punitive discipline, this will backfire. They need tender loving care, and a settled, appropriate environment while they explore their world.

Something that has really helped me cultivate good behavior and prevent any tempter tantrums is taking the time to explain what the day holds.  It seems so obvious, but so often, in the busyness of getting everyone ready for the day, or into the car, we forget to let our children know where we are going, and what they can expect.  

If there are times that can be stressful or there is certain behavior expectations that we are trying to work on, this is even more important.

To say, "Today we are going to go to church.  We are going to walk in, and sit down and we have to be very very quiet, only little whispers.  We might hear babies cry, or the bells or the piano and we have to listen for those.  Remember we have to sit still and be quiet."

"After the soccer game, we are going to go to the birthday party, and after we eat the cake, we are going to get in the car and come home."

Or let's say that you know getting into the car, or mealtime, or a very specific situation can illicit tears, or attempts to control which can lead to frustration for both them and us:

Before we walk out the door-"When we get into the car, you can climb into the car seat yourself right away, and then mommy is going to do the buckles. Remember I am going to do the buckles, you are going to hop in."

It gives them some control, and correct expectations, so they don't feel yanked here and there, completely at our whim.  Of course it is no guarantee of behavior for sure, but hearing before hand what will happen and what they must do, paints the correct picture in their head.  Often, besides the adhering to the best advice ever (don't ever let them get hungry and tired), I think breakdowns can occur because what was planned or imagined in their heads, is not what is happening in real life. If we can paint that correct picture that matches up with ours, we give the best chance for peace and harmony.

Here are some thoughts about toddlers and food.

My first pediatrician who moved away and left me (Dr. Reed wherever you, you were the best ever), told me, "Don't ever make food an issue, or it will become a battle."  Toddlers can be notoriously picky and obsessive about their food (no touching, don't cut up, do cut up, on this plate, not on this plate, etc.) and some of this can be carried into childhood and beyond.

I took her advice to heart and have had toddlers and kids who have been easy to feed.  Of course they all have their favorites, some of them went through short picky stages, but they are and have been generally agreeable about food.

I have found though, that when you feed a family, all sitting down at once, not just a toddler, you will make different things of course, and this can help prevent the "mac n cheese" dilemna.  That means, prepare food for the family, to eat together, not just for the toddler, to eat separate you.  The family meal!  Pass the dishes around, everyone puts what they want on their plates, and eats it.

And then don't say another word about the food.  Don't cajole, try to get it "right", look worried or concerned, beg them to eat, ask them if it's "alright", talk about the food unless it's "this is delicious!", bribe, worry, etc. I would say almost all the time food issues are about control, not about the food, and it's a vicious cycle.

I think one of the many blessings of a big family is that mom doesn't have time to concentrate on who is eating what, and how much, and can we make it perfect, or make a whole other meal.  The kids go with the flow, because the flow is routine enough to be a habit, but varied enough to not cause ridiculous demands (only eating mac n cheese for example.) I never ever remember saying as a child to my mom, "I don't like that, or "oh no not this again". I just knew better. "Here's the food I made, aren't we lucky to have food (which is said in the blessing), now eat or don't.

Do not overwhelm a toddler with too much food.  A little bit is so much better than too much.  My toddlers would eat better with a little food cut up then a heaping adult plate of food.

So what if it's too late and you have a picky toddler who refuses to eat?

Stop concentrating on the food. Surrender in a sense and start afresh with a new attitude.

Always make something that they will want to eat, even if it's just bread, but don't pay attention to that fact that it bugs you that they don't try anything else. Make it a non-issue as fast as you can, and go about the meals enjoyably. (Strip the control aspect of it.)  Make sure you mention to whoever else is eating with you how delicious something is, or ask if anyone wants to try this or that, but not personally to the picky guy.  (No begging or cajoling.)

Get them involved in preparation if they are an older toddler,  They will be much more likely to eat it themselves if they had a part in washing it, cutting it, preparing it on a plate, mixing it etc.  This works wonders!

Offer babies real food, with lots of variety, because those babies grow into toddlers who will be used to whatever you fed them from the beginning. I learned quickly to not use baby food jars, and just mush up and cut up real food as much as I could.  I really believe that food should be eaten only when it can be probably swallowed and even picked up by the baby with a little help at first, not just spooned in where they have no control. This goes along the line of handing over control of what they put in their mouth to them.

Do not panic about vitamins and minerals unless they are eating nothing but sugar. Think of them getting those vitamins and minerals over a week not a day. Don't keep in your cupboards what you don't want them to eat or get used to. (Or have a hiding spot.)

My baby brother went through a faze where he didn't like much of anything, and my mom told him he could have crackers in place of the dinner. (He was the youngest-you now, special allowances. :)
We joke that he might have eaten Saltines for dinner for years, and he is now around 6 feet 5 inches tall so they didn't stunt his growth too much.

If any seasoned mother wants to chime in with what works for them, feel free!

Here's a little trick I learned from my mom, who most likely learned from her mom, Josephine, mother of nine.

It's the "cross your arms" trick.

When you have a child who needs to be told something important, or reprimanded, especially one under say about 7, you have them cross their arms.  It works especially well for older toddlers because it distracts them for a enough minutes to change their course of action. It also does a couple more things:

-It makes them look at you and concentrate on what you are saying.
-It makes their mood, somehow-I don't know how- change.  Usually they get a little giggly.
-It makes them look really really cute, which makes you really really less angry.

I've been doing this for years and it works wonders.

Here are my tips for cultivating with love, a toddler's good behavior:

-Remember that the term toddler encompasses a huge range of development-from first "toddling" around one (still babies!), till three. What they can understand and control at one is so much different than what they can understand and control at three and they all move and grow at their own pace through these years (don't compare!).  Reading a book on child development helps so much.  I highly recommend Dr. Sear's Discipline Book (this one)-he mixes tips with child development facts so it's practical but informative.  Another book I love these two books by Mac Blesdoecalled Parenting with Dignity.

-Cultivate a kind, engaged, calm environment in our homes as much as possible with good routines.


-Give our toddlers attention. Read books, get on the floor and play, let them follow us around when we do chores (and give them work to do), hold them, hug them, kiss them, make them laugh (which is so easy!), pick them up when they need comfort (or get down to their level when you cannot).

-Recognize that toddlers will just have bad days-like we do, but maybe more so because they are growing and changing so quickly.  Pray for patience, show them love, and just know that things will even out.


-Anticipate what is going on in their little heads so we can guide them in the right direction before behavior needs to be corrected.

-Say yes as much as possible, make our "no's" count.  They will listen to our no's if they are rare and firm, but if they hear this word often and carelessly, it will become meaningless to them.  There are a million ways to say yes!


-Set up our home and routine to allow as many yes's as we can.  If we don't want our one year old to touch our special things, just put them away, until they are old enough to understand why they can't touch them.  Don't fight their need to touch and explore-this is what their brain is wired for!  It will just cause needless frustration for us and them.

-When toddlers are put in situations and environments where good behavior is "easy" for them, good behavior becomes a habit.  Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.  Toddlers need down-time and lots of it, they need to be able to move, play without sharing, be curious and safe and have attentive care.  When they get all these chances to be "good", they can more easily tolerate the situations where more is required from them.  Practically this means we have to say no to constant play groups, play dates, eating out, events where they are stuck in the stroller, or in a car seat, etc.


Redirect, avoid, prepare.  This is the key!
Redirect-I will give an example.  Today Janey and I were taking a walk.  We came to the corner of the curb where we can continue one way across the street (the way she wanted) or continue around the block.  She stopped and said, "This way?"  I said, "Let's go this way."  She said, "No, this way." I said, "Remember those acorns?  Let's go find those acorns!" in a very excited voice, and I started walking the way I wanted to go.  I could see her mind ticking, and she started moving my way.

I have done this so much with all my children-give them something else to think about instead of dwelling or escalating a problem.

Avoid-This is where we know our toddler's hot topics and do our best to steer around them-cut an event short and avoid loud crowds if they are sensitive, or be very conscious of too many choices if they are easily overwhelmed etc, and be prepared to spend more energy if we do participate in something that isn't age appropriate for them.  (Church, a crowded birthday party, a reunion, etc.)

Prepare-Tell our toddlers where we are going, what will happen and what behavior we expect to see. "We are going to the grocery store to get apples and bread, and when we get inside you are going to get in the cart with your baby, and mom is going to push you, and then we will ride the horsey at the end."  (If I knew that the cart would be a hot button for her, I will say just when I am about to put her in the cart, "What did mom say we had to get?  Apples, and grapes and blah blah blah."  If she protested, I would say, "You are gong to sit in the cart because we are going to go fast to ride the horsey at the end, look at these big apples over here, do you want to hold the bag of them?" This way I am redirecting attention away from the actual cart sitting process, and on to something else...we are moving forward, not dwelling, but I am still being firm.

-Be confident, calm and firm when correcting.  For older toddlers, when we say no, mean it and move on as quickly as possible. .

-Correct them with words and show them what behavior we want to see. (If a toddler is too rough with a young baby (even when that toddler is only one) say, "No, no, no, we have to be gentle or we will make baby cry, look how little he is!" and take his hand and show him what gentle means and then be so, so pleased when they do it the right way.  If a toddler throws sand, show him the pain and discomfort it causes (teaching empathy!) and say, (getting down at their level and holding their hands and with a very concerned face) "Look how sad you made (insert name), sand hurts, and we don't throw it ever, it's for digging."  If they would do it again, they are taken out of the sandbox and told, "No we don't throw sand ever."  If a toddler throws a toy, explain quickly and firmly why we don't throw toys- "because these are our special things and they might break and then we'd be sad, let's clean this up and do this instead."

-Look at causes of behavior.  Was that toy thrown when the TV was blaring, when roughhousing with other children was getting too wild, when the room was a disaster (which is overwhelming to them), when no parent was present or paying attention for too long?  Tired, hungry? Toddlers respond to their environments, and we are responsible for trying our best to cultivate their environment.


On spanking, hand-slapping, pinching, flicking, (yes there is such a thing, I was sorry to find out), or any/all physical punishment which is meant to cause purposeful physical pain to the baby and toddler in order to get them to stop doing something, or start doing something:
-Our beautiful children aren't dogs, or goats, or mules, they are intelligent, thoughtfully-formed, developmentally driven humans with tender inner spirits.  Toddlers are shaping the view of the world, responding to their environments, learning who to trust, and how to act, what is safe and what is not. Being physically assaulted (this is what we would call it if it was done to us) can not ever be an effective, healthy path to learning or behavior, as it strips a child of his or her God-given dignity.

It bothers me so much when I see this advice given and new mothers being influenced by it. I understand that parents often might live in fear of not having a "good" child if they don't use these sorts of punishments, or feel pressure from family, or be desperately looking for advice when they feel their child's behavior is less that desirable.  But I want to assure that you absolutely can have a good child without physical punishment in the picture. I wrote about mother mentors back here, and when I think of the families I know that have just lovely, kind, kids (many of them are now adults) who are respectful and pleasant to be around, didn't and don't or almost never use or have used physical punishment, or for that matter, much punishment at all.

It seems so common sense and logical to me that when a small child lives in fear of pain, or lives in a world where the opposite of what is taught (don't hit) is then experienced (but I can hit you), and their need for calm, firm, loving guidance is confused, that child becomes either more aggressive, or whinier, or clingier, or louder, or distrustful, or angry, or unresponsive to any discipline or most likely, all of the above.  If it doesn't stop one behavior, it brings out another and the whole problem snowballs.  And then one is left with more difficult kids (where difficult behaviors are now considered "normal"), who need to be disciplined more, which makes the problem worse and worse.
In a way these children have become less sensitive, and develop a tougher exterior steeped in strong emotion.  It's a trapped cycle that parents and children are caught in, around and around and it doesn't have to be this way.

Firm and straightforward but kind, consistent loving calm guidance. high but appropriate expectations.  

I am not advocating for permissive parenting. That is just as extreme and misguided.  Permissive parenting means very little parent engagement, parents watching kids do naughty things or behave in ways that hurt or disturb others with a shrug and "what am I going to do about it" attitude, and letting kids be in charge. They do NOT want to be in charge, they need strong confident leadership and guidance and attentive consistency.

Our little ones want badly to please us, they want to be good, and we can have beautiful relationships with them-with us as respected leaders, and them as a disciple-learning, loving, trusting, growing.  We must make them feel safe and we do that by respecting their bodies, creating strong reliable routines, and showing them our love through our time. 
 

Sally Clarkson says it best:
On cell phone and discipline, and something to think about:
Two weeks ago I was in the library with my three year old.  There were three mothers there also, every one of them on their phones.  Two out of the three ended up slapping/hitting their kids.  Both of the children didn't seem to be behaving terribly to me, in fact, both had spent most of the time behaving well, but they both did one inappropriate thing in order to get their mother's attention.

I would bet, had the mothers NOT been on their cell phones, that scenario wouldn't have played out the way it did.

I know how hard it is to not be distracted these days.  Because I am in my later forties though, I can remember the ancient times (one of my kids just asked if TV's were invented yet when I was young!) when phones weren't able to be carried everywhere, weren't beeping, and tempting and calling us away from our children.  Oh it was lovely!  There was so much more time in the day.  We must see ourselves through the eyes of our children.  We don't have to be available always (that would get tiring and no laundry would get done) but there is something about the constant pull of distraction throughout the day that is not conducive to parenting.

Look up. Encourage and notice the good. Be present. We will be rewarded with better behavior the more we are engaged in real life and the less we are distracted by trivial things.

I am republishing this post I wrote when my youngest son was three, and edited it to make it more applicable to the toddler tips series.

After a busy week or month, I know I have to take the time to regroup.  I think with babies and most especially toddlers, this is so important.  Too much going...not just them, but me too, takes a toll on their behavior and their happiness.  May is a busy month for us this year.  Lots of sports games, and never a weekend day that is empty.  During the weekday evenings this month, I have had to run errands more than usual for some of the special end of the year events, and I volunteered for a few things also, which meant lots of phone call/emails.

I think little guys can take some of the coming and going, and sometimes these busy times are unavoidable in life, but I also think that there comes a time when I have to step back and reset, and give him breaks from all the hustle and bustle and from the lack of one-on-one time.  Some kids can last longer than others-well, maybe that's not true.  I think all little ones will act out in their own way no matter what-the risk is that we get so used to this "acting out" behavior with our refusal to slow down, that we enable our toddlers to form bad behavioral habits.

I know that my three year old likes to move very very slowly, and in a way that is a blessing to me. On the way to the car, no matter what a rush I am in, he stomps in every puddle on the way to the car, insists on doing his buckle, all the while holding the baseball mitt he just must bring with him everywhere he goes.

We know that everything seems so busy for us in this day and age, but imagine it from a child's point of view-they just want to "be", to explore, to notice, to wonder, on every little thing. They want their toys, their home, their routine in place.

We must be willing to compromise-to clear our calendars as much as possible by saying no to activities or opportunities that create a too hectic lifestyle for our toddlers, to say no to projects that might take too much of our time right now, to take everything down a notch-mostly our expectations (which means we must reject a little of our over-the-top culture i.e. birthday parties, perfectly decorated homes, etc), and to hit that reset button if we are pulled off our course.  There will be a time when they are more flexible, when they can move faster and keep up pace, but right now we have to accommodate their need for order in their life, and we will be rewarded with a happy toddler.

Before I begin with some toddler tips I want to start out with sharing five things I have found that serve as the foundation to having happy, settled toddlers each day-I have noticed that if I keep each of these things in mind, we (my toddlers and I!) can have the best shot at enjoying these years.  (I think these could be applied to all stages of development but never is it more important than in toddlerhood.)

1. Routine
2. Food and Sleep
3. Consistency
4. Attention
5. Expectation

Routine-Toddlers crave routine, they need it, and we need it also.  The world is so big for them and they are really at our beck and call, completely relying on us to form their days, but torn because they also wish to be more independent.  A routine allows them to stretch their independent spirit in little ways throughout the day, but also feel safe and secure.  If a routine to the day is in place, when life calls us off of it, most toddlers, if they have the base of routine to begin with, can cope with this change.  But only to a point-we all know this if we've taken vacations, or have had visitors in the house, or a new baby, etc. Toddlers can only take so much, and they will rebel. They crave that routine back!

Food and Sleep- "Never let them get tired and never let them get hungry." I am going to link to this very short article from a very experienced mother, that says it all.

Consistency-This might seem like a repeat of number one, but they are different and compliment each other in many ways.  Oh, how consistency with toddlers makes OUR lives easier.   I can sum it up: Do the same thing almost all the time-react the same way-don't say no once, and then say yes the next, etc.  Some toddlers are very sensitive to this (they want the same plate at lunch, they notice every little thing), some are more flexible and easy-going, but consistency cultivates a certain calmness and predictability.

Attention-Children want, need and crave attention, REAL, reliable attention, from their parents. I feel like they have an inner measuring device for this-when they need more, they will find a way to get it,and that is when those toddler behaviors can rear their ugly heads! And no substitute for parental attention is sufficient. We must find the time in our day to be quiet with them, to listen to them, or to play with them, or engage them in a new activity. If we moms are busy with other little children or a new baby, please know that often our presence in a room with them is enough sometimes-knowing we are there and available, and interested in what they are doing is enough.

Expectation-We must teach proper behavior every day-but we must not expect too much out of toddlers. We can not drag them through days of errands and high stimulation activities and not expect backlash.  We can not expect them to sit still in a room full of interesting things and hear one thousands no's.  There is nothing wrong with a no, and a firm voice with strong direction, but their learning spirit that requires movement and touch should not be constantly oppressed.

I am going to do a little series here and there this year on a handful of toddler tips and tricks I've learned along the way.  I owe much of this learning to my mother and mother-in-law who have taught me in so many ways how to love this stage, sharing their education, experience, and their tips. Their love of children, at all ages, has been a gift to me, and I am forever grateful.

I adore toddlers.  I know that many parents feel that they have to "survive" toddlerhood and we've all heard the "terrible two's" phrase hundreds of times.  But I think toddlers are the funniest, cutest, cuddliest, most irresistible little guys ever and I've always said, it will be a sad day for me with no toddler in the house.

That is not to say raising a toddler is a breeze.  It requires quick thinking, an art really, a skill to handle this wondrous stage of development.  There are times when toddler behavior is frustrating, we all have had bad days, when we just don't have a drop of patience left.  I've had plenty of those days also.  This is such an important time in a child's life.  They are growing and changing so quickly, too quickly for themselves.

It is most certainly a stage in parenting that requires more energy from us. They place a huge amount of trust in us, their parents, and we must try to understand their little minds, but also be a leader to them.  If not, we confuse them, and make them miserable and ourselves miserable in the process. The thing is-it's easy now when they are little, believe it or not. They trust us, adore us, and we have total control over their lifestyle, their environment and their schedule.

If we are willing to learn about what is going on in their brains and bodies, and adapt our lifestyle as much as we can, we can have toddlers who are generally happy, joyful children.