"What a happy summer this has been, " thought Anne...and then recalled with a little pang something she had heard Aunt Highland Kitty of the Upper Glen say once...."the same summer will never be coming twice."
Never quite the same. Another summer would come...but the children would be a little older and Rilla would be going to school...."and I'll have no baby left," thought Anne sadly. Jem was twelve now and and there was already talk of "the Entrance"....Jem who but yesterday had been a wee baby in the old House of Dreams. Walter was shooting up and that very morning she had heard Nan teasing Di about some "boy" in school: and Di had actually blushed and tossed her red head.
Well, that was life.
Gladness and pain...hope and fear....and change. Always change! You could not help it. You had to let the old go and take the new to your heart....learn to love it and then let it go in turn.
Spring, lovely as it was, must yield to summer and summer lose itself in autumn. The birth...the bridal....the death....
L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Ingleside)
.Isn't that beautiful? And oh so true. And dang hard at the same time.
As eager as I am to have the kids out of school for the summer, I am always ready for them to start up again after summer break. And they, thank goodness, are already to go back too. I am eager for structure, schedule, organized days, and time to think and talk without interruption (somewhat of course, I still have little Paddy to keep me company). I think they are ready to learn, to be around friends, for something to fill their days, and honestly, just to learn.
At the same time, I get little panicked feelings-of letting go, of all that change that takes place with a new school year. As my kids have gotten older, oh boy, do I get a sense of nostalgia at this time.
(Isaac and Abbey 6 or 7 years ago)
What I want:For everything to be the same as it was years and years ago. Before high school came into the picture, before, by golly, the thought of college came into the picture.
When it was just simple. When the choices were just peanut butter and jelly, or ham and cheese, not SAT or ACT, not "let's think about the future and make decisions that can alter the course of your life".
When the school supply lists involved a 24 pack of crayons, not an Ipad.
When I worried about whether the crabby lunch lady would be crabby, not would my son make it safely to school driving in construction during crazy rush hour.
Letting the old go and taking the new to heart-but loving the present, without constantly yearning for the past-that's tricky isn't it? I do trust that the busy-ness of life, the work of 'mother', usually compels me by sure force into the day, moving forward. The truth is that present will be past soon enough, and if I don't embrace the change, I miss out on the life that I have opening up before me.
Change is hard. I know that, I tell myself that, but I still allow myself a little time to be sad and miss the days of old.