9/17/15

Thinking, Playing, Reading


Thinking:
"At the end of the day, as the sun sets and we head back in, we have to be at peace with who we are and with the travelers we’ve been given on the journey. It’s tempting to look out and see the perfection of those around you, but be careful."
I love this essay, on the "perfect family life", from Rachel.  

Playing:

We are using these blank books for this little activity.  Janey is just getting the hang out of peeling the stickers off, and we put together these little "girls" into the books.  She chooses all sorts of outfits (she loves making the choices-getting to be the "boss" for once, and I just let my preference for matching go out the window) and then I stick them on for her, although she is getting better at this precision also.

Reading:
Two great finds at the library this week-I am so picky about illustrations and story books.  There are so many dumb ones, there really are, and I wonder how they ever get published.  But the ones with a nice story, good vocabulary, and beautiful illustrations are like little gems to me.

This is a rhyming book, where bunny finds specific plants in specific colors, on his little journey.

And another:

Beautiful illustrations for this counting rhyme book using the "over in the meadow where the green grass grows" song.

9/15/15

Toddler Tips (Regrouping)

I am republishing this post I wrote when my youngest son was three, and edited it to make it more applicable to the toddler tips series.

After a busy week or month, I know I have to take the time to regroup.  I think with babies and most especially toddlers, this is so important.  Too much going...not just them, but me too, takes a toll on their behavior and their happiness.  May is a busy month for us this year.  Lots of sports games, and never a weekend day that is empty.  During the weekday evenings this month, I have had to run errands more than usual for some of the special end of the year events, and I volunteered for a few things also, which meant lots of phone call/emails.

I think little guys can take some of the coming and going, and sometimes these busy times are unavoidable in life, but I also think that there comes a time when I have to step back and reset, and give him breaks from all the hustle and bustle and from the lack of one-on-one time.  Some kids can last longer than others-well, maybe that's not true.  I think all little ones will act out in their own way no matter what-the risk is that we get so used to this "acting out" behavior with our refusal to slow down, that we enable our toddlers to form bad behavioral habits.

I know that my three year old likes to move very very slowly, and in a way that is a blessing to me. On the way to the car, no matter what a rush I am in, he stomps in every puddle on the way to the car, insists on doing his buckle, all the while holding the baseball mitt he just must bring with him everywhere he goes.

We know that everything seems so busy for us in this day and age, but imagine it from a child's point of view-they just want to "be", to explore, to notice, to wonder, on every little thing. They want their toys, their home, their routine in place.

We must be willing to compromise-to clear our calendars as much as possible by saying no to activities or opportunities that create a too hectic lifestyle for our toddlers, to say no to projects that might take too much of our time right now, to take everything down a notch-mostly our expectations (which means we must reject a little of our over-the-top culture i.e. birthday parties, perfectly decorated homes, etc), and to hit that reset button if we are pulled off our course.  There will be a time when they are more flexible, when they can move faster and keep up pace, but right now we have to accommodate their need for order in their life, and we will be rewarded with a happy toddler.

9/13/15

Encouragement For A Mother's Heart


9/11/15

Thinking, Playing, Reading

jesse wilcox smith | Jesse Wilcox Smith, ABC's, painting, artist, Mother and daughter


Thinking:
A friend introduced me to Carole Joy Seid-a mother and home school coach whose philosophy is books-lots of really good ones.  I've been listening to her interviews here.

I love Elizabeth Foss's screen rules for her home.  Ours are a lot a like, and I'm sure just like mine, they adapt as we see fit. (And mine only applies to the older kids, as the younger ones who don't need them for school homework are almost never allowed on any device.)  If you need some motivation here's a big dose.


Playing:
I noticed these great deals on Amazon this week-these are toys and games we've enjoyed here.

Hape Gourmet Kitchen Starter Set -30% off

Melissa and Doug Food Groups-20% off

LeapFrog Musical Rainbow Tea Party-22% off  (This was a gift-I usually don't buy toys that make lights and sounds, but Janey loves this-and we've all memorized the songs the teapot plays. And there is a low volume button :).

For the boys-
2 in 1 Travel Magnetic Chess and Checkers Set - 12.5''-24% off

Polybag Farm Collection 5 Pieces-22% off (Patrick played with these animals all the time-I love the size of the Wild Republic brand-we have the African and Asian Mountain brands.)




Reading:
Every week Janey and I go to the library and select five picture books from the shelves.  I usually have one favorite out of the bunch. This one is a favorite and I put it in my Amazon cart for Christmas.  There is a tiny little ladybug hiding on every page and she gets so excited when she spots it.

9/9/15

Toddler Tips (Whining)


Here is my tried and true method to stop the habit of whining, learned long ago by another smart mom who taught me. This method requires us to stop and listen and them to communicate clearly.

I say, "I can't understand you or hear you when you use that voice."   

And we must explain (in a kind, not mocking or frustrated way) that words don't make sense to our ears at a certain pitch, all strung together.  We just can't understand what they are trying to tell us without a nice normal clear voice and we want to hear what they are saying. Blame the ears! 

I have found that whining is a sign of tiredness on the toddler's part to not speak clearly or use their words to communicate, a conditioned response (habit or learned behavior) to enable them to get what they want and often a way of getting our attention when our attention is too often elsewhere. What better way to use an irritating voice?

We can show them by telling them what a whining voice sounds like (which will usually make them laugh), and then what a normal voice sounds like and how the words aren't all blended together.  And then we can gently and or firmly, depending on the child and the frequency, tell them to "start again with the right voice so I can understand you and help you" whenever the whining starts.  It might just once or twice, it might be something we have to remind them of again and again ("remember, use the right voice so I can understand").

Special note for whining and late talkers-Can you imagine how frustrating it must be to want to be able to say something and not make your mouth move to form the right words?  This is a whole other subject, but I would never frustrate a late talker by demanding they say words in order for me to understand them-I would encourage them by "giving" them the words (which can be a guessing game) they need to communicate instead of whining.  ie. Did you mean 'can Janey have more juice'?" Here are some great tips for helping late talkers communicate.  

9/6/15

Encouragement For A Mother's Heart


9/4/15

The Dust Bowl and Ellis Island



This is the true story of the huge influx of Dust Bowl survivors flooding into California, and their almost complete rejection from the residents.  (The Grapes of Wrath is John Steinbeck's novel about this migration.)  Desperate, desperate poverty, and one man, Leo Hart, in spite of facing rejection and anger from his fellow Californians, decided to educate the children of these families.  None of the residents wanted these "Okies" attending their children's schools, so he was forced to start a whole new 'emergenc'y school-Weedpatch School.  With the help of the children and their families, and scraping together resources from the most unlikely places, he managed to do so-quite above and beyond anyone's expectations-ramshackle buildings built by hand with scraps, but children eager and willing to learn and work, to escape poverty and educate themselves.  These children had so much invested in the school-it wasn't just given to them, they weren't told they deserve it, because they had brought it into being, they gained an invaluable sense of pride and purpose.

The book tells in the end, of what became of this first class of children-all very successful.

I made note of this quote-
"On the first day a team of children dug a hundred-yard trench from the water tower in the camp to the condemned building in the field.  They laid a three-quarter-inch pipe in the trench, and on the second day the school had running water.  "It was something to watch, " Leo remembered. "It was the first time where they were working for something of their own.  It was the first time where they could be proud of who they were and what they were doing."

Bob Rutledge was fourteen at the time and when he studied photographs of classmates he spoke of poverty being "in the mind" and said, "We never accepted poverty."  "This is what we are now, but it's not what we're going to be."  He said, "Everyone should have this experience. You have to live it to understand it."


The next book, another favorite. It is similar to my most treasured book Ellis Island Interviews.

These stories of immigrants are incredible.  Some of them went through events as children that we can't even imagine-starvation, seeing their loved ones, even parents, murdered (and hiding themselves and their siblings), coming over by themselves on boats full of sickness and strangers.  Story after story-all different-nothing in their pockets, but the willingness to scrape together a living and hope, finding a sense of community in those who had gone before them (which is how many of our neighborhoods began).

This book goes chapter by chapter according to region (Armenia, Scandinavia, Italy, etc), and the final chapters give an overview of statistics and studies of these immigrants.

"Regardless of their country of origin, and their place of residence in the United States, immigrant children worked harder than their native born classmates, spent more time on homework, got better grades, and dropped out of school far less."

"The children from Ellis Island and Angel Island were not passive "victims" of the immigration experience.  Instead they became adept at actively shaping  their new environment. The found opportunities for social mobility through education and jobs that would make life easier for their own sons and daughters and their grandchildren as well.  They were remarkably resilient and resourceful, even during periods of economic depression and war and despite prevailing prejudices against the newcomers that took the form of "No [Chinese/Irish/Italians/Jews] need apply."

A twelve year old said this of his father, who immigrated during the Great Depression:
"He would dig drainage ditches and get about thirty dollars a month.  He'd take a couple of potatoes with him and make a fire, and that's what he ate.  When things started to ease up a bit, he would go up and down the stress [in NY], looking for some construction going on, trying to get a little job-one street after the other, day after day.  I thank him so much for having the courage to give us the opportunity to live here in this country."

These books make me think-about a few things:

-If one has a grandparent or great grandparent still alive, there must be an attempt to acquire an oral history!  How I regret not learning more-just to sit and chat and ask questions of my grandparents. Most of our older relatives would love to have someone interested in their childhoods.  It is so important for our children, who live in the lap of luxury according to standards of days long gone, to hear what it took-the perseverance, the pride, the work ethic-it is nothing that we see today, I don't think.

-There is no way one can read these books and complain about much at all. I don't think it's ever possible to really appreciate anything until we don't have it anymore.  There is a gift in hardship and struggle, whatever that may be, and as much as we don't want it, there is always a new level of living in a way that blooms as a result of it.  Life is full of lessons, and if we can persevere through them, and then accept them as learning experiences, we become so much more than we were before.  I love the quote "The only way out is through."  I can FEEL that quote in these books-it is a desperate-like walk through life, with trust-that life is worth it.


9/2/15

Toddler Tips: The Foundation


Before I begin with some toddler tips I want to start out with sharing five things I have found that serve as the foundation to having happy, settled toddlers each day-I have noticed that if I keep each of these things in mind, we (my toddlers and I!) can have the best shot at enjoying these years.  (I think these could be applied to all stages of development but never is it more important than in toddlerhood.)

1. Routine
2. Food and Sleep
3. Consistency
4. Attention
5. Expectation

Routine-Toddlers crave routine, they need it, and we need it also.  The world is so big for them and they are really at our beck and call, completely relying on us to form their days, but torn because they also wish to be more independent.  A routine allows them to stretch their independent spirit in little ways throughout the day, but also feel safe and secure.  If a routine to the day is in place, when life calls us off of it, most toddlers, if they have the base of routine to begin with, can cope with this change.  But only to a point-we all know this if we've taken vacations, or have had visitors in the house, or a new baby, etc. Toddlers can only take so much, and they will rebel. They crave that routine back!

Food and Sleep- "Never let them get tired and never let them get hungry." I am going to link to this very short article from a very experienced mother, that says it all.

Consistency-This might seem like a repeat of number one, but they are different and compliment each other in many ways.  Oh, how consistency with toddlers makes OUR lives easier.   I can sum it up: Do the same thing almost all the time-react the same way-don't say no once, and then say yes the next, etc.  Some toddlers are very sensitive to this (they want the same plate at lunch, they notice every little thing), some are more flexible and easy-going, but consistency cultivates a certain calmness and predictability.

Attention-Children want, need and crave attention, REAL, reliable attention, from their parents. I feel like they have an inner measuring device for this-when they need more, they will find a way to get it,and that is when those toddler behaviors can rear their ugly heads! And no substitute for parental attention is sufficient. We must find the time in our day to be quiet with them, to listen to them, or to play with them, or engage them in a new activity. If we moms are busy with other little children or a new baby, please know that often our presence in a room with them is enough sometimes-knowing we are there and available, and interested in what they are doing is enough.

Expectation-We must teach proper behavior every day-but we must not expect too much out of toddlers. We can not drag them through days of errands and high stimulation activities and not expect backlash.  We can not expect them to sit still in a room full of interesting things and hear one thousands no's.  There is nothing wrong with a no, and a firm voice with strong direction, but their learning spirit that requires movement and touch should not be constantly oppressed.