Clover Lane

This is the third in a series of interviews on faith and motherhood. My goal is to interview fellow mothers/bloggers of different faiths and have a little window into each of their lives...and to see in the end, how we are all trying to achieve the same thing...to prepare faithful, loving, compassionate, children to go out into the world and lead productive, purposeful, meaningful lives.

We are all more similar than we are different.

Different doctrines, different traditions, different rituals, different beliefs, but our fears, our love for our families, and our hopes for our children are all so alike.

Here's my third interview with Shawni, a mother of five.

Our family consists of my husband and me along with our five children: one boy (Max who is twelve) and four girls: Elle (11), Grace (8), Claire (6) and Lucy (3). We live in a suburb smack-dab in the middle of the desert surrounded by a neighborhood filled to the brim with all kinds of good people.

My husband and I were both raised as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (sometimes referred to as the “Mormons”). I couldn’t be more thankful for my religion most importantly because it is purely based on Jesus Christ and His teachings. My husband and I believe that having a deep faith in Jesus Christ helps bring so much peace, happiness and goodness into life, so of course that is how we wanted to raise our children.

What are the strongest values and beliefs of the LDS faith?

First and foremost we believe that God is our Father in Heaven who loves us dearly. We have come to earth for a mortal experience and we have faith that if we live our lives worthily we can return to live with Him some day. We believe that because we are human and so very far from perfect we needed a Savior to make an Atonement for us to make it possible for us to return to God. Jesus Christ made the supreme sacrifice of giving His life for us to pay for our sins and render us able to repent and be able to return to Heaven some day.

We believe that the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ that Christ Himself established when He lived on earth were diluted and lost after He and His apostles were killed. We believe that the fullness of that church was restored through revelation from God in 1830 through a lengthy series of events set in motion by a man named Joseph Smith. That’s why it is called the Church of Jesus Christ “of Latter-Day Saints.” We believe it is that very same gospel taught by Christ, but established in the “latter days.”

We believe in eternity. That families are sacred and that the bonds we make together in this life can last forever.

We strive to always put family first. For example, we set aside one night each week to have “Family Home Evening” where we gather together, have a lesson and talk about “family business.” We are also encouraged to have family dinners as much as possible to do anything we can to make those connections stronger. I am so thankful for continual reminders and encouragement through my church to keep my husband and children as my first priority, (next to God of course).

We believe that our Heavenly Father is always there for us and wants us to succeed. Through prayer and scripture study we believe that we can have personal revelation to help guide us through life…during the tough times as well as the ones where we’re smooth-sailing.

We believe in the Book of Mormon as well as in the Bible. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and it contains the records of prophets who lived in the Americas before, during and after Christ’s time on earth.


What are your family's daily and/or weekly worship/prayer rituals?

We attend church (worship service) each Sunday as a family. We read scriptures together each morning before school. Since our children are still pretty young we just read a few verses or a chapter of whatever we happen to be in the middle of (right now it’s the New Testament). We usually have a little discussion about what’s happening and how it pertains to our lives. Then we kneel and have family prayer together. It makes me happy to send our children off into their lives feeling the power of love in the mornings as we spend that time together.

I’m thankful that even outside of our family, our church organization helps guide our children and gives them wonderful examples of how to navigate through life. My children have such wonderful church leaders who (voluntarily!) take time out to help them grow in their faith. The youth ages 12-18 have activities once a week and have firesides and all kinds of things to give them an absolute anchor to cling to in this often scary world they are growing up in


If I had to choose a single most important concept of our faith I want to help my children internalize it would be to “love more.” Jesus Christ was the supreme example of pure love, and we try to emulate that example. That means we try not to judge others, we try to reach out and help those in need. We strive to be accepting of others with different beliefs. We try to forgive others even when they may not forgive us. Loving others brings happiness, and I believe that is the ultimate experience we are meant to have in life.

No. We lived on the East coast for eight years before moving back here to the desert where my husband grew up. We live in an area with a high concentration of people in our same faith. This is nice but sometimes I think it may make us seem exclusive since we have such a huge support group in our church it’s easy not to branch out to others much. I'm sure that some people not of our same faith must think we are horribly unfriendly and that makes me sad. All religions have so much good-ness in them and I only hope that I can teach my children to reach out to everyone and learn from the good-ness each one of God's children has to offer.

We don’t have many culinary traditions that are particular to our faith. We do strive, however, to take care of our bodies by making healthy food choices. We have “the Word of Wisdom” which encourages us to eat whole grains, very little meat, and to abstain from smoking or the use of alcohol.


I think probably the most common misconception is that some people still think we practice polygamy. Although it was a very limited practice in the early days of the church, it was banned an outlawed by the church in 1890. Strong commitment to marriage (defined as one man and one woman) is embraced in our religion.

Also, I think in any religion people tend to base much of their concept of that religion on the people. And since people are not perfect, they make mistakes. I hope people can always realize that just because certain people in a particular religion make poor choices that doesn’t mean the religion is a farce or that it is not true. That just means someone messed up. And what is so amazing about that is that repentance is real.



In our religion we believe that we are all entitled to personal revelation through prayer. We believe that God is our Father and dearly loves us as His children. He wants us to find happiness and he wants to guide and help us through life. He can help us figure out what is true in our hearts through studying it out and through sincere prayer. Once I prayed my guts out about all this and came to the firm realization that yes, it is true. Since then, although I have had plenty of experiences where I have been baffled at others’ misunderstanding of my faith, I have never questioned my beliefs. I am so grateful for how joyful they have made my life.


I don’t think there is one particularly profound moment. Just many smaller moments when my heart has been open and able to be touched that have helped shape what I think and what I believe.


Yes! In our religion we believe that when we get married it isn’t just until “death do us part.” Marriage is for time and all eternity. That makes it a pretty strong commitment so we sure better make it the best we can!

As I mentioned before, families are central in our religion. After all, we are in an eternal family with God as our Father, and He has given us earthly families to bring us happiness. The marriage that makes up the family is key ingredient to make that family strong and happy. I’m so thankful that my husband and I have always been taught to put each other first (and that we have great role models in our own parents). Sure, we disagree on a bunch of things. And we are both very strong-willed. But we know how to work things out through love and forgiveness and selflessness as we pray and study our scriptures and seek to put each other first. We make date night a priority. I tell him to bring me flowers every once in a while (ha ha), and we basically try to bring God into our relationship any way we can.


I have had quite a few struggles through life I can pinpoint that were turning-points for me to help my faith grow and to feel closer to Jesus Christ and to God. One of the most recent ones (and definitely the toughest one so far) was when our fifth child was diagnosed last year with a rare genetic syndrome. As my husband and I waded through a sea of worry and sorrow, and as I offered up heart-felt prayers to try to make sense of how to proceed through life which would surely change how we live and how we think about things, I have never felt more loved and comforted. I know that God was there to carry us through the tough times, and that He always will be.


My very favorite scripture is in Isaiah 41:11 and 13 because it speaks to my heart. It says,
“Fear thou not, for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness…for I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”


Is that not the most comforting, beautiful thing ever? I believe that motherhood is one of the most rewarding things we women will ever be able to do.

But it is also hard. Some days we don’t know if we’re going to make it!

Most of the time we don’t have the answers. There is no “instruction manual” on Motherhood. Some days we don’t know how far to take the “natural consequences.” On other days we don’t know how we will ever keep up with the mountains of laundry and the incessant whining ringing through our ears as we try to get through the day on very little sleep. Our hearts break as we see a child going through a tough situation and we are lost as to how to help them. We will face uncountable struggles and heart wrenching decisions to help our children navigate their way through life.

But to me, what an incredible blessing it is to know that there is a hand from Heaven out there waiting to guide us along the thorny path. Our Father in Heaven wants to help us through all the troubling times, all we need to do is reach out and grab that hand and let it guide us and comfort us.

Knowing that God is there saying, “fear not; I will strengthen thee, and I will help thee,” can get me through anything.

And knowing that my family can be together forever makes me want to work on it harder than ever.

Obviously there is SO much more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that would take novels to write out.

So I will say two things in closing:

1) Religions can’t be proven, no matter how many facts you may research out or how much history you are willing to shuffle through. Beliefs have to come from inside. From faith and the feelings of happiness and whole-ness sent to us from God.

2) If you have more questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I would encourage you to find some strapping young missionaries. They’re all over the place in their suits and name tags (or skirts if they’re girls…I was one of them for a year and a half way back when in Romania). They can explain things so well and give you your own free copy of The Book of Mormon.

Also, for more information go to mormon.org and lds.org. Watch the videos, read the messages. I promise you’ll feel something great come over your heart.

Dear Matthew-
You know you are the 'good baby'.

(Yes, I have labeled all my babies...I think I have admitted this before.)

But you were awful that first day in the hospital.  I was scared...scared about my ability to handle three children.  I called my mom home from a distant work venue, crying.  "I know I said I didn't need help but I changed my mind!"   I remember I was down a hall at the very end by myself.  The hospital was understaffed.  I had to ask for diapers several time.  I walked up and down those halls about 12 hours after giving birth, because you were so unsettled.  No one checked on me.  I think they forgot we were down there?  It actually would have nice if it hadn't been so extreme.  By the time I left (couldn't be fast enough) and my mom was at my home, you had morphed into 'good' baby.  You made me look like a fool...I didn't mind.


Here's why you were good:
You never cried except that first night.  Really, NEVER.

When you were born, we had just moved into our Second Street house.  Major pit.  You would watch me paint for HOURS in your Exercauser.   You'd spin occassionaly, you'd eat Cheerios sometimes, but you'd mostly just watch.  Contentedly.  I redid that entire house with you watching.  Thank you for that.


You had double, triple doses of "good baby scent".  It's weird but it's true.  You just smelled SO strongly like a baby and I loved it.

Some other things about you:
1. You once almost ate a worm.  It was going from little fingers straight to mouth when I screamed and you dropped it.  I have a feeling there were some other times I might not have caught?  You once pooped out a small one-dot Lego in your diaper.  Part of being #3.


2. You were a master escape artist.  You learned to take a broom stick and pop my hook and eye locks I had on every door.  (Paybacks for the easy-baby stage...for sure.)


3. You have always been very confident in your decisions.  Once, after preschool was finished, you told me you weren't going to Pre-K the next year.  I believed you.  I didn't sign you up, because I knew there was no making you and what for?  Halfway through the year I broached the topic again.  You said, "OK."  And you went, and liked it.  It's refreshing trait, this self-awareness.


4. Your teacher's always tell me that you are an asset to their class...they couldn't ask for a better leader.  I have to admit the first time I heard this I was surprised...you are the third in line here...and I've often seen your quiet personality overpowered by your two older siblings.  But no, I was assured, a leader and a great example to all.  I am so proud of you.  I know you are kind and so smart and have really good friends.


5. When I ask you what you want to be you say an artist or an architect.  I believe you.  Your immense Lego-building skill is second to none.  In your free time you write and draw and read and go outside and explore nature.  I picture you one day with an enormous garden. 


I love you.  We ALL do.  Thank you so much for being who you are.

I went to Catholic grade school.  It was incredibly awesome. Surprised?  I've heard so many despicable stories lately about the Catholic church, I thought I'd tell a good one.

I had not ONE bad experience at my grade school.  That might be an exaggeration...once I wet my pants in first grade...so incredibly embarrassing.  It involved paper mache Easter bunnies (that warm water!) and 8th grade helpers (those terrifying older kids!)  I was too shy to ask to go.  Another involves a kidnapping film shown to all of us in first grade. (Yes, first grade wasn't so easy for me.) Another involves tripping over an AV cart and landing on my nose...4th grade.

Every Notre Dame sister I had (and I had all nuns) was a great teacher and so dedicated to doing her best.   I learned about a loving God...there was no hell and damnation and fire and brimstone that I remember.  We learned a lot about the Saints...and some of it scared me...those aren't easy stories to tell...they could have made it slightly more age appropriate but the good stuf far outweighed the blood and gore.  Compared to what kid's see and hear on TV today it's nothing. 

Yes, we learned of sins...but not in some awful way like being stained with sin from birth, or that we were wretched souls awaiting judgment...but we did learn what sin was, and what it meant to be good and our Ten Commandments and how to be kind people.  That was stressed more than ever...little ways to love our neighbor and to be kind to others no matter what.  To appreciate what we had because so many people had less than us. 

I learned perfection in handwriting...and perfection in neatness and organization and to read, read, read and write, write, write.  Reports like crazy.  Science and social studies, and math.  Religion and art and music...big time, music.  Spelling...oh, boy, spelling.  With all of that, we fit in two recesses.  And a nice long lunch and morning snack.  Imagine that...we must be losing hours over the decades?

The school was located on gorgeous acres and acres of woods, and fields and orchards.  It was connected right to the Mother House.  We had to walk through a tunnel (this is from a child's point of view...it felt like a tunnel but was really a large basement hallway) to get to church.  We went to weekly Mass.  We knew better to misbehave.  I can hardly remember anyone ever getting in trouble.  Really, we had high expectation put upon us and they were clear and we met them.  If you talked you got a look and you shut up quick.  Just a look is all it took.  We were always walking in straight, quiet lines.  We were not allowed to gawk at the nuns in the Mother House...we did though...it was like some giant mystery over there and we peeked every chance we got.  We saw the nuns working in the laundry room, or the nurse nuns pushing wheelchairs. Exciting stuff, I guess?

We had amazing Christmas concerts.  Beautiful.  We prepared for weeks.  I remember making hundreds and hundreds of beautiful glittery snowflakes and the auditorium was just transformed.  We sung our heart out...whether you wanted to or not, you sang and gave it your all. 

May Crowning...when we had a special ceremony, Mass and the crowning of Mary was one of my favorite traditions.  We all had to gather as many flowers as we could from our gardens at home, and when you put the whole school's together it was incredible.  Someone was chosen to make the crown and to crown Mary and we had to dress up.  And I mean dress up.  There was no dress down days in our school...once or twice there was dress-up days and it was just as exciting.  (For me at least....I'm sure the boys didn't  feel this way.)

We had a beautiful cafeteria and beautiful classrooms.  Because WE kept them that way.  Right before the afternoon prayer, the Sisters would make us straighten our desks, or wash them down with a bucket and a rag.  We had to get down and pick up the tiniest scraps of paper off the floors.  Every single tiny dot of paper.  Wash and scrub.  The janitors had it easy at our school, let me tell you.  WE were expected to do the work, because we made the mess.   A great way to show respect and teach responsibility.  Those nuns were smart.

We were taught the way to do little things and do them right.  For example, we were taught how to eat lunch neatly...spread your napkin, put your milk at the top left hand corner, set your lunch items on top of the napkin, respect other's space, clean up our crumbs and garbage when finished.  Have manners.

When we handed in homework, it better be on clean, neat, unwrinkled, wide-ruled, loose leaf notebook paper, and in pen.  Our names had to be in cursive in the upper right hand corner.  No exceptions.  Of course. 

We had separate playgrounds...the boys and the girls.  It worked out well.  No funny stuff.  The boys played football...and the girls did too, if they wanted, just don't cross over the line to the boy's playground.  They told us it was because the boy's played way too rough and didn't watch where they were going...part of the truth perhaps.  We didn't care...we just had fun.  There was little boy/girl stuff even at the junior high level.  Maybe today it's different, but it was refreshing to not deal with the pressures back then.  If you wore make-up, it was rumored that a Sister would take you in the bathroom and make you wash it off immediately with household cleanser.  No colored nailpolish.  I swear, I have no memory of anyone rebelling.

Outside, the nuns had a cider press.  They would pick apples from the orchards in the fall and sell the gallons of cider.  How cool is that?   I still remember that smell from the corner of the playground of fresh ground apples.

Doesn't it sound like heaven?  It was a little piece, for me at least.  I will always appreciate the sacrifice my parents made to send me, and I'll always appreciate the incredible education the nuns gave me. 

In Seaside the light is amazing...if you wake up early or wait till evening.  I took each of the kid's out.  There is always one kid who considers this torture...it was Isaac this year...I did manage to force him into one good photo.  The rest were easy.