I thought I’d write a “little” cancer update but it turned out to be a “long” cancer update, sorry about that!
Thank you so much for all your prayers and encouragement, notes, emails and gifts for Abbey. I have the kindest readers ever and we both appreciated it so so much.
She is officially finished with treatment for Stage 2B Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and working at recovering fully. The cancer is gone and she has a great prognosis.
She had eight rounds of chemo and fifteen radiation sessions and none of it was easy for her unfortunately. It seemed like at every turn there something difficult that happened.
Right now she is working on rebuilding, but truthfully has good days and days when she feels exhausted. The doctor said to expect side effects from the radiation from up to three weeks afterwards. I know she is frustrated at this, and I also know her well enough to know that she will work her way through it. She still works out occasionally and we’ve had a lot of walks but gets winded often and as a mom I can see the toll all of this has taken.
Cancer sucks. It really does. And most of us have had someone they have loved struggle through the diagnosis, treatments and then if we are lucky, the rebuilding period. Once the treatment is over, everyone breathes a sigh of relief except for the patient-that’s when this weird stage of “waiting” comes into play. It’s a grief process for sure. On a walk we talked about this recently, and in the beginning all that is really apparent to the patient is the loss. I know at least that is what I felt. It takes awhile to see the gifts of suffering-and to accept what you once had-sure health, naivety, total optimism, is gone. It’s not just physically rebuilding that needs to happen but mental and emotional as well and they of course are all tied together,
Abbey’s last radiation treatment almost coincided to the day with my last chemotherapy treatment four years ago from triple negative breast cancer. They also happened to be in the same building, thankfully updated, because boy was it ugly and depressing back then. There were times in Abbey’s treatment where I could hardly process that I was in the same rooms again, seeing the same doctors, and nurses and now it was for my daughter. It seems unbelievable.
I think sometimes what keeps us moms going is ‘doing’. Not thinking too much about what is on our path, and what hurdles are put in front of us, but what task is next at hand. It’s the key I think-just keep going. We can’t always change the road our children are meant to walk, but we can be there to help guide them, or carry them or encourage them or you know, even give them a good firm talking to-they need to know that we always have their best interest in mind and they need that security I think that we can be in charge when they need us to be. (My mom helped me tremendously through some of the most difficult parts of my life.) When the overwhelming feeling of fear and unfairness and the question why is asked so much despair can paralyze us.
Where I see God’s hand in all of this, it’s that I had the chance to experience this all first. Thankfully I knew first hand what chemo felt like, what emotions and fears and processes and procedures felt like. Of course we both had our individual experiences but it took some of the fear out of it all for me. I was able to more easily feel confident in the process for her, and hold her hand through it all without that fear, which helped tremendously.
It was a long hard winter especially when we hit the last chemo treatments. There was a bump in the road when the physician told Abbey she was finished, and then a consultation with other physicians when they all decided they wanted her to have four more. What a blow to think you are finished-like finishing a marathon only to be told you have another one to run in a week. But still, it was for the good and not because something awful. The treatment was working, they just wanted to be extra careful.
Through all of this I just admire her so much. A lot of people say “you are so strong” when fighting cancer, and the cancer victim always thinks “thanks but I don’t have a choice. What does weak look like?” Because we survivors have all been there also-those weak times. I think strength looks like finding the gratitude in every day, gratitude in a good prognosis, appreciating the awesome nurses (buy them gift cards and cookie cakes!!!), and just to keep swimming.
Some are not so lucky to make it through this crappy cancer, and my heart breaks for them and for their families. It’s not fair, not any of it is, and those that know they are up against the odds-those are really the strongest people ever. I’m so sorry if any of you dear readers have walked this walk, or will always mourn the loss of your loved ones.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all your support and love.
Oh how you feel this. My son is 4 years post treatment. It’s always waiting now. But knowing you’re past the worst… Then thinking the worst can come back. It’s amazing to have made it but so scary and crazy
Thank you and I’m so sorry you are in the same boat. I’m not sure even the big five years will feel that different from now on but every year I know I feel a little more of a deep breath.
So many of us have been here with you for so long, celebrating the ups and terrible downs, but what an honor to be brought along for the ride. We have all appreciated you and your words so much, and it’s been a privilege to offer up the prayers when needed most. We’ve watched your precious girl grow through our own mothering eyes, and she holds this special place in all of our hearts…. healing is a beautiful thing. Spring is here friend, what a time for celebration!
Thank you Sarah!
I’ve never written you before but have followed you since before Janey was born. As a cancer survivor myself, I can relate to what you write about in a very personal way-your words are powerful. I wish you & Abbey God’s blessings & continued good health.
Thank you so much Joanne.
Your courage and Abbey’s courage are unparalleled. I became a follower of Abbey’s during the whole treatment and man, was she brave and raw — she expressed her emotions so well. She’s an excellent writer, just like her mom! I am in awe of you both. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us readers. You are both in my prayers every day. And, I’m sure I echo many readers when I say, I feel like you are old friends. (Old in a good way!) Take care, and may you have nothing but happy, sunny days ahead!
Thank you so much Renee! I feel the same way about old friends and just love it.
I don’t have the words, just continual prayers for your family! Thank you for sharing your story with us, I have no doubt it is already and will continue to inspire and impact people! May healthy, happy, peaceful roads be ahead!
Thank you Beth! I do feel those roads are starting to show themselves and I’m excited about what the future holds.
What a beautiful young woman. I was so glad to see an update about Abbey. I keep your family in my nightly prayers.
Thank you so much Michelle, we both appreciate those prayers!
I can see the blessing in the fact that you had cancer before Abbey. Those of us who have not experienced do not understand. As both my husband and I navigate this with family members, we try to be positive and push forward….but I know I would be depressed if I was in their shoes. It’s a tough, tough, road. But we focus on all the tasks at hand. Let’s hope and pray that this is a season of spring and hope for Abbey after a bleak winter. I’m sure she is a changed person, but we can see her personality shining through, even in the tough times. May her energy continue to return so that she can enjoy being the beautiful, young, and active person she is!
Thank you, friend. You did know what it feels like to be a caretaker and a very invested one. Thank you for all your support for how many years? 40??? Oh geez.
Beautiful post and perspective on it all. Your optimism Will be a gift to both of you in Abbey’s recovery. As a former Hodgkins patient (2000) I’ve followed along closely and so happy treatment has concluded. As you said, the next part is not easy but sending only positive vibes to you both. ❤️
You never cease to amaze me. What an incredible example of honesty and optimism built on brutal reality the two of you are. You are just what she needed because of all the tough emotional work you had to do yourself. Thanks for putting your words and heart out there.
Love you, Sarah. I cannot imagine the depth of what you two have gone through, but I’m so grateful that you have had the opportunity to share your light and experience with that beautiful girl of yours, and in turn with the rest of us. I can feel it powerfully through the screen. Sending so much love your way!❤️
When I was diagnosed, I naively thought – okay, I’ll do a year of treatment, then I can get back to normal – no one told me there was no going back to normal. What a tough thing to go through (for both of you in both instances), but how wonderful it is that you have each other!
Only Abbey could be that stunning with no hair – seriously, she looks amazing!!! I’m so glad her treatments are over and will pray for continued health for both of you. Gosh bless you and yours ❤️
You and your daughter are beautiful and have taken a horrible diagnosis and the agonizing treatments and triumphed – the support you both have shown each other is love at its purest. Thanks to you both for sharing your journeys. May this be in your rear view mirrors – wishing you health, peace and happiness.
Sarah, your words are such a blessing to so many, as always. I wish neither one of you had to suffer through this. Continued prayers,
Sarah — You and Abbey are regularly included in our divine mercy chaplet (along with Britt and Agnes). The Body of Christ beautifully unites complete strangers! You are a beautiful mother and an example to me. ♥️
Thank you for taking the time to write this, Sarah. My heart breaks for all that you have been through. I’m a long time follower and love your blog. So thankful Abbey is done with treatments- she is gorgeous!!
I think and pray for both you and Abbey so often. She is extra beautiful with the shaved head, like how is that even possible? I am so grateful to hear that the treatment is behind her and I hope cancer never touches your life again!!
Thank you friend!
Thank you for the update. Continued love and prayers sent for you and your amazing girl.