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Taken from experience which means mistakes, and a looking back with a “what the heck was I thinking” point of view, here are my five reminders for creating a simple, more peaceful Christmas:
- If Christmas overwhelms you, as a mom, you need to make changes. Strong changes. You are the one that likely is doing most of the work. Stop complaining, and steer the darn sled, you get to enjoy this too.
- Traditions are so important, but sometimes need to be weeded down. And some years, skipped. I think we’ve probably all done some adjusting the last couple years anyways. I will tell you that my older kids remember the SIMPLEST traditions and love them. NOT the stressful traditions. A couple recipes are counted on, decorations that I must put out, the routine for church, dinner, exchanging sibling gifts, waking up at a certain time, meeting at the top of the stairs. We are also bringing traditions with us when we marry-remember that your circumstances, stage of life, supply of help, and ideals are different than what was perhaps done in the past and you can adjust those without the hellfire of ancestral ghosts haunting you.
- If you have a long list, are stressed about getting gifts, trying to make everything fair, back aching from gift wrapping you are doing it wrong. Yes, that is a strong statement but true. You are buying too much. You are gifting too much. You are not concentrating on the right things. The easiest solution to this problem is to make changes. You can announce these changes, don’t be afraid of your children for heaven’s sake, and make whatever story or excuse or reason up that you think is plausible. It doesn’t matter. One gift from Santa, two from us. A book, a toy, and outfit-something to read, play with, wear. Three gifts like Jesus received. One gift and stockings. Gifts go in a Santa sack labeled with a name. Santa gifts aren’t wrapped, or are. The point is: It doesn’t matter what you do, but you should not be stressed out by it. You should not be spending money like a crazy woman trying to make everyone happy, buying loads of crap you don’t want in your house. Start a SIMPLE tradition, the kids will be okay, and then continue, and make it meaningful and beautiful and pleasing to you also. Just make the change this year. Just do it. Maybe this year isn’t the year of adjustment and a little weird on Christmas morning, but it’s better for the long run.
- The kids will be ok. There will be years when you will not make the kids as happy as a toddler with a new box to play with, or a four year old passing out from excitement at the truck or doll they just opened. Think pre-teen years, once the magic is over. Think teenager crabby in the morning, everything they want costs an entire week’s paycheck, and no way is that going to happen for them-those kind of years. Your job is not to make your children happy with gifts. Oh yes it’s so fun! But I can guarantee it’s not going to happen all eighteen years in your home. Don’t take it personally. What to do? Just let it sit. Let it sit for a few days or weeks. Let them work it out. Zip it. Let them see you give an example of gratitude for the littlest things. If you need to have a talk about it, do so later. About hurt feelings, and budgets, and envy. (We all remember this right? Calling the friend who got everything bragging about it?). About expectations-what a life lesson! Handle it later, and be honest, and you will all be fine.
- The biggest issue I think most parents face is being gifted way way too much for their children from relatives. This is difficult. It is well-meaning, but you are the parent. And these things go into your home. And you straighten, clean, put away, organize, make rules about and look at them. It is also your responsibility to raise children who appreciate things, and that will not happen when they have too much. Here is the harsh truth-these are your children and your home and your rules. And you will have to have that talk. I think it’s sad that relatives don’t listen. And no I’m not one yet, but that day is coming for me in the next decade hopefully many times over. I will ask, and ask again, what is it that you’d like me to gift your child? Or even better, start a simple tradition where Grammy gifts a gift card for a special date, or a book with a note inside it every year-once again so many good ideas, that don’t involved usurping Santa, filling a small house with unwanted plastic junk, or creating gift unwrapping exhaustion in children. Have the talk. With gratitude, and directly and coming from a place of strong boundaries but appreciation. The solution can be driven by the relatives or with your suggestion but find the solution.
These are only five reminders for creating a simple, more peaceful Christmas. I think I can write ten. (Here’s another post I wrote on this subject.) Chill out. Breathe deeply. Christmas is a day. It’s not a three month season, it’s not the end all be all, it’s not supposed to be anything close to the buying, decorating busy frenzy it’s turned into it. The only way to enjoy it is to step back (get off social media!), simplify, enjoy the sparkly eyes, and walk slowly through it absorbing the special little ordinary things.
I love your blog, Sarah. It takes me back to the days when I was raising my three children, who are now grown. As the grandmother of five, your message today was a gentle nudge that I needed to hear. I’m so tempted to try to overcompensate at times for the heartache some of my little grands have experienced. Thanks for setting me straight! xo
It’s taken me a couple of holiday seasons to realize and accept that I quite dread it. The expectations, constant *magic* making, gift buying/receiving, decorating- it’s a whole other job I don’t need. And yes, it makes me sad and wish it could be different, but try as I might, family expectations and obligations creep in. Also, I’ve realized that Christmas is just so different for my daughter than it was for me. She gets things all year long; I certainly did not. There was no Target or Amazon to quickly fill our needs/wants. As a consequence, it’s really lost it’s specialness since Santa has been revealed to be just her parents. Like you, I am going to be so mindful and deliberate with my grandchildren because nothing makes an event miserable like feeling obligated to be there does. And too many disposable gifts yield just temporary joy with a fair amount of resentment. I’ve accepted it is what it is, try to enjoy myself the best I can and make sure my family enjoys our time together. But honestly, looking ahead, I envision Christmas as trip away somewhere, away from the obligations and over-consumption, just my little family together- not even a tree!
“…you can adjust those without the hellfire of ancestral ghosts haunting you.” This is the most freeing thing I’ve heard all year long, and somehow made me laugh out loud!!! Thank you!!!
Amen!
Thank you for putting these words down. So true!
Wishing your family a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas celebrating Jesus’ birth.
You’re hitting the nail in the head of how I’ve been feeling Sarah- I’ve been prepping the kids for a few weeks now that we’re just getting books and candy on Christmas morning, and maybe a few novelties in their stocking.
They all have their birthdays in the months before Christmas, there’s nothing new that they need or could delight them!
I’ve been feeling that the build up of the gifts, the gifts, the gifts, takes away from the attention to it being a special holy day, a mass day, a feast day, a family meal and rest day.
You’re so right in saying it’s just one day of December that we should be able to take in stride and if we can’t, we need to scale back. I want my kids to have satisfaction with simple things and other things than gifts. Unfortunately for us to achieve that in our family I do have to push hard in being simple to the point where it may be misconstrued as ‘Grinch’! But as much as I love to make my kids happy with gifts, Christmas isn’t about them, it’s about Jesus, so we can all have a happy time with a few special traditions and you can get spoiled on your birthday. Which is actually about you !!
You are so very wise Sarah and with the range of ages of your children you always have something incredibly pertinent for your followers. I always feel calmer after reading your posts – except for a few when I wanted boxing gloves! 🙂 You have a rare gift…
I would love your perspective on what is most stressful for me: gifting to extended family who has zero connection or interaction with us during the year but I still feel an expectation to gift to during the holidays (case in point: my husband’s parents do not know the names of all six of our children). A few years ago I gently suggested that we discontinue the sibling gift exchanges and there was a huge outcry with the response “this is the only thing keeping us together as a family.” My thought is that if that’s the only family connection, there are much bigger problems than the gift exchange, but I really hate spending time and money on people who could not care less about my family. I admit, however, that my feelings about this are not particularly Christ-like and are definitely detracting from my feelings about the holiday.
I married into a family that goes nuts on the holidays. They were Pinteresting before it was invented. The gifts, the food, the giant trees. It all makes me ill and I was dreading Christmas. I want my home to look like Sarah’s!! I explained how I feel and how I was raised to no avail.
I keep our home peaceful and go to Goodwill often, I don’t even try to display this or that unless I really like it. And people have lightened up with more simple, less expensive gifts. I keep a box in the closet with a list of names and I locate things over the year for those to whom I feel obligated. A candle from TJ Maxx, jam from the farmer’s market. One year, everyone got socks, one pair. Another year it was a turtleneck from Lands End. The children’s mountains of toys got mostly put away a couple weeks after Christmas for rotation, or not, throughout the year.
I am Catholic, I sit in church in front of the tabernacle and stare at the Advent candles a few minutes, pretty often, just be quiet. I don’t want to hate Christmas. Good luck, God bless you.
Love it all Nancy! I love the socks and candles and jam and especially the turtleneck from Lands End. My cup of tea! I don’t want to hate Christmas either and found myself dreading it some years-and knew I had to make a change. I agree-I want quiet and peace and less stuff.
I love this Sarah! I just stopped and made myself a list – gift plan for my kids, holiday traditions, things that bring ME joy in this season, and a list of things I don’t need to be doing! Thank you for the push to refocus and be intentional.
Excellent thoughts!!! This is all so true! Parenting involves having the guts to stand up to all outside pressures for Christmas and decide for yourselves what you want your family to grow up with. I laughed out loud at the “Stear the darn sled” piece of advice! Great job!!! So well said!!
You rock Sarah! Happy Advent Srason.
This deserves a standing ovation. I agree with it all. Very well said, thank you. My kidd are 14, 11, and 6. I don’t have as much experience as you yet so I appreciate your point of view. Merry Christmas
Thank you Laura!
amen and amen!
Yes x 1000!
I’m nodding and smiling and still sort of wondering if we share the same brain from time to time!
I’m in the doghouse for not sending Christmas cards this year, but I honestly just don’t want to, and that’s OK.
We reminded our kids (last month — and many times over the last 10) that they will not get many gifts from us because we buy them pretty much everything they need all year long… and they truly don’t NEED anything… and they always get super spoiled by relatives so they definitely don’t need more “stuff” from us just so they can say that got x number of gifts from their parents.
My favorite line from the whole post (if I had to pick a favorite) is: It doesn’t matter what you do, but you should not be stressed out by it.
Christmas is one day of the year — it does not deserve weeks of stress and anxiety followed by months of debt!
Thanks for your wisdom 🙂
Amen and thank you! These are the words of wisdom I needed to hear today as the holiday to-do list seems to be multiplying by the hour. Thank you!!
Andrea is a huge inspiration when it comes to simplifying!
You are a huge inspiration to me Andrea! You are one of the wise ones that did it right from the beginning!
I love this. Years ago, I found my stress level rising at Christmas year by year as we added traditions and tried to check all the boxes. I sat down and made a list of all the things we could do, and crossed out everything that wasn’t absolutely essential to the spirit of the holiday and didn’t make me feel peaceful. Then just kept the few things that were left. We’ve simplified even more since then. I don’t want Christmas to be stressful, I want it to be a calm and connecting family time. So we are very intentional about it. It makes all the difference not to be running around like crazy people trying to do all the things!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your blog is so down to earth and reassuring. We need more of that in this world!
Thank you Anna! I found myself dreading Christmas at one point and knew I had to make the change. Just not the way I wanted December to be at all and really the opposite of the way it should be.
Love this so much! Thank you!
Once again, perfectly said! This is truer than we all realize. My oldest is 17 now, and I wish I had simplified years ago. I would’ve enjoyed it more and stressed way less. Of course hindsight is 20/20, so I’m choosing to rejoice in the fact that I see it now and am purposing to enjoy more now and worry/stress less now. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Hindsight is 20/20 trust me I know! Wish I would have known from the start that starting so small is where it’s all at. Merry Christmas to you also!
Thank you for always sharing your mama wisdom! It has really helped me along the way, in more ways than I can count.