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Home » Blog » Searching For Peace

Searching For Peace

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane, Mothering

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Searching for and Maintaining Peace

 

I’m loving this book but pacing myself – one little sentence or paragraph at a time because it is rich and powerful and contains deep truth. 

Twice yesterday I came across completely randomly this Bible verse-“In quietness and confidence is your strength.” {Isaiah 30:15}

I wasn’t reading the Bible, or doing anything a bit holy. Trust me when I say it was very random. It happened to strike me the first time because it seemed to be an answer to a frustration I had with myself for being inconsistent with something I wished to do-boundaries- and knew was best for my soul healing. Do you ever get so frustrated with how many times you need to learn a lesson over and over again? Are there people out there that don’t? They just learn the first time? That’s what I tend to think- to imagine that there are completely balanced, always sensible, always consistent, methodical people and I somehow do not have that secret sauce whether it be laziness, moods, disorganization, outside circumstances that I could have avoided- if I had taken care of this, not scheduled that, had the car fixed earlier, found that lump earlier, asked these questions sooner, exercised every day – if I was perfect in a sense – I could avoid pain and hardship and just skate through my life and everything would work out. If I was only better dammit.

And you know what I’ve realized so much? Social media doesn’t help. It hurts so much more than it helps. We say these things, me too! – comparison is the thief of joy, be content with what you have, don’t compare your bad day with their best, we all have different talents, but who can carry that mindset every day? Why do we expect ourselves to? We are inundated with the most unrealistic lifestyles, bodies, faces, hair, houses, food.  Deception, intentional or not. One second it takes to look at an image set up for hours and hours that most likely involved nothing that is real, authentic or naturally flawed and is no reflection of any bit of real life. And then there is the answers-if we adopt this life style, drink this potion, take the course, download this app, do these exercises, follow this plan, buy this stuff all our problems will disappear and we will be-well what? Perfect, peaceful, attractive, happy, rich.  So will our families!  That in fact is the art of advertising-of selling. And we expect our brains with their daily demands to dismiss that all?  They aren’t wired that way, it’s impossible.

So what is the answer?  First to accept there is no perfect person, that social media is likely most of the time an illusion or a business tool and what we are in fact seeing is advertisements UNLESS we are very discerning, and want to expend the energy to be constantly discerning.  That sometimes the more we”let into” our brain that is not fruitful always, does so much more damage than we realize. So discernment is one of the answers, on all fronts of course, not just social media-but we are inundated with information from so many sources today and the authentic person-to-person information exchange our brains ARE wired for has been detrimentally declining.

Consistent discipline is needed for discernment.  And what to discern?  That is where we examine what we want for ourselves.  And if peace is the answer-because only God (or good) can be present in a peaceful soul regardless of outside circumstances, then peace is what we must cultivate.  

What makes us feel peaceful?  That is such an individual answer depending on where we are.  Boundaries.  Time to reflect.  Our habits. Time to remember what we want for ourselves (daily reflection) first, and then what we think best cultivates peace for those in our care. Cultivates means TRY to acquire or develop-TRY, not always, not perfect, not magical, and develop-development of a skill is something that takes time, is malleable and comes in fits and starts-with bumps, and bruises and start overs-to GROW something. Stepping back and asking ourselves lots of questions.  Examining what we can control and strengthening those character traits that help us with all of it.

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December 12, 2020 · 7 Comments

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  1. Therese says

    December 12, 2020 at 6:17 pm

    When I read this book — very slowly, over a few months, I began to understand that TRUE peace — if we honestly desire it, is present in every situation (not just those fleeting moments when the house is clean, the kids are quietly doing something together, and I am feeling for one brief moment 'on top of my game'). The peace that I learned from this wonderful book is the peace that comes when we fully trust that God is with us in the good, the bad, and the ugly. And that no matter how many times we will fall — and we will ALL do so over and over again, He will be there to pick us up and set us back on our feet. I kept visualizing a little toddler trying to walk. When he or she falls down, a loving parent does not delight in their fall, but picks them up, dusts off their pants, imparts encouraging words, and sets them back on their feet to try again. As God's children, this happens for us every time we fall and then seek His help (and it can come in any form – like through that verse you 'randomly' were reminded of yesterday). In that reality, I find great peace. Peace is not the promise of easy living, problem-free lives, mistake-free actions/words — no, because they will always be there. As you alluded to, real life is not a picture perfect social media post — it can and often is much uglier than that. The peace is in knowing that we are never alone even when the times are ugly and we mess up again and again; we will always have a loving parent to dust us off and set us back on our feet. Always. There is such peace in that. May our hearts all be renewed in this – true peace, this Christmas season!

    Reply
    • Jeana says

      December 13, 2020 at 2:30 am

      Therese you are very good with words. You wrote this beautifully. You are right that the only way we find and feel true peace is by staying close to our Heavenly Father. He is very loving and is always there for each of us.
      Sarah, I love your blog. I have read it for years and I have told my husband multiple times that if you lived by me we would be friends:) You have your head on straight and you are such a good mother, and you love our Heavenly Father.You have your priorities in order. Stay close to our Heavenly Father, he will guide you, and he loves you. I know I am a stranger to you so I hope this isn't weird. Thank you for your posts, they are real and relatable. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

      Reply
  2. Susan says

    December 12, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  3. Susan says

    December 12, 2020 at 10:14 pm

    Sarah – as always, I am so grateful for your honesty and vulnerability. I have been struggling with social media lately – well, actually since Halloween when so many people started perfectly decorating their homes for Christmas. For a fleeting moment, I questioned my home and the choices I made about it. But then, one very quiet, very early morning, I looked up from instagram, and looked around my cozy family room and fell back in love with it. I was so grateful for everything about it. This year has been an incredible challenge for all of us. Actually, the past few years have been very challenging for me and my family – lots of sickness and lots of loss. We have had to lean on each other and God for peace and hope. I am so thankful that you share your heart with us and remind us of what is truly important. xoxox

    Reply
  4. Sharlee says

    December 13, 2020 at 8:50 pm

    Sarah–thank you so much for this message. God is clearly trying to teach me something today. I hope that I will come back to this message time and time again. It's not that you're good with words–it's that your words capture my heart and my thought processes so accurately. I feel less alone and more at peace with myself. THANK YOU THANK YOU for sharing your heart today.

    I just taught ran a Zoom discussion with women from church about the peace Christ offers us. I love that you say peace is the only thing we can truly seek and depend on–our circumstances might be hard. We can't avoid that. And to be cruel to ourselves for having to do hard things because we think we might avoid them if we'd done things differently keeps us from finding God in our struggle.

    Again, thank you for sharing.

    PS If you're looking for less spiritual reading, but still something to explore this a little more–Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb was one of my favorite reads of this year.

    Reply
  5. Laura says

    December 14, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    Thank you for this, your insight is so helpful to me !

    Reply
  6. Stephanie says

    December 15, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    This post made me think of the verse, "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Proverbs 31. Thanks for your sharing your wisdom.

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. 🍃
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! 🏡
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
🍃
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
🍃
A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
🍃
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! ☀️
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
🍃
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
🍃
Clip on bed lights save space. 
🍃
A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
🍃
When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
🍃
All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. ☀️🌷🌱
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
☀️
When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
☀️
More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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