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Home ยป Blog ยป Teen Tips-What I Wish I Would Have Known

Teen Tips-What I Wish I Would Have Known

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane

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1. Don’t engage in arguments.  If you argue you make yourself a peer.  Just listen.  State your case.  Understand.  But hold true to what you believe is right, even if you don’t KNOW at the time it is right, you get to make a mistake, err on the side of cautiousness, and then loosen up later.  

2.  Starting loose and reining in is so much more difficult.  Also, you are allowed to take your time (hours, days, weeks and months) in spite of their immediate demands of  “can I go, can I have, etc.”  Hold your ground until you decide otherwise, or if you never do, they will thank you for it down the road.

3.  Be in a good mood in spite of their moody moods.  This is hard I know, I was way too much of an empath, absorbing their moods which means you will feel crazy.  Set your mood in the morning and even if you have to fake smile at their crabbiness or tiredness or frustration or whatever, let YOUR mood influence them, not vice versa. 

4. Good grades don’t always equal success.  Don’t get caught up in the competition of GPA, colleges, and sports.  Is he a good kid with a good heart?  Do you see a work ethic?  Is he kind to others?  Those things matter SO MUCH more in life.

5.  Teens all make mistakes.  Don’t freak out.  Unless it calls for freaking out, and then you can.  Know what’s freak-out-able about and what isn’t.  And then after you freak out, TALK.  Take them to lunch, sit on the bed, stay up late (because that’s when they usually come alive-dad would have to do this because I had a baby always) and talk.  

6. On dating and relationships-oh boy, this was hard for me because I just felt so bad and worried and concerned over all of it, like it was all happening to me again.  And then I remembered, I survived it.  Even the surprise break ups or the “but I thought she was going to ask me to the dance”,  or us really having a great relationship with boy/girl friends that didn’t work out, it is a part of life and learning.  I learned to keep my distance a little with all of it emotionally because it can be a rollercoaster.  

7. This one from my mom-ask questions.  Why do you think that is the right thing to do?  What would you do in that situation?  How do you feel about this or that?  What is the end result you are looking for?  IT WORKS.  And it’s a way to keep communication open.  

8. From my older kids telling me what I did wrong-when they told me something they heard about someone else or something else or had a different opinion on something I would answer immediately with a judgement instead of just listening and then asking questions.  

9.  You are allowed to take away the phone or the Ipad or the laptop.  And hide them.  And let them withdrawal.  Which might be nasty.  But then they will know what it feels like to have their brains really work again.

10. They will love you again I PROMISE.  It might take some time away (college etc) but they will.  I never thought it would be true in the thick of it, but I truly have an incredible friendship with my 3 oldest who all drove me crazy at times during their teen years, and probably said some bad words under their breath to me while they slammed a door (and I might have also).   I promise, they will come back.  And it’s awesome when they do.

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September 10, 2019 ยท 12 Comments

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  1. Rebekah says

    September 10, 2019 at 6:21 am

    Thank you, Sarah!!!

    Reply
  2. Dini says

    September 10, 2019 at 11:58 am

    Thank you…thank you…thank you!!! This was an awesome read!! I have 3 teens right now – 14, 17, and 18. I'm in the thick of it with all 3 in high school. More teen advice would be greatly appreciated!!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    September 10, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    As a mom of a 14 year old right now, thank you for these tips and reminders. It really is so hard not to get sucked into all their moods and drama and not let it affect what I say or how I act. Plus it's always reassuring hearing that they will grow out of this stage and love you. Thanks for your wisdom!

    Reply
  4. Christi says

    September 10, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    Yes, yes. Wise words! xo

    Reply
  5. Lisa says

    September 11, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    I'm always so appreciative of your advice about parenting teens. With 3 teenagers between ages 14-18, I need all the advice I can get!

    Reply
  6. Angela S. says

    September 11, 2019 at 2:49 pm

    Absolutely to all but especially #9. My husband and I are older than alot of the other parents at school, work etc. and they come to us frequently about phones and tablets b/c they know our kids dont have them- and they are fine! They act like there's nothing they can do about it but they can! Take. Them. Away. You're paying for it, they live in your house. You're the boss, act like it. It's totally worth it, we have such great relationships with our kids and they honestly don't care even though all their friends have several devices. Thank you Sarah! I needed to hear several of these this week.

    Reply
  7. Heather S says

    September 11, 2019 at 3:06 pm

    Oh, I love this advice SO much!!! Thank you, Sarah! I have 2 kids in college now, 2 in high school, and 2 grade schoolers. So, I'm just beginning to see that what you're saying is really true! I'm holding on to hope that I can remember and do better with some of my younger kids. The hardest part is remembering to step back, hold space, ask questions, and not judge in the heat of the moment!

    Reply
  8. Susan says

    September 11, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    Thank you so much for your wisdom. Such wonderful advice. I tend to get so emotional when my kids are emotional. I am trying to just sit and breathe when they are talking to me. xo

    Reply
  9. Tan says

    September 12, 2019 at 4:03 pm

    Thank you for all of this โค๏ธ

    Reply
  10. Michele says

    September 12, 2019 at 5:01 pm

    Thank you so much! My girls (19 and 17) tell me I care too much. Last year was a roller coaster with health issues (17 year old…3 surgeries and still having issues), social issues, boys and everything else teenage kids deal with. I know I need to stop internalizing everything as it affects my health so again, thank you.

    Reply
  11. Laura says

    September 13, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    Your wisdom is so refreshing! Thanks, Sarah.

    Reply
  12. Sole Ravendo says

    October 1, 2019 at 4:09 am

    Thank you! I so needed to read this tonight.

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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The snow was so gorgeous I couldn't be mad-it help The snow was so gorgeous I couldn't be mad-it helped to know it would melt quickly. 
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I've been reading more and trying to stay in a strong intentional living - slow paced, thoughtful, healing, small accomplishments, and enjoying a daily routine. ๐ŸŒฑ
Wake up early, make beds, get the kids to school, laundry, dinner prep, cleaning, appts, errands, hopefully soon blogging, painting, writing, (now that I can use my wrist without pain) and then the day is almost over, and homework, sports, dinner, bedtime. The days fly by even with the intention of a slow pace.
Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
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Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
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Clip on bed lights save space. 
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