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Home ยป Blog ยป Melancholic Sentamentality Syndrome

Melancholic Sentamentality Syndrome

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane, Mothering

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I know I’m not the only mom of grown children who suffers from this syndrome I just made up.

It can hit at different times of the year.  Usually brought on by a change in seasons or change in circumstances, such as children leaving, summer beginning, school starting, weddings, new babies born to anyone, birthdays, graduations, etc.  Oh, and looking at scrapbooks, old photos, or God forbid home videos.

Symptoms:

Deep yearning for the past-just one day of having them all babies again.

Doubt over wondering if I spent that time appreciating or fully soaking up the stage of life of having littles ones with very few outside obligations- being able to cultivate that “bubble”.   Did I spend too much time thinking it would get easier one day instead of harder in different ways? 

A fear of starting to really feel the loss and sadness and knowing that if you start crying and really processing it all, you’ll never stop the grief and tears, so better to just take a deep breath and live in the present.

Crazy lady desires like holding babies in grocery stores that aren’t yours, dreaming of baskets of babies left on your doorstep, or wanting to pick up and squeeze every chubby little toddler that walks by.  “That” lady who wants to tell the mom of young ones to just slow down and appreciate the days at home, and not make the days rush by filled with activities.

Treatment:

Remember that we all learn by doing, in the moment, day by day, and we’d all do things differently throughout our life looking back.

Deeply deeply appreciate the choices we made to have me stay home and be HERE every day, through it all.  Deep gratitude.

Acknowledge that it always is easy to see the cuteness, and not the sleepless nights and inner tension of being at the beck and call of needy little guys all the time.

And most important-one day I will be saying the same thing about THESE days right now.

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June 5, 2019 ยท 10 Comments

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  1. Michelle G says

    June 5, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    I still do have little ones at home, though not exactly babies. Good friends of ours who have struggled with infertility just took home 8 month old twin girls for adoption yesterday and I've never wanted to kidnap babies so badly! I just want a do-over really. A chance to know that hindsight is 20 20 and do it all again with perspective!

    Reply
  2. Unknown says

    June 5, 2019 at 5:04 pm

    My 7 year old was asking for another brother just yesterday. He is one of five boys – although he briefly thought about having a sister, but quickly changed his mind. I told him that I was done having babies. I'll be 46 next month and the thought of being done is so weird to me. I love babies, but I did love the fact that he wanted another sibling. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right and that they love our crazy family. I also told him it's his job to have lots of babies for me to hold someday. Although he again said no girls.

    Reply
    • Christine says

      June 11, 2019 at 8:08 pm

      I have a friend that had a beautiful healthy baby girl this year at the age of 48! Never say never and those children are wonderful gifts from God. Especially for the siblings.

      Reply
  3. S says

    June 6, 2019 at 10:35 am

    This resonates…everyone says oh if I could do it over again now, I would be a better, more patient mom, but I think back in the throes of toddler tantrums, juggling kids and life, lack of sleep, I would probably make the same mistakes? As much as I wish for the days of reading picture books at bedtime, tucking them all in by 8 pm, the simplicity of a snack or a walk to reset moods, library visits, etc., It's fun to see the older ones come into their own…each stage is so unique even if I do often suffer from "MSS". Hoping grandkids will be the cure eventually!! (But not too soon haha)

    Reply
  4. Pidge says

    June 6, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    Yes to all of this! My first "baby" just graduated from High School and I'm feeling all the feelings! I find it bittersweet looking back at old photos. I am so very, very grateful for having the option to be home with my children for their childhood, and grateful that I can still continue to do so even as they are growing and spreading their wings. I have always appreciated your perspective and encouragement through these SAHM years. I also think that whether we have the option to stay home with them or to work outside the home, its cherishing the simple, daily moments that create the most precious memories.

    Reply
  5. Rose Jorgensen says

    June 6, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    I'm in the middle of it all. I am happy to see my two adult daughters thriving and surviving, and happy when they come home from college or time off work. I am however, sad when they leave. I have gotten used to my oldest not coming home as much because her works doesn't allow her too take too much time off. I still have a teen and a 9.5 year old still at home and you better believe I am living in the moment each freaking day with them! Although I yearn for the days when life was easier with the girls being little, and Noah being a baby. Living in North Carolina with no smartphones, and cheaper cost of living, I am grateful to be living where I am where my last two kids are exposed to various culture, life, the world. It's been a blessing and at the age of 47 have learned to embrace this point in my life with grace, and appreciation. thank you for sharing your thoughts because it totally makes sense. We all have our melancholy moments!! xo

    Reply
  6. Andrea says

    June 8, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    This is totally me! I have two boys – one graduating high school in a week and one entering high school in the fall. I am so lucky to have these two and excited for the adventures my older one will have in college in the fall. But I would give anything for a day with them back at age 5.

    We tell the younger one that his older brother had 4.5 years with our full attention (since he was the oldest) and now its younger brother's turn!

    It is hard, though, coming upon the end of an era, knowing we are behind the small kid stage. I think I miss the 3-4-5-6ish ages the most!

    Reply
  7. Susan says

    June 9, 2019 at 4:57 pm

    I, too, suffer from Melancholic Sentimentality Syndrome. I'm so glad you put a name to it! My oldest is going to be a senior in high school this year – I don't know where the years go! I lament over the countless hours I wasted worrying about silliness. Of course, at the time, I didn't think it was silly! I am praying that I can fully enjoy this last year of her home with us. Thanks so much for putting words to my feelings. xoxo

    Reply
  8. beth says

    June 14, 2019 at 12:26 am

    loved this and really appreciate & admire your honesty, humility, wisdom and gratitude.

    Reply
  9. Traci says

    June 15, 2019 at 3:05 am

    I do remember in the early years of your blog that you'd go through this every time your kids had a birthday. It stuck in my mind because birthdays never made me sad. I am an empty nester now though…..my kids are the age of your oldest two…โ€ฆ.and oh how I yearn for the earlier days. And have many of the same thoughts you mentioned.

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
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As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
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A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
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Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
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I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
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Clip on bed lights save space. 
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A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
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When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
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All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
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When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
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More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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