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Home ยป Blog ยป What I Know Now-Holiday Edition

What I Know Now-Holiday Edition

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane, Mothering

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"Not a creature was stirring ... Not even a mouse." Remember the night and the moon and my brother whispering so we didn't wake the younger ones, There is no Santa Claus, I kept getting out of the bed and looking out the window :(

I’ve been thinking with all the holidays coming up I’d share a few thoughts about how to really enjoy them as a mom.  Remember I can do this, because I’ve learned through trial and error and messing up, and wanting do-over!  And I still am learning because families change and grow and adapt and that means we have to also.  But looking back at the younger years what would I change?  What have I learned?

1. I wouldn’t overbook so that when the actual holiday comes around I and my children and husband are all tapped out. Our culture does a crazy job of encouraging this burnout.   Choose very very carefully what is worth participating in, and remember that for sure less is more.  Sometimes this means saying no to every “extra” but the actual day, depending on the ages of our children.  Sometimes this means being really really strong and very purposeful about what experience we want our children to have and what memories we want to give them surrounding a holiday.  Some years it’s OK to just go trick-or-treating, or just make Christmas cookies and light an Advent wreath and decorate a tree and wake up on Christmas morning really deeply able to enjoy the day.  (Read Little House in the Big Woods or Anne of Green Gables or talk to grandparents for reminders of how our culture has changed!)

2. I would have had a plan with the future in mind when it comes to gifts.  What looked easy, affordable and non-consequential with a little one or two, will usually not last through more additions to the family and as children age.  It’s easier to start really really small and simple and with a system in mind. (Something to wear, read, play with etc…one of those systems.)  Err on the side of less is more.

Also remember, if my happiness that day depends on everyone getting what they want and gasping in delight at every gift, even the socks and underwear, well, I will never be happy.  There will be years (thinking early teen) when kids are going through maybe a little friend envy and have to work through it, or are annoyed they have to get up at open gifts at 7 a.m. with everyone else (thinking late teen, early college), or just someone will have a bee in their bonnet, or say something thoughtless and we don’t know what’s up.  Just know kids grow and change, and talk about it later and eat some hot-cross Christmas buns and be grateful for all the growing pains and good times and bad.

3.  I would get that vision of perfection out of my head that we all see everywhere.  There is nothing at all wrong-it’s so fun!-making our homes and our tables and our gifts look pretty-I love that part.  But many years, the top half of the tree is decorated because of toddlers and my nice plan for matching gift wrap goes all astray.  This goes for those perfect cards also-there are a few cards I look at that make me sad because I remember getting really mad at someone not cooperating, or the tears involved from the stress and or frustration and it just ruins the memory then-don’t do that!  (Just a note-sometimes those memories make me laugh too.)

4. From the start, I would pick a few good traditions and stick with them.  The kids don’t care how fancy or complicated or special it is-they want what is familiar to them, even if it is so simple and doesn’t require a lot of hoopla. 

5. I would always remember that some holidays are just going to disasters or really really not as planned-everyone will have the flu, or you will be due with your fifth baby on Christmas Eve, or getting chemo the day before Thanksgiving and home sick.  Just expect that life will throw a wrench into plans (I say this about vacation also-I believe it’s about every 1 in 5 will just be a little bit of a bomb).

And most of all-remember the years really do fly and appreciate the awesomeness of seeing it all again through a child’s point of view.

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November 13, 2018 ยท 12 Comments

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  1. ohio12 says

    November 13, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    wonderful reminders. thank you. as always.

    Reply
  2. Kelsey says

    November 13, 2018 at 11:11 pm

    Thank you for the last one in particular. I'm in the throws of my first trimester with my 5th baby, and I have definitely been stressing too hard about the holidays. Sometimes I can put way too much pressure on myself!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    November 14, 2018 at 1:22 am

    So true, thank you!

    Reply
  4. Jeanneke says

    November 14, 2018 at 5:59 am

    So surprised by the Dutch 'Gelukkig Nieuwjaar' (= 'Happy New Year') postcard above all your wonderful reminders!
    Sending love and blessings from The Netherlands,

    Jeanneke.

    Reply
  5. Dini says

    November 14, 2018 at 11:42 am

    I love this!! Thank you for these reminders.

    Reply
  6. Laura says

    November 14, 2018 at 11:44 am

    Thank you! I appreciate you sharing your wisdom. I have an almost 12 year old son, almost 9 year old daughter, and a 3 year old daughter. I am probe to burning out, so I will definitely focus on what is most important and not over doing it! Happy Holidays โค

    Reply
  7. Andrea says

    November 14, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    Thank you so much for this insight as we head into the holidays. This is the time where I start imagining that perfect Christmas and all I'll get done, so this reminder is great!!

    Reply
  8. LeighSabey says

    November 14, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    I think you may have shared some of this advice before, as it really sunk in with me and has helped our family so much! This year, we moved to a new home right before halloween. I decided to focus on the move and not think about halloween at all, beyond buying a couple bags of candy for trick or treaters. The kids (ages 5, 8, and 10) put together their own costumes, other moms planned fun school parties, and we just skipped all the Halloween weekend activities around town. We had a blast trick or treating and it was so nice to have the holiday be one day only! Still, fun memories were made, but no stress or burnout. Thank you for helping me see that this is totally an option!

    Reply
  9. S says

    November 15, 2018 at 10:16 am

    This needs to be shared widely – such great advice. I wish I had kept gifts simple. I always have to remember gift opening takes such a short amount of time in relation to the time we moms put into it – it doesn't make sense to try and extend it by buying more! My kids tell me their stockings are their favorite part anyways! Yes yes yes to simple, doable and meaningful!!

    Reply
  10. Jill says

    November 19, 2018 at 4:34 am

    Thank you for these reminders!

    Reply
  11. Unknown says

    November 19, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    A breath of fresh air. That's what your posts feel like to me! So glad there are others who long for simpler, more meaningful approaches to life. Thankful for you!

    Reply
  12. ccb1972 says

    November 19, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    You have been on my mind and I have been meaning to check to see if you'd posted much since I last checked when you shared about what you have been dealing with in regards to your health. Of course it would be totally understandable if the blog took a back seat, but I am SO glad to come back and find such helpful and amazing posts. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I always love reading it!

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
๐Ÿƒ
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
๐Ÿƒ
A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
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I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
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Clip on bed lights save space. 
๐Ÿƒ
A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
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When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
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All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
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When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
โ˜€๏ธ
More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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