• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • House Love
  • Mothering
  • Recipes
  • Books
  • Tutorials
  • 40 Bags In 40 Days
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact

Clover Lane

  • Love This
  • To Love Somebody
  • Brotherly Love
  • Patrick's Baby Love
  • My Girls
Home ยป Blog ยป To Teenage Girls, With Love

To Teenage Girls, With Love

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane

Share
Pin
Tweet
Email
Print

Stop.

Stop taking photos of yourselves.  Selfies. Whatever they are called.

Just stop.

If you keep up at the rate that you are going, you will have one million pictures of yourself by the time you are twenty four!

That is a lot of you.

Too much of you.

Too much looking at yourself.

Too much doing your hair, spending hours on your makeup, dressing just right. Too much getting that perfect angle so your nose doesn’t look too big, that break out doesn’t show, the bangs hang just right, the lips pursed just so.  Too much posing-the legs crossed so you look thinner, the hips jutted out, the stomach sucked in, the chest out, chin down. The angle, don’t forget the angle is everything-one wrong move and your stomach, oh no!  All for a photo!

Too much scrutiny, way too much pressure! What will others think of this one particular picture (out of the thousands they’ve already seen)?  “Is it sexy enough that I’ll get enough ‘likes’?  Do I look my best ever? Are my eyelashes long enough, my lips full enough, my thighs skinny enough, my complexion flawless?”

Stop.

Stop thinking about you, you, you.

Here’s what you need to know:

The people who love you, truly love you, love you in person.  

That means they know what you look like in real life. They’ve seen you without makeup, they’ve seen what your hair looks like when you first wake up.  They can pick you out of a crowd of one hundred girls just by the way you swing your arms when you walk, the slightest difference in your posture. They don’t have a favorite side, angle or pose. They love your real smile-the smile you use when the camera isn’t on you and there is a big difference. Their hearts fill with love for you when you walk in the door. Their heart breaks with yours when something hurtful happens to you. They don’t scrutinize your appearance, they care about how you are feeling inside.

And they love it the most when you aren’t trying so hard to be someone else they don’t even know. They love you because you are unique-they love most especially what makes you different.

And do you know when you look your best?

When you are caring for others. 

When you are listening to your grandfather talk about something that doesn’t really interest you. When you are reading a book to your little brother again, or trying to decipher your toddler cousin’s gibberish. When you are having an honest conversation with your parents and your eyes sparkle, when you are sharing funny stories of your friends, or what happened at work and your smile crinkles your eyes. When your face lights up instantly when you see someone you love. When you take the time to brighten the cashier’s day or give a stranger a compliment, or lend a shoulder to cry on, or are friendly to shy classmate.

See, this is you…

you not thinking about you.

You are doing, sharing, learning, helping, listening to SOMEONE ELSE.

Living!

Girls, this is the key to beauty.

This is the KEY TO BEAUTY.

These are the girls real men fall in love with (the men worth marrying), these are the girls who find friendships that last a lifetime, these are girls who have the time to discover their talents and gifts and use them for the betterment of mankind, these are the girls that end up with rich fulfilling beautiful lives surrounded by those that love them for who they really are.

Don’t spend so much time on your outside that you forget the real you inside, which is the source of your beauty.

Take pictures of yourself having fun with your friends but don’t pose, one day you will treasure those memories and wonder where the time went.  Take candid photos with your arms around your parents, you will treasure those as well.  Make your grandparents take a selfie with you, now you will laugh, but one day you will shed tears over that photo and wish you would have asked them one hundred more questions to learn from their experiences. Take a picture of yourself with your siblings-that photo will make you crack up one day when it happens that you all find yourselves in one house again, suddenly grown up with families of your own.

There is no harm in collecting memories.

But then stop.

Become yourself by doing for others.

Live your life in service to others.

And a magical thing will happen-every day you stop thinking about you, you will become more and more beautiful. Inside and outside. If you don’t believe me, just try it.

Start living and stop posing.

The world needs you desperately.

Share
Pin
Tweet
Email
Print

October 20, 2015 ยท 57 Comments

Follow by Email

Previous Post: « Encouragement For A Mother’s Heart
Next Post: Thinking, Playing, Reading »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Comments

  1. You Can Call Me Jane says

    October 20, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

    Reply
  2. S says

    October 20, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Absolutely…I get eye rolls but I always tell my daughter that blemish she is so upset about is not noticed by anyone else…that if she smiles that is what people will focus on. I also believe giving our teens lots of avenues to helping others gets them out of their own little world. Let's face it, we have all been teens and I am so thankful social media wasn't around back then. Teenager years are tough…

    Reply
  3. momto5minnies says

    October 20, 2015 at 2:41 pm

    Thank you … as a mom of 5 girls, this is perfectly stated.

    Reply
  4. Amy Maze says

    October 20, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    beautifully said!

    Reply
  5. Kayla says

    October 20, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Amen. I have been trying to get this point across to my girls….but all they see are their friends looking fantastic…then, they obsess over how many "likes" they get. It isn't healthy, but they just roll their eyes at me. Someday they will get it. I have faith!

    Reply
  6. Unknown says

    October 20, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    Brilliant article. Thank you.

    Reply
  7. Cathy says

    October 20, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    This post is perfect and amazing!! I even think this applies to women of all ages. Keep your eyes more on others and less on you.
    Blessings to all!!!

    Reply
  8. Emily says

    October 20, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    So beautifully said! Every girl in the world needs to read this!!

    Reply
  9. stephanie says

    October 20, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    oh gosh, sarah, this is SO good!

    Reply
  10. Teresa says

    October 20, 2015 at 5:04 pm

    With love — yes! Beautifully put, Sarah!

    Reply
  11. Unknown says

    October 20, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    I love this article. My daughter is only 3 and I am so scared for when she is a teenager and for whatever the big fad is in her teen years. In my HS days we had to go get the roll of film developed before we knew how cute we looked, or didn't look. no deleting and retaking. Its good to see faults and insecurities in each other, and still love each other despite what your idea of perfect is. Can I get away with never giving my daughter a cell phone??? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
    • The Keith-Chirch/Chirch Family says

      October 26, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      The Warrens – – Yes, actually, you can get away with never giving your daughter a cell phone! ๐Ÿ™‚ That's exactly what we have done, and our two oldest are now on their own (18 and 21) and thanked us for allowing them to have their childhoods. They have their entire adult lives to become immersed in social media and devices if they so wish. Going without it for 18 years won't kill them.

      Reply
  12. Marilyn @ MountainTopSpice says

    October 20, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Obsession with self is never, ever a good thing. Your articulations about the dangers of such a thing need to be heard! Sadly, in this modern electronic world we live in, what matters is your "online personality" more than who you are in person, and that is one of the saddest things about this technology driven culture. You can portray who you "want" to be online, but be totally different in person. A good wake-up call for all of us really… it is more important that we nurture and prioritize our face to face relationships, rather then an "online personality". Excellent article!!!

    Reply
  13. Unknown says

    October 20, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    Beautifully said!! Love this so so much!!! I can't really think of a positive result of the explosion of social media and so very many negative ones, this being one of the biggest. Sadly enough, this isn't limited to teenagers. I used to have a Facebook and Instagram account and it didn't take me long to get enough and close them. Too much nonsense I just don't want floating around in my head all the time. I was always shocked at the number of grown women who posted nearly daily photos of themselves, I just simply don't get it. Excellent post!!!

    Reply
    • Margo says

      October 21, 2015 at 9:30 am

      I think there are hundreds of positives to social media. The chance to see how other people live. The chance to interact with people who's views are fundamentally different than your own, to open your mind and your horizons. To connect with people you otherwise wouldn't have a chance to meet. To reconnect with people with whom you'd otherwise lose track of. Personally my faith has been ENORMOUSLY enhanced and strengthened by social media. Reading blogs and tweets of people who have dedicated their lives to God has helped me see that that's what I should be doing to. Even reading this very blog has given me an insight into what it is to live a faithful and committed life. Sure, there are enormous negatives too but I think that to dismiss it all as trite and negative is to shut yourself off from the enormous growth potentials that are out there.

      Reply
    • Lisa says

      October 21, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      Margo, I think that your points are valid ones as I, too, feel very positively influenced by certain social media outlets which I have chosen carefully. However, I also think that's true because I am mature and grounded, and I don't care how many likes or views or followers I have because my identity is fully (or mostly) formed. I think most teens are much more vulnerable to the negatives of social media than adults- which I guess is true of anything in life really.

      Reply
  14. green says

    October 20, 2015 at 6:45 pm

    Oh thank you. Thank you. These are the words perfectly formed from things I have been pondering and will share with every teenage girl and future mother of teenage girls I know.

    Reply
  15. John and Anna says

    October 20, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    Thank you, this is right on!

    Reply
  16. Still Reviewing says

    October 20, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Beautifully written. I taught high school for 10 years and this needs to be posted on every bulletin board.

    Reply
  17. LML says

    October 20, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    <3 you!

    Reply
  18. Wegie says

    October 20, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Thank you for saying this! I will be saving this for my little girl when she is older. And, will share with my teenaged nieces now!

    Reply
  19. Debra says

    October 20, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Sarah, this was excellent! My 13 isn't a selfie girl and I hope that never changes but this will be shared with her. I was talking with my husband the other day about this exact subject – it is challenging as a parent to deal with all of this stuff we didn't have growing up. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Reply
  20. Only in Louisiana ~ documenting the adventures we call Life! says

    October 20, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Wow ~ Well said…As the mother of three teenagers, I agree! Hard to stay grounded in such a superficial world.

    Reply
  21. Jill says

    October 20, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    This made me tear up. My grandma passed away when I was 17. The Scrapbook i had with most of the pictures of the two of us together along with her handwritten personal history got ruined in a move. I have two maybe three pictures of just the two of us. I miss her and her wisdom dearly. I love this post so much! I work with the girls at my church ages 12-18 and I am going to share this with them.

    Reply
  22. Andrea says

    October 20, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    Wonderfully stated with a perfect perspective. Bravo! I wish you could proclaim this from the rooftops as it would help so, so many girls. Excellent!

    Reply
  23. Kierstin says

    October 20, 2015 at 11:24 pm

    LOVE this! So beautifully said

    Reply
  24. Being Refined says

    October 21, 2015 at 1:03 am

    This is truth!! You said this so well! Thank you!!

    Reply
  25. Meghan says

    October 21, 2015 at 2:11 am

    This is beautifully written and so important! Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  26. Susan says

    October 21, 2015 at 3:08 am

    Wow! This is so beautiful and so timely!! It's so sad to see girls spending so much time worrying about how many "likes" a picture will get them! They are losing sight of what is important!!

    Reply
  27. dfamily says

    October 21, 2015 at 4:11 am

    Love this Sarah! Thank you for sharing these truths! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  28. Amy @ OurScoop says

    October 21, 2015 at 7:02 am

    Spot on! Oh how I love this!! Thanks for putting it so beautifully.

    Reply
  29. thelmarose says

    October 21, 2015 at 9:18 am

    This is beautiful, Sarah. Thank you for sharing.

    P.S. You should put all your wisdom into a book!

    Reply
  30. Margo says

    October 21, 2015 at 9:27 am

    I think there is a certain power to the selfie taken by a teenage girl in that she is subverting the male gaze and all the enormous issues that go along with that.

    Reply
  31. Eileen says

    October 21, 2015 at 11:52 am

    I love this!

    Reply
  32. Unknown says

    October 21, 2015 at 11:56 am

    I'm going to share a link to this, I know so many teenaged girls who could benefit from this post, hopefully they will take your words to heart. Thanks for posting, Sarah.

    Reply
  33. Lisa says

    October 21, 2015 at 2:18 pm

    AMEN.

    thank you for expressing this so well, powerful words!

    Reply
  34. Anonymous says

    October 21, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    Perfect! I just printed this and laid it on my 12 year old daughters pillow. It's not often she takes a selfie but she is only 12 and I hope to plant a seed now before it could get out of hand. I often find it embarrassing to look at a young girls selfie with the pouty lips and low cut shirts.

    Reply
  35. Maiden Jane says

    October 21, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    Wise and thought-provoking, as always, Sarah! (I'm cheering you on to write a book, also!)

    Reply
  36. Hardlyagoddess says

    October 21, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    This is the best post that I wish I had written, but so glad to have in my head as an arsenal during the teenage years~ thank you. I can't wait to read this again and again.

    Reply
  37. Melissa says

    October 21, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    YES!!

    Reply
  38. Denise says

    October 21, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    Bravo! So well said.

    Reply
    • Denise says

      October 21, 2015 at 4:58 pm

      I had to share this one on Facebook.

      Reply
  39. Margaret says

    October 22, 2015 at 4:39 am

    Best post ever!

    Reply
  40. Margaret says

    October 22, 2015 at 4:43 am

    Best post ever!

    Reply
  41. NY Baakis says

    October 22, 2015 at 6:21 am

    You need to do the whole world a favor and write a book!! Love everything you write and how you write it! Thank you!! : )

    Reply
  42. Unknown says

    October 22, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    I'm letting my daughter read this after school today, great post!!

    Reply
  43. Holly says

    October 23, 2015 at 1:24 am

    amen!

    Reply
  44. Rose Jorgensen says

    October 23, 2015 at 3:04 am

    Great way to have worded this to teens who take selfies. I'm grateful two have two girls with smartphones who do not take endless selfies! Sad thing is that I know women my age who take selfies, and I'm 44. Vanity certainly isn't a good thing, and I'm glad you wrote this! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  45. mary evans says

    October 23, 2015 at 4:15 am

    always coming to here to get a breath of fresh air (besides church!;))
    now, I'm off to see how much Janey has grownโ€ฆ.so excitedโ€ฆ.

    Reply
  46. Sleen says

    October 23, 2015 at 5:41 am

    such wisdom! truly inspired–thank you!

    Reply
  47. Erin says

    October 24, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    Sarah this post gave me chills! It is SO spot on and just beautifully written. Reading this to my girls! xo

    Reply
  48. Pam says

    October 25, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    Beautiful and much needed. This goes for grown up girls too…..I see way too many grown women doing the same thing. Love this so, so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

    Reply
  49. Woods says

    October 26, 2015 at 6:21 pm

    Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, thank you for this. I'll read it to my daughter and then forward it on to my sisters : )

    Reply
  50. Brenda says

    October 27, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Thank you for your eloquent words. Yesterday my children's school guidance counselor shared this with the entire junior high and high school!

    Reply
  51. Richella Parham says

    October 28, 2015 at 2:27 pm

    Oh, Sarah, thank you. THANK YOU. This is spot on, and so desperately needed. I shared it on my Facebook page; I hope it gets shared far and wide! And it makes me think that many of us middle-aged women have not set a very good example for the girls we love. . . how often have I tried to stand at just the right angle so that I'll look slim in photos? Or lamented the fact that my smile wasn't quite right or my eyes were half-closed? Whenever we make things all about ourselves or, even worse, all about the way we look, we're doing our loved ones, our communities, and ourselves a disservice. Thank you for calling a spade a spade in such a loving, gracious way!

    Reply
  52. Unknown says

    December 15, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    I think some mommas need this too. I admit, I love me some IG (of course, I'm not trying to be sexy…) but I guess I am setting an example. Thank you, Sarah.

    Reply
  53. By the cross says

    January 20, 2016 at 5:40 pm

    Just read this for the first time and all I can say is Amen and Amen! John 3:30, "He must increase but I must decrease!"

    Reply

Primary Sidebar

Welcome!

Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

21 years of our best-loved, most-used quality toys!

Follow by Email

Recent Posts

  • Sorting, Saving and Storing Children’s Keepsakes-A Quick and Easy Guide for Busy Moms
  • No-Clutter Easter Basket Ideas
  • Favorite Kitchen Items
  • Favorite Smoothie Recipe
  • Bathroom Organization-Five Tips For Purging and Organization

Topics

Amazon Affiliate Disclaimer

Clover Lane is participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Read my disclosure.

Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
๐Ÿƒ
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
๐Ÿƒ
A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
๐Ÿƒ
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
๐Ÿƒ
Clip on bed lights save space. 
๐Ÿƒ
A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
๐Ÿƒ
When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
๐Ÿƒ
All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
โ˜€๏ธ
When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
โ˜€๏ธ
More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Disclosure

Copyright © 2021 ยท Memories on Clover Lane ยท All Rights Reserved
Please do not duplicate anything on this blog without written permission from the author.
Disclosure: Amazon affiliate links used.