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Home ยป Blog ยป Guard Your Time

Guard Your Time

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane

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I am republishing this as most of us are sending our children off to school and going to parent meetings and facing sign-up sheet-just a little reminder!

A couple weeks ago I had to go to a quick meeting after school for a first grade activity that involved a family feast.  I was assigned to make a part of a meal and we volunteers all met with the teacher for a quick “go over”.  I sent my older kids home on the bus, just for routine sake, and because they are old enough to be home for a few minutes.  Of course I had my trusty helper Patrick by my side.

One of the moms there had a little baby in a car seat, 2 little ones, and was picking up her first grader. The baby had been peacefully sleeping, and some of the other kids (like kids do) woke him up to “see the baby”.  Her little toddlers were being little toddlers and she tried to keep track of them and attend the meeting at the same time.  She look frazzled, tired and overwhelmed.

It brought back SO many memories, because that was once me.

I remember the amount of work it took to organize naps and nursing times, to show up for a meeting at school or someone’s house, or to drop off a snack that I was signed up for, or to show up in a classroom.  It hardly ever seemed to go smoothly for me and never as easy as I thought it would be.

It often meant that the entire nap/nursing/snack/dinner schedule was thrown off for the rest of the day, or sometimes even days.  It meant I had to find something decent to wear, and find the time somewhere to put on some makeup and brush my hair.  It meant that I had to make sure each child had a snack in him/her, to prevent breakdowns. It meant I had to look at my watch all morning long.  It meant that I usually ended up sweating buckets carrying a 40 pound car seat, and a toddler who refused to walk, into a stuffy classroom, or drive across town to someone’s house. 

I always felt very obligated to do all I could to help…I didn’t want anyone to say, “Oh she never does anything.”  I felt like my kids would have this huge gap in their childhood if I wasn’t participating regularly at their in-school activities. 

As I added my 4th and 5th child to the family, I let ALL of that go.  I gave myself permission to NOT sign up for things, I gave myself permission to be OK with letting school be school, and not a parent participation contest, I gave myself permission to know myself, and know my babies, and know my family…what I can’t handle, what is too disruptive for our little thriving schedule, what I just don’t want to do…it’s all OK. 

Here’s what I want to tell my younger self, and all of you who may be experiencing the same struggles I did:

1. Whether you have one child, or two, or five, remember that their are times and seasons of your life, where you are “allowed” to step back and just survive day to day without adding more to your plate. 

2. Be confident in having the knowledge that only you and you alone can decide when your family can handle any extra commitments. 

3. Learn to say no without guilt.  Offer to do what you can do easily…that means with no stress.

4. Don’t compare yourself with others.  What one person seems to handle with ease (notice the “seems” part), is maybe not what you can handle.  We all have different talents, and we all have different stresses and thresholds.  We also all have different support systems behind the scenes.

5. Be kind to yourself and in spite of what the world tells us all today, do not underestimate how much work it is to be a mom, just by itself, without all the extra things we feel pressured to do today. 

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August 19, 2015 ยท 12 Comments

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  1. NaDell says

    August 19, 2015 at 6:00 am

    It's easy enough to say no and just a few people end up helping, but it's SO much easier if many people would just take on one event/project for the year (and even have a committee to share the load). I don't think agreeing to one thing will hurt, even though life is busy. It always will be and it's okay/good to help at the school.

    Reply
    • Sarah says

      August 20, 2015 at 12:37 am

      I understand NaDell-it does seem that there are a handful of parents sometimes who get caught up in doing everything and it's easy when you are that parent to get resentful of those who do nothing. Life is busy, but there are years that are definitely more busy than ever, and years where it is much more difficult to get away from home. It seems like there is almost always a way to do a little something, like send in the snack for a party etc. I think it's important to pick and choose what works best for your family each year. Committees equal meetings, I have found, and that gets much more cumbersome.

      Reply
    • Sara says

      August 21, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      Nadell, i have 4 children myself 6,5,3,1 and i was room mom, helped with softball team, involved in church responsibilities, serve others, provide items that teachers request. Yes sometime activities get thrown on a few people while others dont do everything. I dont know what your dynamics of your family are but trying to help on the classrom or do after school functions with all four by my side (or crawling all over me) my husband travels and it is impossible to do it all. I love love love this article and she hit the nail on the head, there is a season in life that i cannot give to school functions without my family suffering.

      Reply
  2. Kristin says

    August 19, 2015 at 6:27 am

    I love this post! It rings true with me as a mom of 4, 9 and under! It is EXACTLY how I feel and how I operate and it feels great to know I am not the only one who thinks this way!

    Reply
  3. luvnmy10 says

    August 19, 2015 at 10:58 am

    As my little caboose, 8 years behind 9 older siblings, begins first grade, I needed this reminder. I thought surely at this point I "can do it all". But now I have the opportunity to tend to my aging mother in law as she lives with us. My "all" is invisible to the outside world, but very full at home. So I'm passing those sign ups right on to the next mom or dad in line! Thanks, Sarah.

    Reply
  4. Sarah says

    August 19, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    Today is our first school day and this couldn't have come at a better time. I'll have a 3rd, 2nd, 1st, kinder, and peschooler this year- school is definitely an adventure all its own! (let's all revisit this at Christmastime when the sign ups start flying faster than I can catch a breath!)

    Reply
  5. Laura says

    August 19, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    Wow, thank you! I have a 3rd grader and a kindergartener who just started yesterday, and a little one due any day. I purposely didn't sign up for anything yet, knowing it would be a hassle, and I did have some guilt!

    Reply
  6. Unknown says

    August 19, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    I actually read this in your archives a couple weeks ago whenI need some inspiration. I have 4 kids with 3 in school and was trying to figure out how much I wanted to undertake this year while feeling involved but not overwhelmed. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves by thinking we have to sign up for everything to be a good parent when in reality for ME too much makes me too stressed and frazzled and that does the opposite effect on my parenting skills:) It is all about finding what is best for you!

    Reply
  7. hbloren says

    August 20, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    I think what's important is to know your limits. Some people really thrive on doing lots of things. I am not one of those people. I love volunteering in my younger kids' classes-but I won't do PTA type of stuff: too many meetings, and "stuff". I am happy to send in snacks, project supplies and go on the occasional field trip. Soon enough your kids are in middle school and they don't want to see you at their school!

    Reply
    • Christy Killoran says

      August 21, 2015 at 1:31 am

      I am the same way.

      Reply
  8. Rose Jorgensen says

    August 20, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    …and this is exactly why I was never too involved with participating in a lot of activities when my daughters were in elementary school especially when Noah was a baby (he's five now), and signing up for pta, classroom help, bringing treats to the art shows, etc. because I had family, my health, and sanity as a priority. With no immediate family close by to help there was no one to rely on except members from my church, and even that was sometimes hard because most of the moms had 2-3 kids as well! Now that Noah is in kindergarten, (and my last baby to go to school, tear) I will make the time for those things because I'll actually have, and make time. Regardless I will help when I can without getting overwhelmed. It's not a contest, and I personally have never, ever tried to up with other moms! Don't have time to worry about that. Maybe it's because how I was raised, and how my mother was…humble. Just ridiculous if you ask me! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  9. Erin says

    September 5, 2015 at 5:57 am

    Love this post Sarah and I couldn't agree more! I was just thinking about this same thing when I was signing up to help in Kole's class this year. How now is a season in my life when I finally have time to be more involved at school. When the girls were little and Kole was a baby I volunteered, but it often left me exhausted and overwhelmed. There really are times when you can give more and times when it's in everyone's best interest that you cut back. xo

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
๐Ÿƒ
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
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A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
๐Ÿƒ
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
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Clip on bed lights save space. 
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A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
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When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
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All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
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When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
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More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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