Technology
I have been asked quite a few times on how I deal with technology in the home with teens.
I have learned the hard way when it comes to tech rules. The hard way being experience, and I have quite frequently felt “behind the ball” so to speak. I’ve heard all sorts of different family rules/contracts (here is a great contract and here is another great set of rules from a blog whose author I admire greatly) and one that gave me much food for thought. I’ve even read some books on the subject and I’ve come to the conclusion that no one really has all the answers and many of us parents are struggling with what to allow and what not to allow.
Technology usage ways heavily on my conscience and I know that excessive technology does change children’s developing brains. Beyond that, I think it hurts families, and relationships. I think technology use is OUT OF CONTROL. I think much of the technology marketed to children and teens is very addicting and purposely meant to be so. I think too much (which is just a little bit) numbs the brain. There are many studies on this, but they are often buried in the media, or brushed off.
Jeff and I decided that we will not have fancy rules, or rules that are confusing, or rules that are different for this child or that, or rules that require timers or reward systems. (I usually fail miserably at those!)
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These are our family tech rules now.
Some were our rules always, some were enacted quite recently.
They have developed over the years and will continue to develop as we have become more knowledgeable, and as technology has changed also.
=All technology only allowed in kitchen, dining room, and den. (The den is where the one computer we have is located.)
This rule eliminates so many issues in one fell swoop. You can’t lounge on a sofa for hours scrolling through mindless crap,when someone might be trying to have a conversation with you. You can’t sit up late into the night in a bedroom texting to the wee hours of the morning. Your parents and siblings are around. We get to SEE you and TALK to you.
Of course the three oldest that have phones, bring their phones with them when going out. But when they are at home, phones must stay in those areas.
Cell Phones
Right now (and this might change eventually), in eighth grade my kids receive a cell phone without internet for their graduation gift, all the way through high school and then at eighteen years old they receive a ‘smart phone’ if they wish for their birthday if they have reliable employment (they have to pay the $40 month extra it costs us.)
No locking codes on any personal devices ever. If necessary for school (the high schools require that the kids lock them) we need to know the code.
Messages are not erased. If you are under 18, we will and do read them occasionally. If someone sends a message that they don’t think we will like, tell them “my parents read my messages” and that will shut it down quickly.*
No cell phone usage during school hours unless emergencies. (The schools my kids go to don’t allow phones anywhere but lockers, but at the high school level, they aren’t great about enforcing this rule.)
Computers and Ipads
Presently, we have ONE main computer in the house. (We do own a laptop but it’s so old and broken it takes 20 minutes to start up and no one uses it except for the very occasional ITunes download-it’s kept in a drawer.We also own two Ipads for our two oldest, more on that below, that the schools require.)
Our one main computer is for school use only unless permission is asked for some other use.
The computer has a code that Jeff and I (and the oldest kids) know. Also, I changed the settings on the computer so when I press the power button after use, the computer “sleeps” which means to start it up again, you would need the code. It also has a program called K9 Web protection on it.
My two oldest children were given (not given-we were forced to buy) Ipads in high school. A learning curve for us for sure, one I didn’t ask for and don’t want. Things will be different for my younger kids coming up, once again, as I have found what works for us and what rules need to be in place. Since the Ipad is for the purpose of school, it would make a lot of sense for it to be used for school only. I wish the schools would support this, but unfortunately they don’t. I have seen the schools scrambling, behind the ball, to put rules in place as they are bombarded with serious issues. I can tell you that for the tiny benefit that IPad has (and I can argue against even the tiniest benefit), the problems it has caused in families, and in classrooms, and most especially with children’s brains, far far outweigh any little convenience or new educational opportunity.
Apple’s marketing program is genius, if profit (it is, don’t be fooled) is the goal-pitting schools against one another to attract students with the ‘if you go here you get a ‘free’ Ipad’ lure. No financial loss to the school, because they force parents to foot the bill. In the public system, it works the same way, but the taxpayer is footing the bill so kids can play Candy Crush during history class, and waste hours on Instagram instead of writing their paper, or send Snapchats without the teacher having a clue. The convenience for teachers is small, because I think they now must spend time monitoring students usage while lecturing, and often just give up with the excuse “they have to learn good habits themselves, I’m not in charge of that”. I understand this-classrooms are busy enough these days without having to constantly police small tech devices. And finally, I don’t think a kid in this country needs more screen time! I think school is sometimes the only break many kids get to listen, to socialize, to think and process with their brains. I hope one day schools give up on this ridiculousness, but I have a feeling that might be a pipe dream.
A few more notes:
*There is also a huge learning curve when it comes to social media for kids AND their parents. How to unfriend someone on Facebook, how to stop too much texting, or inappropriate texts from friends. I have found that we parents need to help give them ideas of how to get out of sticky situations. What sort of photos posted on Instagram convey the right message? They need to know these things before they are given the device. Talk, look, talk and look some more.
I almost never let the younger kids (grade school on down) use the older kids Ipads or Jeff’s Iphone (almost never means maybe for a scoreboard app or to check the weather for me)-they still only have access to the one family computer. And they are rarely allowed to use it.
Social media: mostly, we have learned to either friend or follow our kids, or have access to their accounts. As I see fit, I will allow or not allow certain sites, but as I get older and wiser, I get stricter and stricter. I think for the kids coming up into high school, it will be a “pick one” choice to limit time spent and make monitoring easy for us.
We bought Isaac a laptop earlier than high school graduation, but decided from here on, that will be a gift given upon high school graduation or before college begins for the rest of the kids.
One more note: Our oldest is 19 now and a sophomore in college. The house rule about devices in dining room and kitchen apply to him of course, but the other rules (checking messages, no passwords, etc) don’t.
I want to reiterate that this is what works in my family, what we’ve decided upon from mistakes, past experiences, and advice taken from families we admire.
And even with the rules we have, something always crops up that needs to be addressed-kids make mistakes-whether it’s the whopping number of texts sent and received by a certain teenage girl in one month, or angst about feeling left out from Instagram postings, or the amount of time spent on devices. There is nothing, alas, that makes all the issues suddenly vanish. (Besides moving to some far far away land that doesn’t get internet service, but also has cute houses, a white sand beach and a warm ocean, a cook, a cleaning lady, an awesome bookstore…and a big plastic bubble enclosing it all.:)
Extra Help:
How to install K9 Web Protection and a whole house internet filterhere.
I agree with every one of your rules! We follow the same. It is getting harder and harder to find a phone without internet access, even cameras are starting to have internet access. Our kids go to a small faith based school and they finally caved this year to a laptop for every student and I am so heart sick over it. And yes, I went to the leadership with my thoughts. You cannot find evidence (that is not from computer companies) that having laptops in the classroom is of any academic benefit but parents ( particularly the younger ones, sorry) think a laptop/ipad equals some sort of academic advancement. My oldest is a junior in college and 4 of her 5 classes were technology prohibited because professors are tired of competing with the distraction of devices for their students attention. So, Bravo, and glad to know we are not the only "mean" parents on the block!
I so appreciate this post! I have 4 children (oldest is 8) & a very tech-oriented husband. I have been feeling the need to have more ground rules about technology but it's been difficult to know how to start. Thank you!
I will be pinning this post to reference as my child gets older. Right now we have just started letting our oldest (3 yr old boy) "play" on the computer. Of course it's right where we all are and he only play the Disney Junior website games because it's free and it's learning. I am proud that he knows how to use the mouse well and I think it's helping him learn his letters and ask what words are when he sees them on the screen. We set a timer and he knows that if he makes a big fuss when the timer goes off that he loses any computer time for the next day. So far it's working but your post has opened my eyes to the whole future technology world that we will face with our children. Thank you so much for your thoughts!
I do not have a job outside of my home, but if I did, I swear my perfect position would be to go into schools and be a technology rule enforcer. My oldest (high school senior) had an issue with his phone usage in class. Email conversations with his teacher became ridiculous- the last one included me me cutting and pasting the portion of the school handbook where it states that a phone should remain in the locker and if it's seen it will be confiscated. I was told that she could not possibly be expected to take a students property. What?! Is that not their rule? I find it near impossible to teach thekids to follow school rules when the own school doesn't follow them. The solution to the issue was us forcing him to leave the phone at home. I was fine with the solution as the benefit was far better than the drawbacks, but again, that made US the enemy. If I could do anything I would fast forward 75yrs to see the ramifications that all of this constant techology exposure has had on this generation of kids. They find it so hard to function normally anymore and oh how that scares me.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post! I have been looking for advice on this subject lately! I do have a question. as far as the kids not being allowed to delete texts, is there a way to chek if any have been deleted? I thought once deleted we would have no way of knowing that they were ever there. Is it just something where you have to trust that they are not deleting anything bad?
Also, do any of your kids have ipods? My younger kids want them for music but I really hesitate because they can do so much more!
I had that same issue with my daughter, Amy. There are actually a number of very simple MP3 players on the market by companies like Sansa and Sony that are very basic and ONLY play music. I got my daughter one of those, specifically a Sansa SanDisk player, and they are easier to work with than ipods because you don't have to have certain software to put music on them. You can just use the music player on your computer. They are also MUCH cheaper and often are able to have extra memory added so that they grow with your kid.
You could get a nano or a shuffle. Nanos will play music videos (I think) but shuffles won't do anything but music, and have very limited memory so there's not thousands of songs to choose from
Thanks Southern Nightengale and LJ! I actually meant to ask about the ipod touch, which I'm glad Sarah ended up addressing in the next post. I really regret buying one for my oldest and now many classmates of my 3rd grader has one! It is good that there are options for music only that you listed.
Thanks Southern Nightengale and LJ! I actually meant to ask about the ipod touch, which I'm glad Sarah ended up addressing in the next post. I really regret buying one for my oldest and now many classmates of my 3rd grader has one! It is good that there are options for music only that you listed.
THANK YOU! I was so excited when I read the title of your post 😉 I TRULY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR ADVICE!!
Thank you for sharing your rules with us. It really helped me get some good ideas! I think most moms battle with this daily dilemma. We are all the first generation of parents dealing with these issues and we won't really know the outcome of our choices for many years. I loved your insights about technology in schools, as well. Thank you for sharing!
My son turning 11 in a few weeks asked for an ipod. I'm like you – I've learned the hard way. I told him – Sorry, I've learned my lesson. I won't be buying you one. One of my biggest regrets is letting technology into the house way too soon with my older kids. 🙁
Sorry…I just have to comment again because I am so excited about your post and just reread it.
Your advice is wonderful! And it is so hard with your first child as parents are not sure what will work and what won't. We bought our older two ipod touches for Christmas (because it sure does seem that ALL junior high kids have phones and we felt bad they didn't have anything) and it was a disaster. They have been put away since March but with some of your rule advice we may revisit them sometime in the future.
We were at a piano recital yesterday. Which was of course long and boring for the little ones (and the big ones!). I counted at least ten children playing on their parents (or their own) phones while at the recital. This just blows my mind. When did it get so bad that children couldn't sit and listen and be bored for awhile??? They really don't need to be constantly entertained. My husband, who is a 5th grade teacher, thinks that technology is causing SOO many problems with attention as children just aren't content to do basic things or to do nothing because they need to be entertained with graphics and screens.
Thanks again for all your advice. I e-mailed it immediately to my husband and we will discuss our plans with technology this week…which is becoming so much more difficult as our oldest is finishing up 8th grade. Things were so much easier when they were all little weren't they?
Sorry, I'm back also. I just have another question. How do you handle when they have friends over. Our kids friends always have either an ipod or phone (w/ internet access) with them. Are they off in their bedrooms using the friends devices? Like you, I have so many issues and concerns with technology…..
THANK YOU! I just emailed this to my husband. This is what I have been searching for and makes perfect sense. Our kids are only 4,2,1 and one on the way but we are quite intentional and are already tentatively looking at how we are going to deal with these issues in future. I have felt the same way as you and wanted what you have done but didn't know how to word it to my hubby. Now I can with your post! Thanks.
Thank you for the great advice. I almost feel like I now have "permission" to be more strict about computer use. I have a 9-year-old who always wants to get on the computer to look at Lego videos, ebay (! for Lego mini figures), but especially Minecraft and he could spend way too much time on there if I let him! He says "every other kid" gets to do this or that.
Wanted to make sure I understood, do you let your 10-year-old get on the computer in the dining room for school use only? And every once in a while for something else if he asks permission? And do you limit it to only weekends for a certain time limit? I am struggling with this issue and want to thank you for giving wise guidance!
Thanks for sharing what works for your family! Our rules are a little bit different, but I love to hear how other families deal with technology.
I mostly wanted to agree with you about technology in the classroom. It drives absolutely bonkers that there is an unchallenged assumption that more tech=better learning. I really do not believe that my kids will learn better if they have an iPad or a smart board or a computer in the classroom. I think it's a lazy way for schools and teachers to feel like they are making progress without actually measuring the affects. Then public schools are constantly complaining that they don't have enough money to pay our teachers better. Here's an idea: stop paying Apple to upgrade the iPads and redirect that money to teacher salaries. Drives me crazy.
for concerned parents out there K9 web filtering is an amazing tool. I have no affiliation. We use it in our home to protect against pornography. Very user friendly.
My favorite part about this post is that it empowers parents to decide what will and won't be allowed in their home. I think we always need the reminder that we control technology, technology doesn't control us. Let's keep it that way!
Thank you for this post. There is always inspiration on Clover Lane! 🙂
Thank you so much! I love this! I'm so grateful for your example and all you share.
I am a huge fan of your parenting rules. We are made out of the same cloth. I have very similar rules and agree with you completely. Technology, such a double edged sword.
Your thoughts and rules on technology in your home are refreshing. Thank you.
Oh my, my kids are little so this really opened my eyes. When we were younger there was only TV on the weekends (still limited) and when I got older a computer in the living room. We had talked about only a computer in the living area but hadnt thought about most of the other stuff. A cell phone earlier then grade 8 seems crazy to me.
I love hearing how other families stand against the prevailing culture to do what they think is best for their family. But you probably already know how I feel ;-). Blessings as you continue to be courageous parents!
I am so glad you did a post on technology!! We have very similar rules in our house. We have one computer that is only used for school work. My kids 9 and 11 are not allowed to play on it ever. We just never started out playing on the computer so they never ask. We have a Wii with only sports games that can be used on weekend mornings before 9:00 am (kids usually get up about 8) if we do not need to be somewhere for a sporting event around that time. We have two Nintendo ds that are allowed to be used on car trips in excess of two hours. Often they will choose not to use them and read. It is all the rage to have an Ipod touch and I am continually told that they are the only ones that don't have one (and truthfully they basically are) but I have no intention of giving my kids a device with anytime access to the internet so they will have to continue to be the only ones. I strongly believe that kids are being sedated by technology because parents are too busy to properly parent. Thank you so much for sharing this today. I so value all of your wonderful common sense advice 🙂
I actually feel sick after reading that! My oldest is 11 and he is complaining about wanting an iPod touch. The answer is no, no, and no. We don't own video game systems, though they were played on my phone until it got to be too much and that is no longer an option. We had talked about a family cell phone for sixth grade if needed to call for sport pick ups, but after your post I'm rethinking that. I was under the delusion that he'd get too old for video games and that would be the end of it. I'm now realizing this is going to continue to evolve and get worse:(
I would love to hear how your family "does" (or "doesn't do") TV. I have 3 and 4 year old girls and I try to limit their time in front of the TV, but then there are just so many hours in the day to fill!! (excuses, excuses!). I'd love to hear how you deal with TV/movie watching, especially for your younger ones….
It was interesting this past weekend as I was working at our first Freshman orientation session for the upcoming school year. During our academic advising session a student who has been admitted in our college's honors program looked at me and asked, "How do you spell Psychology?". The look on my face must have said it all, which I felt guilty for later on. It was just so shocking to have an incoming honors student ask me how to spell a word that is pretty simple in my opinion. She then said oh sorry I guess I just depend on spell check so much that I just forgot how to spell. That to me was such a slap in the face of how technology has taken over the simplest of tasks. Now it isn't employers looking for top graduates with high GPA's. It those students who can write a proper memo and have all the words spelled correctly. So I have seen in higher education the effects how technology is shaping incoming students. Granted I grew up in a house that always had a computer and that was not the norm in the late 80's early 90's. My mom worked for Hewlett Packard so we had a very old computer she was able to buy from work to use. Nothing like today's computers. We don't even have kids yet, but there will be rules especially when we see our nieces and nephews demanding our smart phones and wanting to play games. To be honest, we have implemented a rule that when my husband and I are both home our smart phones go away and laptops only come out if someone is watching tv. Even though with my husband gone so much while working for the fire department the last thing I want to do with little time we get together is to watch tv… Jill
Great rules Sarah. We have some similar and some different in our house. Our house is small, so they can't really wonder far off anyway. My 13 year old often has his cell phone in his pocket (even at home.) After reading this today I'm going to have a rule about that. When you come home from school it goes on the counter. Only my oldest has a smart phone. We did that this year as a Sophomore. My other 2 don't have internet or group texts. NO SOCIAL MEDIA in our house for the kids. However, I realize that this is going to be a big issue for my 5th grade daughter…Yes, I said 5th grade. Many of her friends have instagram already. Social media doesn't seem to be a big deal for my boys. We too are constantly regrouping, and rethinking rules. We have one main computer that is only for school, and some sporting highlights since we don't have cable. It's such a balance, and always a battle trying not to get sucked in….even as a parent. GREAT post.
Also, our TV is only on for my 2 year old to watch "The Little Engine That Could" when I need to cook dinner, or for a family movie on the weekends.
We've really tried to limit how much screen and technology time our kids have. My 12 year old son has been trying to guilt trip us into getting him a smart phone since he was 8 and in 3rd grade (at which I didn't even have a smart phone!). He kept saying he was "the only one" in his class who didn't have one. I hope that was an exaggeration (fyi, he still doesn't have a phone) :), but I know many young people have cell phones with little to no boundaries on their use. I also agree about the ipads in schools. I actually just heard today (on one of those Accent Health tvs in the waiting room at the pediatrician's office) that people comprehend and retain more when reading from a printed page vs. a screen. I wonder what the schools would say about that? Sometimes it seems like there's a race to just have the newest thing without much consideration for if it's really necessary or beneficial, which is really frustrating. I also recently read an article that preschool teachers are concerned about how children are developing because they have poor fine motor skills, but they can swipe an ipad screen. It's sad.
I don't have kids yet, but found this post so helpful! Technology is hard to escape these days, but your rules are exactly what children need, boundaries. Thank you for the advice; I plan to reference it in the future!
My oldest kids are 8, and I have given lots of thought to this as I know in the next 2-3 years we will be hearing the "can I have a cell phone" request. Thank you for this post, it has given me lots to think about! PS I love your blog and your parenting style.
You are so right Sarah. I was so excited when I purchased an Xbox for my son but wow was that a mistake. It definitely takes away family time and that connection. Taking away is much harder like you added. Great advice…
thank you sarah, loved this post!
Great post! I too would love to know how you limit T.V. time. Do you allow you children any television during the week? Thank you again for all of your wonderful parenting perspectives.
Amen about the iPads at school. I think it is so stupid. I would much rather my child have a book or just a fabulous teacher than an iPad. It adds absolutely NO VALUE to her intellectual, creative or spiritual development.
I appreciate this post overall, as I feel we struggle against the same very strong current of overwhelming technology that you are battling. And my oldest is only 8… I have no clue what I am up against, do I? 🙂
This is a wonderful post! We have similar rules for our children. They don't always agree with us but that's OK. Thanks for sharing!
Awesome info thank you! I wonder what your rules are for your kids at their friend's home? I find that hard to enforce! Also, what are your music purchase rules/iTunes rules? Do you " review" all the songs and lyrics before they are allowed to purchase? And as a follow up can they only listen to their music on their phone/ipodtouch in those same areas of your home? ( DR/FR?)! My 12.5 yo son has an iPod touch that we recently allowed him to begin texting on… The intention was to be in more regular contact with all out of state family/ send pics, etc… Well that quickly turned into texting friends -anyone and everyone he could! The group texting has become a huge issue! You can't control what others send/write/" say". My kids all attend a private Catholic school with very strict technology rules. But it seems many of the kids go home and " anything goes"…. Our sn receives texts regularly after 10:30pm and a few from one boy in particular at 1am this weekend!!!! The iPod comes to us at 8pm ( strictly enforced) but I think we are going the route of downstairs only at this point ( common area w/us around I mean) but I still don't know how to handle the group texting. He regularly tells his friends that we read their texts and he has asked them to remove him from any lists/group messaging but they still fly in…. Ugh! Any more advice? Sorry for the long post! Thank you!!!!
Thank you SO much for this. We are on the very strict side of technology rules and other grown-ups are always saying my kids will miss out on learning vital skills. But they seem to manage fine when groups get together and they are given a go on an Ipad! so I have no plans to change them anytime soon.
We are in the UK and my eldest changes to secondary school in the Autumn. He will need a phone as he's got to travel to school about 5miles by train and will need to contact me if his travel plans go awry. He knows he's getting a basic one without the internet and we've already had conversations (sad when he's only just 11) about cyber bulling and never sending a text that he wouldn't want anyone to keep. His new school have said all new pupils this year must come with a Chromebook or equivalent. Like you I'm not that happy about this and I hope the school have thought it through sufficiently…
I am quite a heavy user of social media but he already isn't bothered about having a Facebook account when he's 13, he knows the downsides to it. We have a desktop computer and a home laptop and that's it. We don't even have wifi at home because I believe it isn't that healthy for the development of children's brains.
That said, I believe technology can be a great gift but we must teach our children to use it responsibly.
This post! It's like one awesome battle cry against the vacuum of too much technology. I love your fortitude, Sarah. This is my favorite quote: "Basically, we parents must grow a back bone. A strong one. Kids need (they crave!) rules and guidelines, they need a leader in the home."
In defense of public school teachers….often times, we as the classroom teacher have no say at all in the tech policies at our schools. Those decisions are made by higher ups and school board members who are trying to keep up with neighboring schools. My district is putting Chrome Books in the hands of all students grades 6-12 next year. While true that I can still determine what happens in my classroom- technology usage in the classroom is now part of my evaluation. So even though I get to run my classroom as I see fit; I really don't. I am a firm believer in paper and pencil math but now I will spend my time trying to figure out how to teach the quadratic formula on a Chrome Book.
This is so true. My husband had been asked repeatedly year after year if he would like a Smart Board but he has always declined as he would rather have that $1000+ spent on books or other materials (of course he didn't get this money to spend on books!). This past year he showed up at school and had a Smart Board. The principal likes to state that all classrooms have a Smart Board…and unfortunately they are still low on books 🙁 VERY big push by administration for technology…despite complaints from teachers who see how too much of it is negatively impacting students.
I agree also! I wonder what the real ratio is of teachers who want the Ipads/laptops and the teachers that don't. The ones that I've asked have said no thanks, don't want the hassle, don't see the need or benefit.
This is spot on. All of it. I have no end of frustration with schools mentality about this. Are they that dense?
My kids have zero devices (the oldest is just 12) but as I don't have a cell phone it is unlikely they will be getting one before they leave home and can pay for it themselves. Now you've ruined my day though because I need to figure out how to put the password on while the computer sleeps. If I turn my back or work outside, these kids are on the desktop instantly. Finally, I think us parents need to be role models. We set the tone, desire, need. If we are plugged in a lot, we send a powerful message to kids.
Sorry to comment twice. I read recently this: It's fine and good to take the bad and negative things out of kids lives whether it be terrible movies, ugly video games, x-rated music, technology abuse, etc. But that is only one step and it will have no effect unless we more importantly, fill their lives with the good and beautiful; books, music, movies, games, outdoors, family-time, and so much more. Fill up with beauty and the ugly will have less of a draw. Kids long to see the world, what will we put in front of them?
Gosh Sarah, you always have impeccable timing! I have been wanting to email you about your rules on technology and how y'all handle it. Thank you for this- fantastic ideas that will hopefully help us as well. Thank you!
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My daughter's still a toddler, but we've already noticed tech things we're not comfortable with. One big thing to me when picking a daycare was one that has no tv. I don't like when kids come home from daycare & it sounds like they've just watched Dora all day. Yes, being bilingual would be nice, but I don't want her to learn from watching TV. We've also realized that we only get 2-3 waking hours with her each evening before bedtime. We prefer to use that time to play, eat dinner, have "dance parties" rather than watch tv.
It hasn't come up yet, but I really appreciate your ideas on phones/tech only in the common rooms. How do you tell if one of the kids has deleted text messages?
Great post and timely too! Andrea, I agree and needed to be reminded about filling their lives with the good things to edge out the bad. Thank you.
I enjoyed your post. I too, have strict rules at home. However, I'm also making sure that I am explaining my child why the rules are strict when it comes to technology. I have seen plenty of people out there who just tell their children they can't have or do something without an explanation. I know this often turns into a negative thing. The child gets frustrated and looks for the opportunity to access the "fun" stuff elsewhere. Often falling into the wrong hands.
My 10 year old daughter already hears conversations about sex and porn from her classmates. I'm making sure I'm jumping on the wagon and giving her the information myself. The sad truth is… the world is being contaminated with all sorts of evil crap. Things that young children are not mature to understand, yet they are being forced to deal with it. I live in a State where religion is predominant and often times, parents are not willing to discuss sex and pornography with their children. Mainly because they think they need to be graphic when discussing it, which is not the case.
I think the technology in common areas of the house is brilliant. As always, you know your parenting stuff. 😛
Sarah, my sister & I just had a conversation about this as her children are younger than mine. I was feeling guilty because I do read my 16 yo's text messages. I would love to know how you can find out if they deleted them. She's now dating & we're having a hard time enforcing the rules we have about 9pm being the cut-off for texts. 🙁 I am assuming you've been through this with Abbey & would love your advice. This is new territory for us.
As for the previous questioner's tv questions, I do have some advice: don't open that door. I did not even have my girls watch any tv. I think once it's open to dvd's or whatever, it's very difficult to say 'no'. I obviously have older children, so maybe have old-fashioned advice, but I knew I wouldn't be able to put up with too many requests to watch this show or this dvd, so just said no to it all. Now that they're older, I realize this gave them valuable time to read & explore. There are only so many hours in the day & I just didn't think I wanted tv to be the central thing in our home.
I'm guessing she goes through the phone bill??? Like if they have 100 texts on the bill, there should still be 100 in the phone???