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Home ยป Blog ยป For Struggles

For Struggles

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane

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Lately I’ve received quite a few heart wrenching emails about miscarriage and/or infertility-readers and friends knowing that I’ve walked that road myself, have asked for advice or just reached out to talk.  When I look back at the last twelve years of my life, one of the foremost struggles in my life has been trying to figure out what was “wrong” with my body-why it would reject so many pregnancies-a diagnosis of ‘unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss’ was given to me. I will never have anything more than just that diagnosis, but somehow knowing that in definite form felt like an answer in itself.

I can’t help someone who is battling with the same issues have a baby, or promise them it won’t be a long road with more pain, or that bad things will never happen again, or that they will have answers. But I can tell them that hope is what picked me up each time, and that the sorrow for certain made me feel that much more joy in the end.  I have learned to never ever take a pregnancy for granted, or a baby in my arms for granted also.

I think this hardship and all the hurdles I’ve had in my lifetime have helped me grow so much-heck they’re not easy, and I can’t say I’d hand them to myself on a silver platter again and again, but in the end it’s all been a gift and I am grateful for that gift.  A gift of growth, whether it’s that sweeter joy rising from the pain and sorrow, or the ability to help others and bring them hope and knowledge, or dealing and healing the feelings of envy and bitterness and anger, or most of all gaining a deep empathy and understanding for women walking the same path, has led me to believe that struggle is really the treasure chest of life and some of the most beautiful rewards are hidden inside.

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November 25, 2013 ยท 9 Comments

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  1. Jeanneke says

    November 25, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    Amen.
    Thank you so much for these true words. Beautifully 'spoken'.
    Sending blessings,

    Jeanneke.

    Reply
  2. Ms.JayQue says

    November 25, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Thanks Sarah. As someone struggling with infertility for the last 4 years, I know very well those feelings of anger, sadness and bitterness. However I too an trying to be hopeful and to see the lessons in all of this.

    Reply
  3. Unknown says

    November 25, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    Thank you for this Sarah! As someone who is a mother of two but has been dealing with secondary infertility for seven years and also the tragedy of having a stillborn baby two years ago I have felt all of those emotions. However, I don't know if I would be the mother I am today without these struggles. I am also so grateful for my kids and every precious moment with them. It is hard to keep positive and keep at it but I know we will finally get our happy ending and it will be worth all of the struggles we have been through. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

    Reply
  4. Natalie says

    November 25, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    Such a beautiful post. I am pregnant with my third right now after a two year struggle to get and stay pregnant. I already have two girls so when people assume I'm hoping for a boy, I honestly tell them that I'm just so grateful to be having another baby at all. Through all the hard times and devastating losses, I had almost finally come to terms with it all and thought maybe we would not have any more children. You are so right that it has taught me so many lessons about myself and appreciating what we have, but I still do not wish that pain on anyone else.

    Reply
  5. Tiffany says

    November 25, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    I didn't know that you had dealt with infertility. I knew about the miscarriages but not the infertility. Was Janey conceived with medical help? I'm going through that right now and would love to hear your story.

    Reply
  6. Ashley says

    November 26, 2013 at 1:53 am

    Something we can share to our Catholic and non – Catholic sisters is NaPro Technology. It works to heal the root cause of the infertility, in both men and women. It is a hidden gem of our faith.

    Reply
  7. Your Southern Peach says

    November 26, 2013 at 4:44 am

    Wow…I could not have said this any better. Just experienced #3 last month and each time I grow a little more as an individual and a mom despite the heartache. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.

    Reply
  8. Still Reviewing says

    November 26, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    What a wonderful post. You have so much wisdom in all of your years of mothering and love and loss. Thank you for sharing your life lessons.

    Faith

    Reply
  9. Shayla Taylor says

    August 18, 2015 at 8:33 am

    Today marks two years of trying for another little love to join our family. As it is late and I have prayed this evening as much as I could, I decided to search your blog. I found solace in this post. Thank you for being a late night friend, giving advice and comfort that was needed. I hope you have a great week.

    Reply

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Welcome!

Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
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As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
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A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
๐Ÿƒ
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
๐Ÿƒ
Clip on bed lights save space. 
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A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
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When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
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All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
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When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
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More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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