Lately I’ve received quite a few heart wrenching emails about miscarriage and/or infertility-readers and friends knowing that I’ve walked that road myself, have asked for advice or just reached out to talk. When I look back at the last twelve years of my life, one of the foremost struggles in my life has been trying to figure out what was “wrong” with my body-why it would reject so many pregnancies-a diagnosis of ‘unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss’ was given to me. I will never have anything more than just that diagnosis, but somehow knowing that in definite form felt like an answer in itself.
I can’t help someone who is battling with the same issues have a baby, or promise them it won’t be a long road with more pain, or that bad things will never happen again, or that they will have answers. But I can tell them that hope is what picked me up each time, and that the sorrow for certain made me feel that much more joy in the end. I have learned to never ever take a pregnancy for granted, or a baby in my arms for granted also.
I think this hardship and all the hurdles I’ve had in my lifetime have helped me grow so much-heck they’re not easy, and I can’t say I’d hand them to myself on a silver platter again and again, but in the end it’s all been a gift and I am grateful for that gift. A gift of growth, whether it’s that sweeter joy rising from the pain and sorrow, or the ability to help others and bring them hope and knowledge, or dealing and healing the feelings of envy and bitterness and anger, or most of all gaining a deep empathy and understanding for women walking the same path, has led me to believe that struggle is really the treasure chest of life and some of the most beautiful rewards are hidden inside.
Amen.
Thank you so much for these true words. Beautifully 'spoken'.
Sending blessings,
Jeanneke.
Thanks Sarah. As someone struggling with infertility for the last 4 years, I know very well those feelings of anger, sadness and bitterness. However I too an trying to be hopeful and to see the lessons in all of this.
Thank you for this Sarah! As someone who is a mother of two but has been dealing with secondary infertility for seven years and also the tragedy of having a stillborn baby two years ago I have felt all of those emotions. However, I don't know if I would be the mother I am today without these struggles. I am also so grateful for my kids and every precious moment with them. It is hard to keep positive and keep at it but I know we will finally get our happy ending and it will be worth all of the struggles we have been through. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Such a beautiful post. I am pregnant with my third right now after a two year struggle to get and stay pregnant. I already have two girls so when people assume I'm hoping for a boy, I honestly tell them that I'm just so grateful to be having another baby at all. Through all the hard times and devastating losses, I had almost finally come to terms with it all and thought maybe we would not have any more children. You are so right that it has taught me so many lessons about myself and appreciating what we have, but I still do not wish that pain on anyone else.
I didn't know that you had dealt with infertility. I knew about the miscarriages but not the infertility. Was Janey conceived with medical help? I'm going through that right now and would love to hear your story.
Something we can share to our Catholic and non – Catholic sisters is NaPro Technology. It works to heal the root cause of the infertility, in both men and women. It is a hidden gem of our faith.
Wow…I could not have said this any better. Just experienced #3 last month and each time I grow a little more as an individual and a mom despite the heartache. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.
What a wonderful post. You have so much wisdom in all of your years of mothering and love and loss. Thank you for sharing your life lessons.
Faith
Today marks two years of trying for another little love to join our family. As it is late and I have prayed this evening as much as I could, I decided to search your blog. I found solace in this post. Thank you for being a late night friend, giving advice and comfort that was needed. I hope you have a great week.