I found this picture the other day-I had posted it back in 2008. I remember this night and it seems like yesterday but it was four whole years ago. It was a rare warm November evening and we all went out and played for one last hoorah before the cold winter air came in for the season.
I don’t know if I really knew that time would fly so quickly-Isaac is now in college, Abbey is so much older today than she is in this photo-those years from 12-16 are just huge, and Matt and Andrew just seem so young. And look at my baby Patrick. Now he is no longer a baby, and we have little baby Janey who was just a little star in the heavens at the time of this photo.
This always makes me cry-this feeling like time if just flying faster than I can keep up with it. I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way-I have six beautiful happy healthy growing children-children are supposed to grow up to be adults-it’s not like I didn’t know that. But it is so bittersweet to me. And in four years when I look at a photo of all of us from this year, I am sure I will feel the same way. It tightens my chest up-I want to bawl. Am I crazy? Do other mothers feel this way? I just want the years to go on and on like the way they are forever. Just our family, here, under my roof. And in some ways it’s worse than ever with my baby Janey. Will this be the last time I fish tiny socks out of the dryer? The last time I buy little diapers or Johnsons baby shampoo or little onesies? I want to hold on to everything forever. I want the days to go slower, I want the years to go slower, I want to never ever wish one day away, unappreciated, or waste an inkling of time being the mother I want to be to my family.