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Home ยป Blog ยป Keeping Pace

Keeping Pace

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane

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The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity.  The pace has been way too fast for me.   I have been beating myself up thinking, “What a joke, I write about slowing down on my blog and here I am running full might into every day, trying hard just to keep up.”

But the truth is, no matter how I want my ideal life to look, some days, some weeks, some months, and yes, even years, require us to move at a faster rate than we’d like.  Here we have had two sports in full swing with nightly practices and long weekend competitions. College hunting, testing, and applications required lots of work for us-for Isaac especially, but we logged hours and hours in the car, and there were so many tight deadlines that we had to work together to keep each other straight.  Required school meetings, necessary appointments-just little mandatory obligations that seemed to all hit at the same time, made for only a few blank days on the calendar.

Motherhood requires much of us.  We might go from long, lonely, sometimes boring, sometimes heavenly days that last forever, to days that are so full we can hardly keep up.  Our minds race, our heads spin.  Some choose this hurried pace, but sometimes it’s not always the choices we make-sometimes it just comes with the territory of being a parent.

I ran into a friend the other day and had a chance to catch up.  Her third baby, a little boy, needed extensive surgeries after birth.  This required her to be in a different city from her two little girls and she drove back and forth as much as she could, trying to be the best mother to everyone.  At the same time she and her husband, were in the middle of a move.  Now no one in her right mind would plan for all that to happen at once.  I am sure there were times when she felt torn in different directions.  I am sure there were times when she wondered if she had enough to give.  I am sure there were times when she snapped or when she sobbed.  But I could also tell that now, when things were somewhat settled, she felt enormous relief and was able to look back with some pride at what she, as a mother, was able to endure.  She slowed down, brought her family back together, and reestablished as normal as a life as she possible could after that strong rally.  In fact when I saw her, she had her husband by her side, her two girls next to her, and her baby in the stroller, out for a slow walk to a beautiful park.  She looked tired, but she looked happy also.

Over the years I have learned that the key to regaining my equilibrium when life gives me much to handle all at once is to readjust quickly.  Right now I have an adrenaline rush from the last few weeks, but I know that I need to right myself and my family, pull back and slow down.  I said no recently to some things that required my time in the near future, and as hard as that was, and as bad as I felt, I know that the next few months will require a lot of me here at home.  I don’t want to rush the holidays…those are precious, beautiful times with my family-times that I can’t get back.

I know how I parent the best. It’s not when I am exhausted and frantic, or when my head is full to the brim with dates and deadlines.  It’s not when I feel like I’ll never catch up, or when I feel like I can’t stop to enjoy my children, because I need to prepare for the next hour, the next day, the next week.

I also know that without a deep desire to keep a pace that I feel is best for all of us-a slow, steady, sensible pace-I would be flailing in the wind.  Or more accurately, just swimming along with the current that seems to be the rage…running from here to there, out and about constantly, with no real sense of a home base.  My children don’t thrive in that environment, especially the younger ones.  Children can cope and adjust to just about anything, and learning those skills is required in times that push us.  Like I said, we have to rally sometimes and life is not always predictable.  In the long run though, I want more for my children than just coping and adjusting.   I want peaceful minds, and rested bodies.  I want family time, predictability, and routine in all our lives. I want a quiet joy.

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October 13, 2011 ยท 24 Comments

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  1. Kristin says

    October 13, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Your last statement is so brief, yet so very powerful…"I want quiet joy"…love it and so very, very, true!

    Reply
  2. Monica says

    October 13, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Sarah,

    This is my first time (I think) commenting, but I wanted to let you know that your blog is one of my absolute favorites! Your posts are always so upbeat and encouraging, and really make me stop to appreciate what I have (rather than feeling like I'm not doing enough, like so many other blogs I read). I look forward to reading and am always happy when I see a new post.

    Just wanted to say thank you!! :0)

    Reply
  3. Beth says

    October 13, 2011 at 6:19 am

    I enjoy your blog! So glad I found you! I love your honesty and "realness"! Thanks for the encouragement!

    Reply
  4. Terri Edwards says

    October 13, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Quiet joy. Two of my favorite things in the world ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  5. Erin says

    October 13, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Goosebumps! I totally have goosebumps right now. Quiet joy – what a beautiful phrase. And a beautiful post. You have such a way with words Sarah! This topic needs to be a chapter in your book (you know the one – the best seller I am going to get the first copy of). ๐Ÿ˜‰ You are always so right on when it comes to parenting. Have I told you before that I love you and your blog? Well I do.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    p.s. Mentioned you in my post today. Hope that's ok.

    Reply
  6. Susan says

    October 13, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Sarah, I've been living the same life lately. And your last statement is so very powerful…. I want a quiet joy, too. Thanks!

    Reply
  7. adrienne says

    October 13, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    quiet joy. amen.

    Reply
  8. Richella Parham says

    October 13, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Sarah, I enjoy all your posts, but this one is really awesome. I'm going to pin it on my Pinterest board–I wish every mom could read that last paragraph.

    In the early 20th century Thomas Kelly wrote a little book called A Testament of Devotion. Here's what he says in the last paragraphs of that book. I think you might enjoy this.

    "Much of our acceptance of multitudes of obligations is due to our inability to say No. We calculated that the task had to be done, and we saw no one ready to undertake it. We calculated the need, and then calculated our time, and decided maybe we could squeeze it in somewhere. But the decision was a heady decision, not made within the sanctuary of the soul. When we say Yes or No to calls for service on the basis of heady decisions, we have to give reasons, to ourselves and to others. But when we say Yes or No to calls on the basis of inner guidance and whispered promptings of encouragement from the Center of our life, or in the basis of a lack of any inward "rising" of that Life to encourage us in the call, we have no reason to give, except one–the will of God as we discern it. Then we have begun to live in guidance. And I find He never guides us into an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness. . . .

    "Life from the Center is a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It is amazing. It is triumphant. It is radiant. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time. And it makes our life programs new and overcoming. We need not get frantic. He is at the helm."

    Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

    Reply
  9. Unknown says

    October 13, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Perfectly said Sarah! I am in complete agreement with you! I love your posts as they are full of wisdom! My family functions better in slower paced environment as well. I tend to follow my own rules and guidance for my family rather than what the "joneses" are doing. We try and have down time everyday to create and just "be," but as they get older there is less and less of that as obligations and commitments increase. I do value that we still luckily have family dinner 5 out of the 7 nights (hope that lasts for another couple of years ๐Ÿ˜‰ I will always try and keep that a priority as it really makes a difference and it's a time for us all to be present and focus on each other.

    Reply
  10. Jennie and Adam says

    October 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I was going to say that this post is just what I needed right now in my life, but then I realized that the contents of this post are just what I need all the time as I learn how to mother. Thank you for sharing these beautiful and true thoughts!

    Reply
  11. mholgate says

    October 13, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Sarah, I have been afraid to enter the world of sports and activities with my five children (ages 4-10) because I worry about whether or not I will have the strength to juggle things once we start. I am more of a slower pace person. I think long and hard about what I choose to do with my time. Usually I choose one or two things and do them with all my heart.

    Your post encouraged me. Deep breath…I just might be able to do this!

    Thank you,
    Melissa

    Reply
  12. Elizabeth says

    October 13, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Yes, yes, yes-to every word you wrote. This season of our lives is crazy, literally. I cannot keep up. We didn't choose it, but it is a necessary (and thankfully, temporary) season that we just have to live through. No one in our home is thriving as we keep up with the pace at which things move lately. I find myself becoming very defensive when others seem to criticize. So, thank you (!!!) for reminding me that sometimes things are just that way. And normal will return soon!

    Reply
  13. Simply LKJ says

    October 13, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I can so relate to this post. We have been super busy lately, and not all by choice. I am looking forward to slowing down and taking things in more. I am ready to exhale!

    Reply
  14. Val says

    October 13, 2011 at 8:31 pm

    Sarah,

    My two kids chose not to do fall sports this year (xc & football) and I was disappointed at first (especially about the xc!). But the last 6 weeks have opened my eyes. I had not realized how busy I always am running to practices, games and meets. We have cooked (and eaten) many meals together, played many games, taken walks, having some quiet joy.

    I do look forward to them getting started back up in their winter sports (basketball for both), but will now look forward much more to any "down time" that I get with them. We have all benefited from this slowdown. Thank you for your wonderful words, I read you everyday!!

    Reply
  15. Sandy @ The Scoop on Balance says

    October 13, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Your blog is a breath of fresh air.

    Blessings,
    Sandy

    Reply
  16. Anonymous says

    October 14, 2011 at 12:04 am

    I agree with you 100% – excellent post again! ๐Ÿ™‚ But, I do have a question for you that this post sparked. Maybe it's because I'm young (and clueless), but I feel so much pressure to "socialize". Women need women, my children need to be around other kids (or so everyone tells me), and all I want to do sometimes is spend a whole day at the park without having to rush off to storytime, a playgroup, or any of the other gazillion activities available to me/my children. I like to be alone with my kids, relaxed, but I don't want to deprive them of anything. The problem is I just don't know what they really need (what the long-term effects of my decisions will be). How do you find balance? How have you figured out what works for you? How in the world are you brave enough to say no? Maybe I just need to re-read your post ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  17. chercard says

    October 14, 2011 at 12:25 am

    Carolyn…the best socialization children need when they are young is to be with their Mom. Yes storytime at the library is nice occasionally and a play group at the park here and there is fun, but unlike society tells you children don't NEED all these extracurricular activities. They are perfectly content to play games and read stories and have quite time with Mom. Life is long and there is a lot of time for them to socialize with other children….there is so little time where we are the center of their lives…enjoy every moment you are not depriving them of anything, instead you are giving them everything!

    Reply
  18. Katrina says

    October 14, 2011 at 12:27 am

    As the mom of nine, I totally get what you are saying in this post! Right now we have 5 in soccer, 1 in baseball, 4 in Kung Fu, 3 in piano lessons, and 2 in the Girl Scouts (adding up the numbers, obviously some kids have double activities!) I feel like I'm on an adrenaline rush ALL the time. I long for a peaceful mind, one that isn't planning for the next "event" or trying to figure out how I'm going to be in five or six places at once. I have a very hard time saying "no" – I want my kids to be involved in social activities and sports. I know we need to cut back somewhere in order to slow down…but how do I decide what to cut back on? It's very hard to find balance.

    Katrina
    They All Call Me Mom

    Reply
  19. LizzyP says

    October 14, 2011 at 3:01 am

    Great thoughts, Sarah. We all have to really consider what we need to do and stick to it!

    I just listened to a great talk about time, and this quote caught my attention: "the poor use of time is a close cousin to idleness." It kind of burns to think that frantic busyness (sometimes motivated by social pressure or unrealistic expectations or an inability to focus on specific goals) is akin to being lazy, but I know the principle is the same.

    Reply
  20. Magnolia Verandah says

    October 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    I can hear you take a deep breath, release it slowly, relax, regroup, and settle the herd!
    I remember those times and watch my own children race around madly with their own children trying to squeeze everything in – its a fine line we tread.

    Reply
  21. Sue says

    October 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Beautiful post, what so many need to hear and heed. Quiet joy. Love it.

    Reply
  22. vera says

    October 15, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    YES!

    Reply
  23. likeschocolate says

    October 17, 2011 at 4:02 am

    I hear you, it has been crazy around here and all I want to do is put on the breaks.

    Reply
  24. Stacy of KSW says

    October 18, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    You have no idea how much I needed to find this post today. Thanks for helping me remember this is just a part of motherhood, soon it will pass and things will be back to semi-normal …

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
๐Ÿƒ
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
๐Ÿƒ
A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
๐Ÿƒ
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
๐Ÿƒ
Clip on bed lights save space. 
๐Ÿƒ
A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
๐Ÿƒ
When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
๐Ÿƒ
All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
โ˜€๏ธ
When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
โ˜€๏ธ
More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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