Taking the High Road, Forgiveness and Good Terms
“As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.”
I love that line from the poem Desiderata.
If you reflect back someone’s anger, someone’s hurt, someone’s chipped shoulder, bitterness or jealousy, YOU become that same thing yourself…YOU are in a sense, making the very same life choices they have. You are handing over your spirit to someone mean, bitter, icky and saying “I want to be just like you”! If they are unkind, and you are unkind back to “show them”, then look…you are the same person! There are some truly miserable people out in this world, I’ve decided. If someone says something that you sense stems from envy or insecurity, why not come back with a great big compliment instead of reacting defensively? It takes practice and purpose, but it’s so powerful! It becomes a habit if you try. And sometimes yes, I don’t want to try. But when I do, I feel so good.
My mom used to tell us all the time, “Just take the high road.” I don’t think I liked hearing it every time, but boy, every time I’ve ever taken the middle road, or especially the low road, I’ve totally wished, in hindsight, that I took the high road. The high road to me, equals no regrets ever. If you stick to the high road, you’ll never participate in anyone else’s garbage. You’ll never be less than proud of yourself. You’ll never say, “Oh, how I wish I never got involved in that.” Or “I wish I never said that or did this.” Never. You’ll always maintain your integrity.
Every decision and interaction we make in life sets the tone for how we want to be known by our family, children, husband, aunts, uncles, cousins and by our friends, and complete strangers.
Awhile ago, a readerleft me this comment on a post I wrote:
Something my mother always tells me that HER mother used to always say…
You have three names in life:
the name you were given at birth,
the name that you make for yourself,
and the name that everyone knows you by.
That last one is the most important, because it is the name that you must work the hardest to change.
She would then ask me, “Do you want to be known as a Liar, Cheater, Thief (or jaded, mean, bitter)?
Or Generous, Kind Hearted and Loving?”
I wholeheartedly agree with this post. I was recently in a "thing" with a few women who said a few mean things to me and my friend. We haven't spoken to them since but when we ran into them, we took the high road and said hi only to have them completely ignore us. They may think we're mean and rude, but when it comes down to it, they are and I'm so proud of my friend and I for taking the high road and being nice.
I just wrote last night about a recent bout of depression that turned my heart ugly. I can't tell you how much it would've helped to have been greeted with kind smiles when I was that person but sadly, I felt a lot of that being thrown back at me. I know, from my good place, that good begets good and I know now that I am on this side again that it can mean the world and sometimes life and death to someone if you just smile.
Emily@remodelingthislife
(is there any way you can bring back the ability to log in with a name and URL?)
🙂
Thank You, Thank You. I am printing this post and will look at it often. I am in a terrbile thing with a cousin that started last fall. I have been worring how this will be handled this summer at our lake homes. As it will be an issue. I "know" all of what you said. I know I need to handle it the way you said. But as you know it can be so hard! So this is so well said and all summed up right there that I can print and refer to it often…like when I just want to give up and take the ever so low road. Thanks!!!! Helping people one post at a time you are! Love It.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. I was just thinking about a situation while taking my shower, and wasn't sure how I should handle it. Now I know for sure what I'll do.
I was reading this as two teenagers were giving each other lip. I'm sure they ignored me as I read this out loud 😉
Very good thoughts …
this is wonderful Sarah. I have a very nasty neighbor who is just a pill and I've struggled between kindness and ignoring her….I'm purposing to be confidently me and show her love knowing that if she chooses nastiness, that's her deal, not mine! Thanks so much. I've really been enjoying your blog.
Needed this…thank you! I have a SIL that I have struggled to deal with for several years now. It's really affected my relationship with my MIL too. For a long time I was just bitter and angry. Time is healing the wounds…slowly. Your words are such a great reminder…..
julie
As I struggle to ….. 'not dislike' my ex husband… this post hits home. *sigh* Like it or not, it is all true. *hangs head*
Thank you… I NEEDED to hear that! I will try to take that high road!
i just did a post yesterday on a bible verse akin to the poem quote – and how i failed, but my ex rose to the challenge and took the high road, while i was the one to feel regret over my behavior. Good post. (My work URL for Maitland Rents is taking over my normal blog URL.)- Sheri from http://www.thesimasek-kiblerproject.blogspot.com
kill'em with kindness. another great post Sarah!
So true! And I can't get over how stinkin' CUTE Patrick is!
LOVED this post…so true!
Thank you so much for this! I really needed this especially today with thoughts that are running in my mind and some recent events that have happened. I tried taking the high road but still it bothers me and wasn't sure what to do next until I read this.
This post was very timely for me and was a help, once again proving there are no accidents. God was working on my heart here. Thank you.
Great post and great advice, some that I will definitely take with me as my baby girl gets older. Thanks for the lecture, I didn't mind it at all.
"Taking the high road" was a foreign concept until I met my husband- it even took a few years of knowing him to really get it. My family- all about the grudges and anger and who said what unkind thing. So sad. But my husband- always takes the high road, never burns bridges, always tries to see the good part of a person (even if it's just that they like the same restaurant!). And so he never has to worry about regrets or that someone is stewing somewhere because of him. It doesn't come naturally to me but I try to work on it.
Great post!
Just what I needed to hear – as I'm currently in a situation where I really need to take the high road with an extended family member. My husband told me I need to "kill her with kindness". This post brought that to life, I don't want to have regrets later. I always look forward to reading your blog!
What a great post! I love that saying at the end. The name that everyone knows you by.
True words
SO so true! =) I have been on the middle road all too often I think… when my heart is not seeking God morning, noon and night is when I tend to hit that road! My thing is that peace and contentment come when you are thinking of the other person rather than yourself… life flows more peacefully when your eyes are not on self… it is the best advise for a marriage … but applies to so many other relationships! =)
I love the 3 names thing… brilliant! =)
looks like he got a haircut!
well…this post is true.
🙂
and convicting.
I'm so glad you wrote this post today. I'm going through something icky with a friend right now. I want to be on good terms with her but I'm not sure she wants to. I will continue to take the high road with her. You also reminded me of something I had forgotten about. My wonderful 6th grade Language Arts teacher gave me a handwritten copy of the Desiderata when I moved in the middle of the school year. I've held onto it all these years (I'm 41 now). It means so much to me. It's been about 10 years since I've looked at it. I am bringing it out now so I can share it with my own 6th grader. Thanks for reminding me of this.
I'm delurking to say that this really made my day. Thanks so much for this, it really hit home for me and helped me realize how to take control in these types of not so nice relationships.
That was a great post and it really made me step back and think about life. For the most part I feel as if I have taken the high road, but like everyone else out there you accidentally do things and say dumb things and feel awful about it later on. This post has made me want to just take a stronger leap towards the high road. With my 5 little people and my husband, I want be the best person I can. I pray that I will have that direction and to know the times to stop and try fix something and times to just turn and not get involved. I have learned that not everyone is going to understand where you are coming from, so when they offend you, sometimes they really aren't meaning to. Other times you may not understand someone else's history. So to the naked eye the situation is one way, but if taken a moment to understand someone, it will teach you a thing or two. And in my experience it will teach to be humble and more grateful for what you have. And a lot of the time realize the things that you think that are a huge deal, aren't always as big as you think.
Great thoughts to share. I really dislike that feeling you're talking about – being on bad terms with someone. I love your reminder that we have the power to change the situation just as much as they do. Thanks for the positive reminder. 🙂 I just love reading your blog. Keep it up.
Great post.
Our children are not quite at the age of constant peer pressure and friend "drama", but I know with raising three girls, those days aren't far away!:)
Teaching your children to mirror back what they want to see is such a tough lesson, but so powerful!
Thanks for this post!
Enjoy the day!
Forgiveness is not for the forgivee, it is for peace for the forgiver.
I recently posted a story entitle the Ultimate DIY. It was to provide inspiration to others.
You have two choices when you are wronged. You can be bitter or you can be better.
Please stop by as I am hosting a giveaway to celebrate finishing this 23 year project.
Great post at a time when it is needed for me (and many others apparently 😉
I took the high road on the latest icky situation that I am in. Its the road I prefer anyway. Somedays I still feel under a cloud about the situation ~ hurt~ but knowing where I stand on my end always pulls me through.
Thank you.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am having some issues with a co-worker and I think this says it all perfectly. I will put this into motion tomorrow. If she isn't receptive, then that's not something I have to answer for later on.
loved this Sarah!! I put a link to it on my blog, hope that's alright?!!? We all need to stay on the "high road"!
Desiderata has a place of honour in my home!
Thanks for sharing; I love your blog.
Love from Holland,
Jeanneke.
Thank you so much for this post! I recently have chosen to take the high road in a situation where the other peson is taking the low one. I was actually feeling pretty down about my decision not to say anything, because then the only voice being heard is the negative one. This post completely reaffirmed my decision. I don't want that icky feeling and I certainly don't want to regret my own actions. I can only control my own actions and if they are ones that show kindness and love and integrity then I have nothing to worry about. Thank you for lifting my spirits.