Life’s Plain, Common Work
The best things in life are nearest:
Breath in your nostrils,
light in your eyes,
flowers at your feet,
duties at your hand,
the path of right just before you.
Then do not grasp at the stars,
but do life’s plain, common work
as it comes,
certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Isn’t it so difficult to remember this these days? I think it is. I love that we women all have so many choices in our life’s path, but have you ever either questioned yourself, or been questioned by others for choosing the ordinary?
In the past 15 years I’ve heard, “I just don’t feel fulfilled at home.” Or, “Don’t you go crazy all day home with the kids?” or “I was so bored and lonely, I couldn’t wait to go back to the office.” Or, “Don’t you feel trapped?” Or, “I could never be home with my kids all day, I’d go bonkers!”
I try to always answer those questions honestly and kindly, of course. I know that everyone has their own experiences that lead them to make different decisions, but here is what I think.
Yes, being at home with the kids IS sometimes boring. Some days I feel trapped for sure…I can’t just up and leave on a whim anytime I want and usually I have to plan intricately when I do, around everyone else’s schedule. There is no calling in sick on this job, I’ve found. and no scheduled breaks, at least that I can count on. I’m lucky if I get any vacation days at all.
It IS sometimes lonely. I can go all day without hearing from anyone over the age of 2, or 6, or 15, and just because I am never alone, doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel lonely.
Do I feel like I’m using all my talents and gifts? I think I’ve acquired lots more talents and gifts along this motherhood road by pure necessity. I think I’ve discovered what I’ve needed to do to feel like I’ve accomplished something everyday, and to get out and socialize (or not!), and to get a little bit of freedom once in awhile to not go bonkers.
I wish I could say, “I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather do!” when it comes to cleaning toilets or throw up or washing the floor for the umpteenth time. But when cuddling a sweet little infant, that statement would be true one hundred times over. When I think of the small sometimes mundane tasks of keeping house-making a house a home for those I love the most-there is nothing else I’d rather be doing. Every job has mundane tasks, but no job holds the rewards of motherhood.
What it comes down to really, is that I don’t think there is anything else I should be doing, right now.
“The path of right before you…certain that daily duties…are the sweetest things in life.”
I don’t think our lives as moms are supposed to be easy and fun and exciting and “fulfilling” every day. Sometimes hard work is just that-hard work-service for our family. I don’t think I have something special or different, some incredible talents or gifts, some Barney-esque personality that has turned me into a ‘mom’. I think every one of us moms have talents that lend themselves to making great mothers. We just have to tap into them…they exist somewhere inside of us. We have to trust that this long road, this “plain and common work” will be more rewarding to us than any other job on earth…so far, 15 years into it, I can tell you that I already find this to be SO true.
Then you turn around and all the kiddos have left the nest and you realize how quickly it has all gone by. It's the hardest and the most important and the most rewarding career you will have ever had! It's wonderful to hear your honesty and what you value.
I love the ordinary days and the ordinary things I do. Some days are monotonous and boring, yes, but the grass isn't always greener, so there isn't anything I'd rather do. Sadly, I'm not always kind telling people that.
and ps. When I got married at 23, I got a similar line of questioning about why I would want to so young.
I don't know if you've found this, but I am feeling as though my role as "mom" is becoming even more important with every year my daughters get older. The questions that need to be answered are becoming more challenging, the situations my kids find themselves trying to wade through are more complex. This week alone, I've had to ponder over decisions about which high school should be chosen , immersion programs that will take my daughter away for 3 weeks, coaches philosophies and if they are helping of hurting, and how all of these decisions will affect our daughters. The small hurts of younger years seem to be eons ago. I am underwhelmed by the laundry and overwhelmed by the guiding. Parenthood is not for the faint of heart.
Dana
Thank you so much for posting this. Sometimes I feel that I am doing something wrong because I do often feel bored or lonely. But when I do feel those things, I try to make my own fun that involves my daughter, or I try to go out and be with other people. It takes getting used to, but at the same time, I do appreciate the chance I have to be home with my darling toddler, and the moments we share just the two of us that will never come again. But I'm so grateful to you for writing this out. Your way with words is a gift.
Though my children are grown and married, I still feel my role as a mom hasn't ended. It has in the *physical* sense, but emotionally they are still right next to my heart.
Thanks for your honesty! This was wonderfully written and a great reminder this morning.
All those questions that others ask could be asked right back to working moms. Do they always feel fulfilled at work? Do they sometimes feel like they'll go bonkers? I know I did when I worked. All jobs (including staying home) has it's highs and lows. Each mom is left with the task of determining which one has less lows.
I'm just glad that my highs and lows can be with my kids.
Exactly!! As if going back to work or a career is 100% awesome every day. I worked for 7 years before staying at home, and it was a tough transition, I'll admit. I feel that being at home is HARDER but it is BETTER. I felt the same things at work (boredom at times, stuck, unfulfilled, whatever). But I'd rather raise my son. He is 14 months and I tell myself often "This is the ONLY childhood he is going to have. When he looks back on life he's going to say .. "when i was a kid..", and what I'm doing RIGHT NOW is determining that. And I'm so glad I get to be there for him – to raise him, teach him, train him.
I just read an article this morning that echoed the same things you said in this post. "Find more joy in the doing." "Get better at the middle zone." It's sometimes hard in the midst of the work when you can't see the fruits of your labors and the end feels so far away. Whether it's the middle of raising a child, or the middle of a weight loss goal, or the middle of dinner prep, I am glad for the reminders that all the work is worth the fruits in the end. Not only do I need to keep going but also make an effort to enjoy the doing of each task. Thank you for this reminder!
Your ideas resonnate so much with me. My daughter is 27 and I'm still finding my way from active motherhood to a new life. This quote and the one on your sidebar are wonderful messages to enjoy where you are at the moment. I always find myself too focused on the future and missing the goodness right in front of me.
Today, we are back to school after our Spring Break…and I honestly am a little sad about it 🙂 I'm learning to be content….and am learning that I LOVE BEING A HOMEBODY 🙂 LOVE IT!!!!!! These moments will be gone in a flash….and it makes me terribly sad to think about that 🙁 Once again Sarah, BEAUTIFUL post 🙂
I was just thinking about this and you know, I truly CAN'T think of anything that I'd rather be doing every day. Not one thing. I wouldn't trade all of the spa days and lunch dates and promotions and weekend getaways and girls' nights out in the world for my "job". I don't feel a bit unfulfilled ever. And bored? Ha!
It is so refreshing to read your post because not that I need validationg for what I do as a stay at home mom or a.k.a. housewife, but it is nice to know that there are others out there who feel the way I do. I can't imagine going to work and missing out on the lives of my children. I only get one chance before they grow up and I don't want to miss one single minute of it.
I love staying at home and taking care of my husband & son. I never feel like I am missing something in my life. I am doing what I was put on the earth to do. I know that it is not for every one but it is for me:)
My husband and I have a saying… Just because something is easy, doesn't mean it's fulfilling. I'm reminded of this any time I had a rough day with the kids. As much as my days would be easier if I weren't home with them, it wouldn't be as fulfilling at the end of the day.
Ahh yes, the joys of motherhood. Sometimes when I think I am going to go out of my mind if I have to play another game of candyland, I remember that the game was created for them, not me! My joy comes in watching them learn the game and have fun. If I'm in this for my entertainment, it aint never gonna happen. It's when I really sit back and watch that I am entertained and fulfilled.
Beautiful, wise words.
yes, I agree with you! and isn't it just flying by? I had a walk down memory lane today (went thru all of my 16,000 photos on my computer!) & was filled with a bit of fear about what happens when this chapter of my life has come to an end? if you have time, read my post.
When I worked a job outside the home I often felt unfulfilled. Sometimes watching the kids at the park I get a bit bored and when we are inside all day because someone is sick I do get lonely. But there is no other "job/role" I would rather have. I am not stuck in a cubicle, disliking my boss' demands etc. When I want I can whisk the children off for a picnic and return home when we "want" to. There is a lot of freedom in staying at home.
I love knowing that this is where I'm suppose to be right now, and I'm loving it even the boring days. Sometimes they are my favorite.
Just wanted you to know that I happened upon your blog a few weeks ago and I love it! I stay at home with my four boys – yes, you heard it 4 BOYS – aged almost 7, 5, 3, and 4 mo. Ummm, yes – there is room for insanity in my days 🙂 but I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I have been doing mission work in Mexico City for the past 6 years and we'll be transitioning to the US this summer. We are interested to see what "being parents" is like in the fast and go American society. We intend to hold on to quality family time in place of a crazy go, go, go lifestyle but suspect that that may be a difficult task. We wonder how it will be to raise 4 HUNGRY boys on one income (because we are committed to having me stay home with these little monsters! – lol) I have been encouraged by your perspective on this blog. Thank you! I need to do a 40 day/40 bag purge of my house as we prepare to pack and move. Yikes. That is a tall order for me since I lack organization, I am a pack rat, and I've stored all these "boy things" to pass along from one boy to another!
Again – thanks for giving me some "adult conversation" today!
book, book, book…i would love to read a book you write on motherhood, values, morals, etc…i just love this blog and the sense of happiness it brings me! thanks-
I'll take the ordinary moments any day. When I get those questions, or when I question it all myself, I try to remind myself that ordinary moments make extraordinary memories.
I started to read "The Gift of an Ordinary Day" last night and I'm so completely moved by her writing. It speaks to me so deeply and I'm finding it very moving. You touch on the same themes so beautifully. You definitely have many gifts to share, not only with your children, but with your readers: your photography, writing, wit, and style, to name a few. Me, "my life is average"….at least that's what I tell my teen girls when they make some silly comment about me (knowing that they occasionally read a teen blog by that name.)
I find more and more in reading other SAHM moms blogs though expressed in diferent ways that we all share the same sentiments about the blessing of being @ home with our children. I really feel it's the ones on the outside looking in that are truly missing out. And sometimes it may be just out of their reach for circumstances that are not in their control, but for many I think it's selfishness.
What a gift we have been given to participate in life's most ordinary days. Yes, there are days when "fulfilling" probably isn't at the top of the list, but I wouldn't trade one day away from my boys for anything else. However it is so valuable to be reminded occasionally to find the extraordinary in our ordinary days. Thank you for encouraging myself and other mothers. It is a so nice to read such a refreshing voice in a sea of often negative or "PC" words.
So well put. There is no place for me to be that is more important than right here, taking the kids to and from school and being with them through life's everyday stuff. Even during the witching hours of parenting. 😉
I don't think it is Plain & common work at all, your are building/raising our future what could be more important. You could be wiping the little bum of our future President or someone who is going to cure cancer or who knows what, and the fact that he or she had a mother home with him that loved him could be just what gives him the confidence to accomplish these things. I am a mom who is mixed between working and staying home. I always considered my self a stay at home mom, but I started a business after my fourth child was born… a hobby of mine and my daughters that kind of fell into place, I do most my work from home but still feel uneasy about all the time spent working and long for the days when I spent every waking minute caring for my children only! I don't think there is any greater job or more fullfilling.
"It is not a slight thing when those so fresh from God love us" Dickens
Since I now have two children leaving the house, I see the fruits of all my hard work. And some of it was REALLY HARD. But I see that it was worth it. That might be what it takes to keep me going when my 5-month-old baby is trying my patience still at 55!
This is so true. I saw a short video on my friends blog a while ago that talked about cherishing those 'ordinary days' with our families while we have them. I posted the video on my blog, if you want to see it… it's well worth your 7 minutes and I think you'll love it. Have a happy day!
YES!! I so agree with you!!
Beautifully written. You have a way of putting into words exactly what I need to hear.
I have just recently discovered your blog, and I so appreciate your views on this motherhood thing we do! It is so refreshing to hear someone speak so honestly and openly.
I needed to hear this today. When I'm in the zone, I see motherhood as the greatest gift ever and I am content and happy(most of the time).
It's when I start comparing myself to other people that I become discontent and unsatisfied with the road I've chosen.
But even in those moments, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I don't do this mothering this right, nothing else I accomplish will matter much at all!
Very good post. Thanks – it was something I needed today.
I am an empty-nester (and posted on my blog about it several days ago). This season of ours is "heaven." But, you're spot on. There IS nothing more important. Some of your readers say as the kids get older, they feel it's even more important to be home. I tend to agree. They may ACT like they don't want us around; but oh….they need us. Beautifully written post!
Good post. I think you're right…some days are boring and sometimes you just need to get out with other adults, but that's life…it's normal. At least I think so. There's a bigger picture though.
-FringeGirl
Oh how true your post is! I remember so well feeling so lonely at times, under stimulated by lack of intelligent conversation and certainly unfulfilled. Looking back, I am SO thankful for each and every precious moment I spent at home with my 3 precious children. Now they are adults and have families of their own…Time flies!
Even though I LOVED my job as a flight attendant, there were times I felt the exact same emotions that I just listed above. In a tube with 300 people hurling through the air, I often felt lonely, unfulfilled and certainly under stimulated. I am so grateful that you are direct and honest about your feelings. You don't sugar-coat things and you have kept your sense of humor through it. You are an amazing woman and an example even to us "old ladies" (teehee).
I love this post!
There is a lot of ordinary in being at home caring for my family.
But there was when I was working full time.
And in terms of feeling lonely, you can be at work and still feel lonely. When I feel lonely, i pick up the phone and invite a friend out for coffee. And it is someone who I want to spend time with, not just someone whose work cubicle is next to mine.
Off to scrub the bathroom……
Non Consumer Girl
Isn't anything that's "worth it" in life hard? I hear those exact same phrases about staying at home. I love "I think every one of us moms have talents that lend themselves to making great mothers. We just have to tap into them…they exist somewhere inside of us." I second this! There isn't one way to be a good mom, and I think some think that because they don't love playing in the sandbox or making crafts that they're not cut out to be a mom. I love watching how different women mother and raise successful children.
Love this quote. I've said this before..Our world needs more moms like you Sarah..keep writing. You are doing a terrific job at inspiring lots of moms out there!
These are great questions and ones that I think are just as appropriate for moms that work outside the home. I work outside the home. I enjoy what I do and I have a passion for it, but sometimes work is boring and I wish I were able to be at home with my son. As a single mom I have to balance child care, chores, errands, etc. on my own. It has given balance a whole new meaning. Even though I am surrounded by adults all day, I still feel alone at times. Life is not supposed to be easy, fun, exciting, or fulfilling every day regardless of who you are or what you do, but I continue to remind myself that only I can live the life that God put me on this earth to live. Regardless of our personal situations, there are always times that the grass is always greener. This is okay. It helps us to really look at our lives and appreciate it for what it is.
There's truly no place like home! I feel so blessed to be here, having a hand in shaping my children day by day. And, as others have said, it seems even more important as they get older. Having my 13-yo son casually hang out and help as I cook dinner leads to conversations that wouldn't happen if I weren't there. My husband would love it if I worked… but this family is my life-work. Blessings!
Amen, and again I say, amen. Though few may actually realize it, (much less acknowledge it) our entire society is enriched by moms (and dads) who spend their time creating a loving home, and raising their children in a such a manner that they develop into mature, responsible adults. After all is said and done, what could possibly be of greater importance, or for that matter, more fulfilling?
Deb Bradford
Natchitoches, La.
I SO enjoy reading your blog and relate with your words on mothering so much. Thank you for sharing your stories and what works for you. I am just 19 months into the journey of motherhood. I cannot wait to grow our family (well, some days I can) but you know what I mean. I'm learning to slow down and soak in all the moments at home.