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Home ยป Blog ยป What Makes Me Feel Like A Good Mom?

What Makes Me Feel Like A Good Mom?

by Sarah Turner Clover Lane, Mothering

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Do you ever ask yourself this?

It’s like giving yourself an evaulation, and then finding all the answers to your happiness.

What’s a good day’s work as a mommy mean to you?

What, when you lay your head down to sleep, what makes you feel that “this was a great day” feeling in your heart?

For me, I’ve found it’s not dependent on whether or not we did something out of the ordinary.  And it’s not really dependent on whether everything went smoothly or not, or whether or not all the kid’s were happy all day. 

It’s about the stuff that doesn’t change…that shouldn’t change.  The constant, simple stuff.

Here are my answers:

1. I can say I didn’t raise my voice once. I took the time to step back and react like a mature adult in charge of the situation.  I educated and taught instead of getting angry.

2. I looked into the eyes of each child-I wasn’t so busy that I just “managed” them, but I took time to connect with each of them.

3. I took the time to search out a little piece of goodness in each one and let them know it. 

4. I went outside with them, in any kind of weather, for a walk, or to play.

5. We never turned the TV on.

6. I got down on my hands and knees and played, or read a book with the little ones.

7. I was “ready” for the older ones when they got home from school.

8. I fed us ALL healthy food and we ate together as a family.

9. I kept our house relatively cleaned and straightened, supplied with GOOD things to do…good books, creative toys.

10. I tucked freshly scrubbed, shampoo-smelling children into bed…and spent a little time reading or talking about their day before lights-out.

No, this all can’t happen every single day, it DOESN’T happen every day, but it makes me feel so good when I can make several of them happen. It allows me to feel like “job well done”

It’s easy to find excuses but none are really as important enought to interfere with me being the mother I have the intention of being.

Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow is yet to come.  We have only today.  If we help our children to be what they should be today, they will have the necessary courage to face life with greater love.

Mother Theresa

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February 17, 2010 ยท 41 Comments

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  1. Dana @ SweetThings says

    February 17, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Your so right!! I love it!! Thanks, for always putting things into perspective for me.

    Reply
  2. Megan says

    February 17, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Your list is "time-less" …and I love it! "Supplied with good things to do" ..resonated with me. This is always a goal of mine…and I think it's so very important.

    Reply
  3. Carin says

    February 17, 2010 at 10:44 am

    Love this!

    Reply
  4. Meeks says

    February 17, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I've been thinking about this topic lately too. I was thinking about how we (I) need to "check in" to make sure our actions are consistent with how we would want to raise our children. I am nodding along to all your the things on your list.

    Reply
  5. Ann says

    February 17, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    Great post! It totally helps me keep in perspective.

    Reply
  6. Jessica @ Barefoot by the Sea says

    February 17, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Thank you for the list – I needed that!

    Reply
  7. Pam says

    February 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    This is exactly what I strive for. No, it doesn't happen every day. And for me I have to lose the "Mother's Guilt" when it doesn't happen. Guilt is such a wasted emotion. I love the daily quotes Sarah…

    Reply
  8. For the Love of Naps - Sarah says

    February 17, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    In the morning, before my boys are awake I pop on and see if there are any new blog updates on my google reader and I am always so excited when yours pops up. Your thoughts always hit home and make sense. And today you inspire again. And I love reading your posts before I start my day!

    Reply
  9. You Can Call Me Jane says

    February 17, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    A good day to me means having been patient and attentive. And, I don't mean carrying out their every wish immediately. I mean, coming in an actual 'minute' when I say I will. It's keeping my cool, having heart to heart talks about behavior instead of over-using time outs. It's the days I can keep a positive outlook and attitude- it spreads like wild fire.

    Your picture is so sweet and the quote…Mother Teresa gets me every time- right where I need it. Thanks for this post.

    Reply
  10. Kimberly says

    February 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    I thought and thought and thought what I would give up for lent. I decided last night that I read way too many blogs that, at first, make me feel exhilerated with all the beautiful pictures and travels and professional accomplishments of others. Then I get that little "I want, too" monster in my head.

    I've given up blog reading for lent. All except for yours since yours keeps me focused on the important things of who I am: a good mother, a good wife, and a good friend. I am a provider for my family even if I don't bring home money.

    (This is difficult from a former bread-winner of the house . . . and a blog-reading addict.)

    Even though I say "thank you" almost everytime I post, I really do mean it in its simple truth: thank you. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  11. jen says

    February 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Completely the opposite of my post today. Some days, mothering is just keeping your head above water long enough to make it to bed that night. And knowing that that's okays sometimes.
    I love your perspective on this. I'm going to to try to have today be one of your good days.

    Reply
  12. Two Little Tots says

    February 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    love this list…thank you!

    Reply
  13. Leslie says

    February 17, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I love the quote by Mother Teresa. My best "mom-days" are when I am "there," as in the situation and present. I am not thinking about our schedule, what needs to be done, etc. That is when I feel at my best!

    Reply
  14. Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top says

    February 17, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    I love this list!!! It's what I strive for as well. And it makes me feel like a pretty good mom. Thanks! I manage to do most of things. Not ALL the time, every single day but I manage. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love that photo of you and your son. Cute!

    Reply
  15. Twice as Nice says

    February 17, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    One of my best mommy moments was a few years ago when I woke my son up for school and as I was walking out of his room he said "Mom, you're the best mom I could ever ask for." I'll never forget it.
    Thanks so much for stopping over at our blog. I love it when the people visiting write a little something because it gives us a chance to visit a really great blog we didn't know about such as yours.

    Reply
  16. momto5minnies says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Another great quote from Mother Teresa!

    I agree with these thoughts. I've really got to work harder at the raising the voice part. It seems that if I can keep that one in check, then so many other great things can happen in the day.

    Reply
  17. Brian and Staci says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    Man I agree!!!! It really is the little things…that mean sooo much to them (and me too!) And yikes! I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself to not raise my old voice ๐Ÿ™ ugghhh ๐Ÿ™ I'm reeeeally trying on that one! And wow!! I just love Mother Theresa ๐Ÿ™‚ Have I told you that you are the first blog I check now!!! Even before I check my email…it's you I read about!!! Thanks Sarah! ๐Ÿ™‚ Wonder how many times today I will get told I have something on my forehead???? heee hee Not a ton of Catholics here in Oklahoma ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  18. Vava (aka Virginia) says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Love your list!!!! P.S. I mentioned you in my blog and have a little "Beth Moore mantra" for you. Blessings!

    Reply
  19. andee says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    Love the check list – thank you!

    Reply
  20. Anonymous says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Wow. This is a wonderful post. I am just amazed at what you write. The wisdom, the understanding, the clarity and the rationality of this motherhood trip.

    Your kids are so blessed to have YOU as their mother. Thank you for always coming up with a great post. You inspire … you brighten my day … you teach … it's the little things that are actually BIG things. THANK YOU.

    Diane

    Reply
  21. Christi says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    I love those kind of days. Why are they so hard to have?? By the way… I came looking for your post on How To Cure A Funk. I need that one today and can't find it. Help!

    Reply
  22. Dana @ Bungalow'56 says

    February 17, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Sarah thank you for the tips on the 40 bags from yesterday. It makes it much less overwhelming. Another beautiful post. I just have to keep thinking simplify, simplify, simplify, and I will remember what is important.
    Take care,
    Dana

    Reply
  23. Anonymous says

    February 17, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Your such a cute mom! Yeh for motherhood!

    Reply
  24. Kate Riley says

    February 17, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    I agree to all of those tips…. you are a wonderful inspiring mom. That photo of you is precious. You radiate happiness from within.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  25. Maiden Jane says

    February 17, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    I admit many times, when my head hits the pillow, I don't feel like I did a good job as a mom. I feel like a good mom when I see my kids doing something nice without being told…I think you are a fantastic mom!

    Reply
  26. LizzyP says

    February 17, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    From Mother Teresa's quote, we could all take that phrase as a mantra "Face [each day] with greater love", no? I mean, if we really want them to do that in their lives, we need to be the examples, right? Each goal on your list is an example of great love.

    Reply
  27. heidi @ wonder woman wannabe says

    February 17, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    looks like a great list to me!

    Reply
  28. Sara says

    February 17, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    That was a great list. Thanks for keep me in perspective. Your blog is so inspiring!!

    Reply
  29. Chinny and Poom says

    February 18, 2010 at 1:26 am

    1 and 5 are tough sometimes. That dang dummy box. I should just toss it out. Although yesterday and today we have done so great at limiting. Thanks for the reminder on number 1. Working on it daily. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  30. Shelby says

    February 18, 2010 at 4:01 am

    Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I have many of the same thoughts for what a 'good' day is!

    Reply
  31. Tawny says

    February 18, 2010 at 4:57 am

    I totally have those days too. I think, oh I was not a good mom today (especially after bringing home my second baby). But then other days I am able to reflect and think we had a good day. I love the TV one. I feel very good when the TV is not on and I was able to get down and play. Really play!

    Reply
  32. kami @ nobiggie.net says

    February 18, 2010 at 5:34 am

    I love your list. Especially the go outside one. Something about it…whatever the weather, really can change your mood.

    You inspire me to be a better mom…a lot.

    Reply
  33. momto9 says

    February 18, 2010 at 8:06 am

    so so true!! Thanks for the reminder!

    Reply
  34. anne says

    February 19, 2010 at 3:10 am

    Sarah .. I love what you think and what you write about and all that you share… What a great momma..mommy you are and a great example to so many. This post has made me think all day about what makes me feel like a good mom too… Thank you! It is easy to caught up in the "thick of thin things…" as we go about our days and we miss the really good stuff …the things that make the biggest difference in our lives and the lives of our children. You are wonderful..

    Reply
  35. Melissa says

    February 20, 2010 at 5:16 am

    I read this post Wed night after a very long, hard day as a mom. It had me in tears because I was in a funk of a funk as you have talked about before and I honestly don't think I could have answered yes to any of your above. I do love your list though and on my good mom days agree with all of them (okay,maybe not the tv one…we all need our Max & Ruby fix around here ๐Ÿ™‚ Thursday night was mine though and it's amazing what a trip to Target alone and coming home to a clean house, kids in bed and the dishwasher running can do for a mom's soul…keep up the awesome posts.

    Reply
  36. Donya says

    February 21, 2010 at 11:43 pm

    That is exactly what makes a good mom day for me too. Thanks for putting it into words and posting the reminder.

    Reply
  37. Carla says

    February 22, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! I want to be able to check these off at the end of the day with my 3 children (4, 3 & 9mo.) too! I already printed this out to post for awhile as a fresh start and good reminder. I can get stuck in a rutt of being "busy". I'm new to your blog, and wanted to thank you for your honesty. It seems like a great way to also hold yourself accountable and make you a great mom too! Good Job!

    Reply
  38. Brooke says

    February 22, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    I love every one. You have to have goals and expectations if you want to be the kind of mom you want to be! Seems like you are a wonderful one!!

    Reply
  39. Anonymous says

    February 27, 2010 at 5:50 am

    I just started reading your blog and you have helped me understand many things I want to change about myself and how I parent. I love to read about your calmness and love for your family and it is so encouraging to be influenced (even if through a computer) to sit back and evaluate myself instead of trying to fix everything else first. Thank you for your honest thoughts and inspiration!

    Reply
  40. April Perry says

    September 22, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Have I ever told you how much I love you? Well, I do. Thanks for all you do to uplift and strengthen mothers, Sarah.

    Reply
  41. Transplanted Italian says

    September 10, 2012 at 2:44 am

    I thank you for this. I needed it tonight. I knew that by coming here I would find the inspiration I was looking for (your blog is like a parenting Bible! and I know you don't mean it that way but boy, heaven knows how you have blessed my life, Sarah).
    I would love to meet you someday.
    (and by the way, my husband and five little children all know of Sarah at Clover Lane too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

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Sarah Turner

When our first baby was placed in my arms I knew there was no place I wanted to be other than home with him every day. Twenty five years, and five more babies later, (six children, now ages 26-8), I still feel the same. I blog here about motherhood, how to make a house a home, easy recipes, and simple living. You can read more about me here.

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Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular. Just an o Nothing pretty, flashy, or spectacular.  Just an ordinary Monday morning breakfast counter after the kids leave for school.  Because ordinary gets the short hand in our culture but really it's extra special. 
It's a symbol of unselfishness, contentment, prudence and gratitude.  There is a certain peace about the ordinary.  It's the opposite of temporary-it holds the joy of contentment and gratitude and prudence all in one hand.  It's lends itself toward peace, and a settling in, not a constant search for more or less or anything.  Ordinary is authentic and good enough- in short it's a gem in disguise. ๐Ÿƒ
I love my home and I hope you do also. With all t I love my home and I hope you do also.  With all the imperfections and maintenance it requires, when I pull up and walk in I want to stay, to relax, to feel safe, for daily life to be easy, and to care for "home". I want simplicity, ease, convenience.  To me when my home is simple, without being filled to the brim of things that just take up space I love it best.  I hope if you've participated fully or even partially as time allowed in 40 Bags in 40 Days you've found that joy and pride in your home.  I plan to share more little challenges and tips as the year proceeds to trouble shoot areas and keep maintenance effortless and the house love flowing.  Daily life in our homes should bring us joy and ease while we care for our families, we should be thoughtful stewards of our money and of our time and simple living is the answer to that. 
Thank you for participating! ๐Ÿก
I think this is one of the best things about the 4 I think this is one of the best things about the 40 Bag decluttering process.  When I know what I have and have removed all that I don't, it cultivates more discretion and caution about what I bring back in.  I think there is also some realization of how much money is wasted on fads, or thoughtless purchases.  It's quite eye-opening.  I've become so much more careful, and find we all take better care of things, as do my children.
The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days! I've tackle The final week of 40 Bags in 40 Days!  I've tackled all the areas of my home with exception of my oldest daughter's room (not the photo)- which she is excited to work on this week.
The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean an The simpler the room, the easier it is to clean and straighten up.  And then the more enjoyable it is to actually sit in that room.  It's not a hard equation, all it takes is ruthless purging-and not just little things but larger items also.  Functional furniture is the key and very few decorative pieces especially when children are in the home, makes life so much easier. 
๐Ÿƒ
As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 As we head into the last week of the 40 Bags in 40 Days Challenge I'm hearing from so many of you what a difference it has made in your appreciation of your homes, a certain contentment, and at the same time a thrill of looking in on the organized kitchen, closet and living space.  I agree!  I love purging, cleaning and organizing a space and then going back later that day just to get that wonderful sense of accomplishment.  It makes such a difference! 
๐Ÿƒ
A lighter, fresher, calmer home is the result of de-cluttering.  I even had a participant who had been planning on listing her home, start 40 Days just to get her house ready to sell, and then was so ruthless in the process and also thrilled by the results that they decided to stay put in what seemed like a new home to them.  What a savings of time, money and energy. 
๐Ÿƒ
Next week I will be talking maintenance and answer all questions! โ˜€๏ธ
Tips For Shared Kids Rooms- This bedroom has seen Tips For Shared Kids Rooms-
This bedroom has seen every configuration possible.  With kids spread out 18 years apart, I've had to be creative over the years-which I think is the key to sharing rooms.  It is all possible-I consider it a rare luxury and privilege to not have to share a room although I know that is not the norm today. 
๐Ÿƒ
I like to create a simple look with white furniture (this ends up making room transitions easier also when moving someone out and someone else in.) I also like to match bedspreads for a cohesive look. 
๐Ÿƒ
Clip on bed lights save space. 
๐Ÿƒ
A simple shared book shelf can hold a child's special books and knick knacks and if necessary can be assigned per shelf.
๐Ÿƒ
When my kids were younger I had my dad build me a large wooden roll out box for under each bed.  This held each child's toys. 
๐Ÿƒ
All clothes are kept in a closet instead of dressers to save space.
I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags I feel like I bailed on everyone following 40 Bags progress and tips.  My excuse is the stomach flu ravaging us all here in the last week with me being the last to fall and the slowest to recover.  On top of that the weekend before I tried to roller blade (don't even ask how many steps I made it) and majorly bit it.  Thankfully I think I just sprained my arm. So I've been using one arm for nursing sick children back to health, and doing whatever cleaning and cooking and straightening I can do.  Alas, last week was a wash.  We have two weeks to go.  I'd like to continue and end on a high note.  How about you?  Even a little de-cluttering counts! Spring is in the air and I can't wait to throw open my windows and let fresh clean air circulate through my fresh clean orderly home. โ˜€๏ธ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒฑ
Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to th Especially where kids are concerned- we tend to think that the more things they have the happier and more occupied and loved they will feel.  Nothing can replace human interaction and I've found that too many toys has the reverse affect.  They cause overwhelm-just like us - we'd rather sit in an orderly space than one filled with too many things to do and too much stuff.
โ˜€๏ธ
When it comes to kids closets here are some tips-
1. Hand me downs don't all have to be received.  Or received at all.  Be choosy and keep just what they will use and need.
2. When children are presented with too many choices, tension and acrimony can exist.  Being able to open a closet with a reasonable amount of outfits can create more peace.
3. Cultivating independence in care of clothes is easier when there is less and the space is simplified and organized. 
โ˜€๏ธ
More tips coming on the blog this week.  I am moving my blog platform so I can't make any promises - it's under construction and that's exciting!
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