tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post6277298756577705868..comments2024-03-28T17:53:09.192-04:00Comments on Clover Lane: Ordinary DaysSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-38241501053627708332017-01-13T08:47:06.892-05:002017-01-13T08:47:06.892-05:00Jan I'm so sorry-you are totally right-a littl...Jan I'm so sorry-you are totally right-a little "coddling" DOES go a long way in some cases, and makes all the difference. Thank you for your comment.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-15521738603599953772017-01-13T06:34:38.732-05:002017-01-13T06:34:38.732-05:00I'm glad to see someone bring this up. I was s...I'm glad to see someone bring this up. I was systematically bullied for two and a half years after losing a brother to a car accident. My parents were so devastated by the accident that they couldn't deal with my issues at school, and I wound up hating myself and getting into drugs, etc. While I completely understand where my parents were coming from, the fact remains that I needed help and didn't get it. I was on my own with staggering grief and went to school in terror every day. I desperately needed help and counseling, which was not really a thing then. I'm not sure where this is going, except that sometimes kids really do need extra help. A little "coddling" would have gone a long way in my case. Jan Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08399683086307277394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-9198382529573590962016-09-23T11:18:20.575-04:002016-09-23T11:18:20.575-04:00I loved this Sarah as well as the perspectives of ...I loved this Sarah as well as the perspectives of the other commenters. My mother had 3 kids although my brother was much older than my sister and me but my mother was definitely not a helicopter parent. She laid a good foundation for us to be conscientious and hard workers so as we got older, by 8 years or so my mother did not check our homework or any of that kind of stuff. We made our own study timetables and did our own work. I am very grateful for what she did in that respect. I now have an 8-month old (hoping for 1 more) and hope that even though she will have access to more than I did when I was a child that I do not 'spoil' or coddle her. <br />Love reading your blog! Ms.JayQuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08973570223617823963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-65383878295938389232016-08-12T12:03:16.390-04:002016-08-12T12:03:16.390-04:00Love this Sarah and love you too. This whole post...Love this Sarah and love you too. This whole post reminds me of a quote my brother shared that he heard this summer, "Big families are like waterbeds; they used to be everywhere and now they're just weird." Haha. I am with you every word you said, and so grateful for the big family I was raised in and what I learned from my siblings. Sometimes as I worry about particular things with my own kids I wonder if my mother ever worried about the same kinds of things with her kids. I"m sure she did to a certain extent, but I think she was also just so good at letting us figure things out and fend for ourselves in a lot of situations and I'm so grateful. Shawnihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12521206493764797423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-8438328913704705092016-07-12T07:24:39.285-04:002016-07-12T07:24:39.285-04:00I love this post! I love this post! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12256132649391435095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-65053545545094660602016-06-23T23:06:13.835-04:002016-06-23T23:06:13.835-04:00Catching up on posts and this one was just wonderf...Catching up on posts and this one was just wonderful. I appreciate your wisdom and your writing. Your blog is just lovely to read. I grew up in a large Catholic family and I think you are right about the character traits that larger family structures naturally build in children. Very insightful!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02959023720915059908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-5842433271469990012016-06-08T07:59:44.188-04:002016-06-08T07:59:44.188-04:00niceniceAnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05734220215058808818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-55710421457641713392016-06-03T11:26:07.625-04:002016-06-03T11:26:07.625-04:00Sarah- I love your deep thoughts on old fashioned ...Sarah- I love your deep thoughts on old fashioned values and parenting practices. I am only one of two and remember watching The Waltons with such sibling envy. Big families look like so much fun. My husband and I have just three despite our plan for 4+. <br /><br />I have noticed, too, that the greatest generation came from lots of big families. I wonder what made many of them have far less children. My husband's father is one of 11. But from that big family, all of them but one had two children or less. I wonder if it was an economic thing or they felt like they didn't get enough attention or what. In my generation (which I believe is the same as yours), I know very few people who came from large families and I'm the product of 12 years of Catholic education so I should have seen more!<br /><br />Lisa https://www.blogger.com/profile/07648721779134226742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-50625963723596203332016-05-29T15:34:38.552-04:002016-05-29T15:34:38.552-04:00What a great post! So spot on! As a teacher and a ...What a great post! So spot on! As a teacher and a parent, I say kudos to you for putting such truth out there! We all need more posts like these! Thank you! Thank you! Both my parents were raised in big families by the way! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00982547291374220789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-40917734220889755332016-05-26T16:20:49.203-04:002016-05-26T16:20:49.203-04:00Oh man thanks so much for your response. I try to ...Oh man thanks so much for your response. I try to talk with these things about my husband & friends (who has 0 kids) & they just weren't seeing why it was so upsetting to me. Feels good to know someone else has been there & handled it similarly.<br /><br /><3Dranrabhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05112273813629435933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-80500310626099415652016-05-26T14:21:38.971-04:002016-05-26T14:21:38.971-04:00Hi Nicole! I have always done that also, and your ...Hi Nicole! I have always done that also, and your 3 year old will be fine-it is hard to feel split so many ways and who knows if I do a great job of it. I've always been of the mindset that I work on the littlest and on up in that order, of course that is not always true and some times/stages require more for one than the other. As they get older and more independent they just have to step up to the plate. You are doing the best you can-when one adds more and more kids to the family, you realize that some of those things you stressed about (one not getting enough attention etc) just isn't even in your mindset anymore because it is just impossible to be all things to everyone. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-41924587383650722842016-05-25T16:16:45.116-04:002016-05-25T16:16:45.116-04:00My grandmother, a mom to twelve, would always say ...My grandmother, a mom to twelve, would always say "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" <br /><br />I've been blessed with three... not a large family by any means... but the saying still works!! <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03533175848492779540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-46051624302575486722016-05-25T10:18:07.249-04:002016-05-25T10:18:07.249-04:00I have 2 kids and love the joy they've brought...I have 2 kids and love the joy they've brought to our family. Adding more can only bring more joyous feelings. The hardest part I'm facing right now is giving my all to both boys right now. My littlest needs to be nursed to sleep (8 months) and I have to keep the door shut to my 3 year old & just hate the feeling of doing that when I know the 3 year old needs me too. Do you have any suggestions on how you manage time like that with all your kiddos? <br /><br />Have a good one!<br /><br />NicoleDranrabhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05112273813629435933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-47384149533215818982016-05-24T11:40:10.124-04:002016-05-24T11:40:10.124-04:00I can't explain how encouraged I feel after re...I can't explain how encouraged I feel after reading every single one of your posts. You're like a friend that I've sat down with and gives me hope about the future, children, and family. Thank you!jeanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09810018388555836612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-62074853718793711402016-05-24T11:19:54.605-04:002016-05-24T11:19:54.605-04:00Thank you! Common sense parenting is a thing of th...Thank you! Common sense parenting is a thing of the past and so your blog posts are always a breath of fresh air. I was raised in a dairy farming family with a no-nonsense mom who we knew loved us but she didn't coddle us. I remember as a teenager one day grousing about something and saying, "But mom it's not fair!". She turned around from the stove shaking her rubber spatula and me and with fire in her eyes said, "And who ever told you life was supposed to be fair?!" That was the end of that. How many times in life I have needed the resilience that she modeled. Thank you for sticking your "neck out there" and speaking common sense truth - I thoroughly enjoyed your post!MarianneBrownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00262065578127608039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-24822210222837281892016-05-24T11:11:17.260-04:002016-05-24T11:11:17.260-04:00I have five boys ages 8, 6, 4, 2, and 8 months. I ...I have five boys ages 8, 6, 4, 2, and 8 months. I LOVE my big family. I joke I would have had 10 had I started earlier. I also love that my boys want more siblings. They always have someone to play with/fight with, but it's all good. Exhausting but so wonderful. I love your blog and your wisdom. michelle dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12438266319739740651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-9792109799620263282016-05-24T08:23:47.377-04:002016-05-24T08:23:47.377-04:00Sarah, I have been reading your blog for years!You...Sarah, I have been reading your blog for years!Your posts have been such an encouragement and blessing to me. I am a mom of two (10 y/o boy and 13 y/0 daughter)and also a pastor's wife in Charleston, SC. Thank you for sharing your life and the wisdom/insight God has given you on parenting! Many blessings, Marla PayneMarlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06565496748785393853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-87836219552121561662016-05-23T10:57:34.370-04:002016-05-23T10:57:34.370-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Genevievehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06049892527969560075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-88579724941817678192016-05-23T07:19:51.230-04:002016-05-23T07:19:51.230-04:00Hannah, I absolutely think that you can create the...Hannah, I absolutely think that you can create the family culture you want no matter what size your family is! I have good friends who have had one child and she is an incredible kid and they have done an incredible job because they are conscious of that culture and the values they want to instill in her. I have had my own struggles with secondary infertility (repeat unexplained miscarriages) and I know the heart ache and frustration that that can cause-and you are right, it is a loss of a dream that causes grief, (and sadness and anger and "why me" etc.) I hope you find peace with it all-it's a long journey to that peace I think, and acceptance of what God intends for us. Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-12280216999457378482016-05-23T07:12:41.089-04:002016-05-23T07:12:41.089-04:00Katie, I'm so sorry to hear about that-it is S...Katie, I'm so sorry to hear about that-it is SO hard as a parent to know when to step in and help (because sometimes they DO genuinely need it for sure and that is NOT helicopter parenting, it's just parenting period) and when to back away. Trust me, I've made the same mistake both ways several times in my life as a parent and probably will continue to. (I've even experienced a similar situation as your son growing up and never told a soul and I regret it as I was too young and afraid to know how to handle it on my own.) These are big complicated situations (not "I didn't get the cupcake I wanted"), and you are absolutely right-sometimes we have to step in.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-16821810863498516182016-05-22T17:10:02.889-04:002016-05-22T17:10:02.889-04:00I'm the oldest of a family of 6 and I totally ...I'm the oldest of a family of 6 and I totally agree that coming from such a big family has shaped me in so many good ways. My husband and I always dreamed of having a large family, but for about 3 years now, we have been struggling with unexplained infertility. We hope we'll be fortunate enough to successfully conceive through in vitro fertilization, but through our struggle so far with infertility, we've painfully learned that we don't have control over how many children we have or when we have them. It's very unlikely that we'll ever be able to conceive without IVF, and the expense of that procedure ($12,000+ which insurances won't cover) will probably always dictate when we are able to add children to our family. (And before anyone jumps in to say "just adopt!" let me clarify that adoption is wonderful and we'll take that route if we're led to it, but it happens to also be a cost-prohibitive route to the tune of $30,000+). I always envisioned having lots of kids for all the reasons you wrote about, but that probably won't be my reality, and the loss of that dream of a big family is something I grieve. I know this post is not intended to criticize anyone's choice of family size, but I just wanted to point out that having a smaller family does not always happen by choice. I love reading your blog and I really look up to you in the way that you mother and I totally have some of your posts filed away for when I finally have a baby. I just wish I knew how to intentionally create the same kind of family culture and sibling relationships that seem to happen naturally in large families in my future family which I have to accept may consist of just one or two children depending on what God has in store for us. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10498254148177254129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-91588055279123575782016-05-22T14:45:45.705-04:002016-05-22T14:45:45.705-04:00My husband and I were just talking about this! Hop...My husband and I were just talking about this! Hoping that the small everyday mortifications of living in a larger family will instill those lessons that parents of fewer (by choice or fate) have to work harder to teach. Hopefully we can add some more to our brood because my children surely need those lessons!! And I the character development to handle it all! I agree with everything you say and I'm on the thirty year plan for getting kids into adulthood and hopefully our family expanding beyond that. But yes, it's WORK!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06546383087759696930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-16044065807479421362016-05-22T13:08:49.880-04:002016-05-22T13:08:49.880-04:00Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for your w...Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for your wisdom and common sense. As a mother of 5, I ALWAYS feel better and more confident after reading your blog posts. God bless you and your family.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445855504755151360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-54588548448022896892016-05-22T12:51:07.641-04:002016-05-22T12:51:07.641-04:00So many good points, Sarah! I want to add some p...So many good points, Sarah! I want to add some perspective, though, about the bullying. My son was bullied for years - years. We always encouraged him to work it out himself, telling him that we and his terrific guidance counselor were his "wingmen" he could rely on for support, advice, etc. So, he did handle it himself, repeatedly.<br /> Somehow, however, what we thought was our supportive-but-independence-encouraging attitude backfired. <br />My son in 8th grade developed ongoing, severe headaches, stomach pain and nausea. He missed a lot of school during 8th grade. (It wasn't a matter of coddling him - he couldn't get out of bed.) We spent lots of time at the Cleveland Clinic, where a pediatric gastroenterologist discovered his problems were initiated by a bad stomach flu, which did not heal correctly because of ongoing stress. So,he got medicine, more help and continued support and things finally got better in high school. He's a pretty tough kid now, a star high school debater and excellent student. But looking back, I have regrets about how we handled things. I think he could have benefited from some "helicopter parenting." It's important to note that even extremely wise parenting perspectives can't be applied to every kid in every situation.KatieLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08822320870229121693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2331752969086770281.post-86053419306668537462016-05-22T09:01:49.110-04:002016-05-22T09:01:49.110-04:00For the hundredth time, Sarah, I wish we lived in ...For the hundredth time, Sarah, I wish we lived in the same town! I love your perspective and common sense approach to parenting. Thanks for the reminders. :)--JoyUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16520729238283880651noreply@blogger.com