) and love it. My mom had the opportunity to hear one of the authors speak at an event for teachers and she thought I would enjoy the book.
I can't figure out if it's my favorite because it confirms a lot of hunches (or gut feelings) I've had over the last years about the right and wrong way to approach the adolescent years or because it also challenges me to think in new ways. It reminds me a lot of one of my favorite books "Parenting With Dignity"-there are no fancy systems and quick fixes-it's not that sort of book-it's just a different way to think-a worth way to think-about raising our children and raising young adults. I also love a larger look then the present moment of time-100 or 200 years ago-how have things changed? What does teen/young adult life look like in other parts of the world? I think having a broader vision can indicate where we need to improve and change our approaches and what odd new ideas (or good ones!) we've had that have improved or stressed our relationships and our children's upbringing.
I have so many corners turned over. In essence: Our teens need to be challenged. They need adult expectations and responsibilities. They need to do meaningful work, and feel needed in that work. If we want their respect, we need to treat them respectfully. We need to have relationships with our teens-that connection proves to be more important than rules and regulations. They need adult relationships not just relationships with fellow teens. We need to expect more from them (not talking about SAT scores) and ask for their help with complicated or adult-level tasks we might expect them not to be able to do (but they can and will manage them!).
A few of my turned-down pages:
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Sarah, this looks like an interesting book. Another read would be "Do Hard Things." This would be more for the teens. It was written by two teenage boys that chose to do hard things. It is inspiring in that it ask the teens to do more than expected and to use your youth to serve the Lord. It was really good. I read it with my teen boy and will break it out again for my girl.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. It seems like common sense to me, but I grew up in a home where expectations were high! I can't say as I have always followed through with my children, but I wholeheartly agree that in general teens are given way too much and little expected of them.
ReplyDeleteLove your insight!
ReplyDeleteWow. Going to have to get that book (eventhough my kids are 3, 1, and in the womb--due in a month). Perspective...so hard to keep and the first thing I lose.
ReplyDeleteI'll second Kim on encouraging your teens to read "Do Hard Things"... I'm a Mum to two little ones, but we bought "Do Hard Things" for my 17 year old brother and I know he found it a really good and challenging read. Its basically the same message as it seems this book you're reading is, but it is geared at the teens rather than the parents. Could be a good book to recommend your older three and provoke some good discussions as you read this book yourself! By the way, I'll be bookmarking this one to read when my girls hit the teenage years!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recommendation. As somebody reminded me at church, when I was a teen myself, "The term "teenager" is a 20th century phenomenon... it didn't exist before then - young people were either children, or young adults..." so true!
Thanks as always for your insightful and honest parenting!
Claire x
By the way, on the theme of books... I know you're an avid reader... would appreciate your suggestions on my blog post today - recommended books for our girls - as I know you've done something on this recently...
ReplyDeletehttp://clarinascontemplations.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/great-girls-your-girls-should-know.html
Much love from the UK (and a fellow Downton Abbey/Call the Midwife fan!)
Claire
Sounds like a wonderful book (wish I'd known about it prior to now, as ours are now 19 and 23). However, I agree with several of the statements on the pages you have turned down. Two things we noted while going through the middle/high school years in particular is this generations lack of accountability and the fact that they feel certain things (such as owning a cell phone and driving a car) are a right not a privilege earned! In some instances we did have to go back to the old saying, "if you want to be treated like an adult, than act like one."
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is almost 13. Would it be helpful to me or is it geared more toward older teens?
ReplyDeleteThanks,, I always love your book suggestions!
I have to concur with Do Hard Things. Our young adults have read it and it has helped reinforce what we are teaching and expecting in our family.
ReplyDeletedo you have link for the other book parenting with dignity that you mentioned?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is nearly 13 but I have 2 older step-daughters who are late 20s early 30s and they were very young when we married. It's funny because I have excellent adult relationships with them because when they were little I treated them as adults because I didn't know how to relate to children. I guess I should treat my own daughter the same. Both step daughters have a bad relationship with their mom because of yelling, criticism etc. Great advice Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI love the insights in the passages you shared. I will add this to my list. Navigating these teen years is so difficult. I have been riveted by the Steubenville case...it's appalling on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteDitto Kim-- Do Hard Things would be a great read for your teens
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this! I think it is important that all kids know how to cook, clean and make minor home repairs before they leave for college. I have a list of things that they will be able to accomplish and was wondering if you did too, before Isaac left for school? hugs, Cathy
ReplyDeleteLove your writing and wisdom. Our son is four and I discovered your blog a couple of years ago.
ReplyDeleteI work for a public library and think it's great that you get so much use out of your library too. I don't recommend dog earring your books. A bookmark is great especially for a library book. I use large post it notes and jot down ideas. I'll use the classic example....., 'if everyone dog eared the books' they would be in bad shape.