One thing I've learned this summer about raising teenagers is that I know nothing about raising teenagers. It is, honest to God, the most humbling experience I think I'll ever have. Maybe when I'm all "finished" (as much as you can be) with raising all of these kids...all six of them out of the house and on their own and with families of their own, I'll have an answer or two. Until then, we are flying by the seats of our pants here, like all other parents of teens across the world, and trying to ride the waves.
It's a whole different ball game folks and as rewarding as it is to see kids grow and change and mature and become adults, it will knock you back down to the ground quicker than you can shove that big piece of "humble pie" down your throat.
But this is an example of a moment of teenager-hood I love. Isaac had a dentist appointment across town and so did Patrick. I called from my OB's office where I needed a non-stress test so I would be held up awhile and told Isaac he had to handle it all himself. Feed Patrick lunch, look up directions, install and make sure Patrick was safe in his car seat and drive him to the appointment (leave on time!) and then make sure Patrick was OK during his first cavity-filling experience. (I am lucky that the dentist was my brother-in-law so Isaac and Patrick had lots of back-up support.)
I was waiting patiently to see how the whole she-bang went and in they walked with smiles on their faces when they got home...and Isaac even took Patrick, on his own, with his own money, to Mr. Freeze for the perfect cheek-numbing treat afterwards.
I think years ago before I had teens I would have read this post and thought "big deal". But now I know-it IS a big deal in so many ways. To care for a younger sibling (for teens to think outside themselves is a HUGE deal!), to drive carefully enough to be trusted with precious cargo, to navigate directions and get some place on time, to follow a host of speedily given instructions by me, to spend money earned by themselves on someone besides themselves...I love it all.
But I'm NOT bragging, no way, that's like asking for it big time when it comes to teenage parenting. If I do that, someone will come home with a tattoo or a speeding ticket, or purple colored hair. (Please no!) I just need to remember the little steps in the right direction to remind me that we just might be gaining ground here all around.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
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Have to admit. I'm not looking forward to the teen thing. But maybe it might surprise me. Love for you to write more about it... Bc teenage boys are a mystery to me :)
ReplyDeleteI have preteens and little ones at home, but I know that is a big deal. Way to go Isaac.
ReplyDeleteThose are the wonderful parenting payoffs--thanks so much for sharing it with us! My oldest is 9 and I love it when I catch glimpses of her maturing spirit as it helps offset those "other" moments. :)
ReplyDeleteWe live in NW Hillsdale County, MI..moving to Monroe and my husband will be working as an engineer in Perrysburg....as the mother to an almost 25 year old...and I have only ONE child...I understand..teenagers are a species unto themselves....mine went to EMU and now lives in northern California..he is an adult and chose to live there...its not my job to have admin rights to his life...he's been happy and sees us at xmas and in the summer...it somehow works itself out....you have other children thankfully ( I couldn't have anymore) so you can enjoy the experience as mom longer than I can...but soak it up...because as they become adults...we HAVE to let go so they can find their way in this vast world...so that when the day comes that they have a family to support they know how to....as moms I know its hard..but we have to step back...my father was a roman catholic priest from County Kerry Ireland when he came to this country in 1945...and he always said...when it came to the kids...let them be...just let them be...with good structure and strength in family...they'd be fine...and he was right...my 24 year old is just that..24...its not my job to police him etc..I love him because he is him..not in spite of who he is....he is fabulous just the way he is
ReplyDeleteI love this story! This is a huge deal, Sarah. I think one of my biggest jobs as parents is to help our kids become self-sufficient - to be able to do, responsibly, capably, exactly the kind of thing Isaac did today. It's all about eventually working ourselves out of a job. My husband and I are consciously letting go of doing so much for our children. This summer, my daughter (14) flew to Boston by herself (clearing US customs on her own, finding her connection in Toronto). She was scared at times, but the self-confidence boost from her success and knowing that we trusted her and believed enough in her to do it was huge.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog, btw. Came to know you through 71 toes. You may feel like you're muddling your way through, but you've helped me a lot :)
Isn't that great - you have a right to be proud!
ReplyDeleteSuper kids!
ReplyDeleteHonestly the kindness that your children show each other does not surprise me one bit. Not after following your blog for so long. You and Jeff are wonderful, meaningful parents. Children learn from what they are shown.
Now what I can't get over is how young Isaac looks....and he is going off to college. I must be getting really old to feel he looks so young!! LOL
I love this story! I have two teenage stepsons and three younger kids, so I know what a big deal this is.
ReplyDeleteThis is SUCH a big deal. A beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, it didn't feel like bragging at all. To the contrary, it's important to have stories like this to strive for.
I can relate Sarah, I think my 19 yr old son is the only kid who would drive around with a car seat in his big truck just because his younger brother (5) loves to be with him any chance he gets. And he loves to take him. Treasured moments we as mothers won't soon forget and hopefully neither will the brothers.
ReplyDeleteIsaac added another memory for Patrick to add to his bank of things to remember when Isaac is gone. I also think it is wonderful and funny how we are not surprised and surprised at the same time when our kids tend to one another in kind and nurturing ways. I bet Isaac was very careful with his precious cargo, his little brother.
ReplyDeleteI can tell after surviving four teenagers the one word that pops to my mind is unpredictable. One minute they do something totally amazing and selfless and the next minute they are melting down and only thinking of themselves. Enjoy it all because it does go by so quickly.
ReplyDeleteSue
Yes that is HUGE! I have an 11 yo boy and a 1 year old boy so I am sure I will need him in the future for things like this so this gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteHe's a good big brother now I assume it can only get better *wink wink*
Watching your kids taking care of each other is one of the best things ever! My oldest son (22) is so sweet and protective of his littlest (14) sister. It makes you feel like you must be doing something right!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Love this post! Much to learn and much to teach, Sarah. It is wonderful to draw teens outside of themselves and something to celebrate. And glad you have learned lesson #1: "Never say Never!!!" I learned that long ago but especially need it now as a parent of teens. Teens have taught me: patience, how to stay up late, that I can talk to them, they can still find a way to get in trouble....so I don't judge anymore...I, too, have been humbled.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story! I had always wished I had an older brother when I was a kid (I'm the oldest). I just thought older brothers were the coolest. I had cousins who filled the roll, and hopefully my son can be the awesome older brother that Isaac is in this story. :)
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of a brand new teenager (13 on the 13th) I got a bit teared up when I read your story! I am just starting to see my son "step up to the plate" and help or protect his sister when I'm not around (sometimes words like "appropriate" get thrown around!). I know what you mean...don't say it too loud or your jinxed!
ReplyDeleteIt would only be bragging if you made it sound easy and you don't. You make it sound like the result of years of steady, loving parenting. You have every right to be proud and so does Isaac. The look on his face shows he knows he did a wonderful thing. Lucky little brother!
ReplyDeleteThis post made me tear up because it IS such a big deal! When things like that happen one thinks with relief for a split second, "Maybe my kids will all turn out ok!"
ReplyDeleteReally sweet...I'm sure your little one will cherish his time with his big brother. My hubby still talks about how much he remembers getting to hang out with his older sister. She is 7 years older than he, and it really meant a lot to him when he was a kid to get to hang out with her. Good times...
ReplyDeletexo,
jennifer
I can't tell you how much I adore this post. It's just awesome
ReplyDeleteBy the way....just how old is Isaac? Because honestly (and I hope he doesn't read these comments)he looks like he is 12 or 13 at the most. I was pointing him out in some photos on your blog and I asked my kids how old they thought he was and they all said 12 or 13. It might be awful news right now, but he's going to love it when he's around 50.
I loved this story! I am loving having teens... and am glad all those dire predictions of "enjoy them now while they're little... just WAIT until those teenage years... you'll wish they were little again"... hasn't come true. I do realize that I've got some really great kiddos, and I say "please no" to the tattoos, speeding tickets, and purple hair too, knock on wood... but overall, they're just becoming good people, and I enjoy being around them.
ReplyDeleteI do know what a big deal that is, and I don't have a teenager yet. You have a great family, and even though you're not "bragging", you have every right to. Nothing brings me more happiness as a mother than to see my kids being nice to each other without being prompted.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this story! What great kids you have :-)
ReplyDeleteOne thing that comes to mind is TRUST. You trusted him to take care of things. Do you have any idea what that did for him? He may not even realize it. You may not even think you trusted him...but you did. This is HUGE to me. I raised three teens. I love the teenage years...but I didn't trust them enough. I wish I had.
ReplyDeleteYou won't know anymore after they are all raised and out of the house. :) I have four: 35, 34, 31 and 27.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't get easier, just different.
That is definitely pay-off. I cannot wait 'til Max can drive!
ReplyDeleteAmen to that!!! All of it. This was the best post ever. To have a parent RECOGNIZE and validate all the good things we do as teens, is HUGE!!! It goes a LONG way...
ReplyDeleteSo "long way" that you have only maybe less than 1% chance of " someone coming home with a tattoo or a speeding ticket, or purple colored hair. " ; ) Just sayin'
Good job Isaac and Patrick! Way to go.
That's fantastic! What a great big brother! I can only hope that my sons are teenagers like that when they get there! And they will all be teenagers at once, so I'm really, really hoping they will be like that or I don't know what the consequences for me!
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed this post. What a sweet brother and son. Love this!
ReplyDeleteI still think back to your post a long while back about dealing with teens about "break an arm, walk away". Another great post about teenagers. So true, all of it. We just took our oldest 6 hours away to college. We left his dorm room and I'm sure I'll never want to see it again, but he wanted it organized to start with so I felt hope! Best of luck taking Issac.
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