Andrew asked me if he could help with dinner one night. Heck yes.
Earlier that day Isaac stayed home in the morning because he had an ortho appointment and got his braces off. Yay! He came home and shared the tin of popcorn they gave him (yes, we have awesome orthos who give the kids all sorts of prizes and rewards and yes, I also know that we paid for that :), but when he got back, he sat down, turned on the sports channel and we started talking about stuff. It was so nice to have an "adult" to talk to during the day. But then I said, "Wait, what are you doing sitting here? You are supposed to be in school! Get to school!" I really forgot for a second, and if I wasn't a responsible parent, I could have let him stay home for the day and keep me company.
Patrick lost my Ipod. It was my back-up Ipod because he lost my REAL Ipod in the fall. I set out a reward of $10 for anyone who finds it. It is somewhere in this house, I know that for sure. But meanwhile, Abbey is letting me borrow hers. Sometimes I just need some music during that afternoon dinner prep slump time.
Matthew is always willing to keep Patrick busy and I appreciate it SO much.
Jeff was out with Isaac at a basketball banquet the other night when I realized horror or horrors-I had no OJ for next morning's smoothie. My morning smoothie is what coffee is to everyone else- I HAVE to have it or I just can't function. I texted Jeff before I went to bed and begged him to stop and get some before he came home. I woke up to find OJ...and these.
Some days I can find fault with everything and everyone. Sometimes I get crabby and snappy for no reason. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when all the kids get home from school and are talking to me all at once. Sometimes it seems like all the kids are fighting with each other. Sometimes I feel like no one appreciates me, and the work I do every day. Sometimes all I notice is the backpack thrown in the middle of the kitchen floor, the unmade bed, the broken rule, the messy counter, the bad mood, the careless put-down.
I was at a short mother/daughter retreat with Abbey this Sunday and one of the retreat leaders told us a statistic about how many more times parents criticize their children, than say something positive to them. It made me feel sick inside. I know I am very sensitive to one tiny bit of rare criticism from my husband or children. Dinner a little too salty? New blanket itchy? Why am I in a bad mood again? I act defensive and my mad and my feelings get hurt immediately. But I know in my heart I hand it out MUCH more easily than I take it in. How would I feel if someone criticized or corrected me 10 times for every one compliment? Awful. AWFUL. I know I have been pretty darn good at the criticism lately. I have come by my Lenten resolution quite easily this season.
But there are little reminders all throughout my life about why I should be so grateful every minute of every day to have the family that I have...that loves me unconditionally and does appreciate me, each in their own ways. I love them all so much. If I look for the good I always find it-of course I can find the annoying in there if I so desire also, but I find when I say thank you, when I am grateful, when I OUT LOUD appreciate the little things that everyone does to chip in and make this household run, those things magically multiply. It's funny how that works.
30 comments:
I am working on this too. You are right, the sweetness and obedience multiply when we provide so much positive feedback to our children.
Start subscribing to Joel Osteen's daily devotional message! It will seriously change your attitude every day! It's the first thing I read in the morning ( and then Clover Lane!). Lol. He seriously has the best message ever! Trust me!
So so true Sarah! What wise words spoken at that retreat...very inspiring for us all too.
I have this quote I keep saying over and over in my head...change your focus, change your life.:)it works!!
have a happy day sarah.
love tulips!!:)
Great reminder! It is easy to feel like I am justified in my criticism, since I'm the Mom and have to train them, but how much more effort would it really take to counter the training with encouraging words?
I love you, you know that?
Very wise words.
My mom and grandma are always throwing around the phrase "you take everything so seriously!" And you know what, I've come to realize that I indeed do. But that's just who I am. If every time you come to my house you mention the fact that my lawn and trees need some serious attention (even if jokingly), then every time I look at those trees I will feel like a huge failure.
I'm 27, have two beautiful babies (3 yr old girl 9 mo. old boy) and I hope I can learn to praise at least three times as much as I correct. But boy, it's hard some times.
thanks for the reminder!
xoxo
I sooo need to work on this too. Thanks for the reminder:)
Wow Sarah - you hit a home run with this post! I am always just slightly aware of the criticism that I throw out there and constantly try to remind myself to equate the compliments and praise with the criticism (or more so, if possible!) It's so true how the kiddos seem to rise to the occasion when we praise them, isn't it?
This is a great reminder to start my day with. Thanks for that and have a great Tuesday.
Thank you for this reminder, and the acknowledgement that you struggle with this too. My husband and I discuss this often--our need to stop being so critical. We just talked about it again yesterday, how our unkind words will get played like a tape in our kids' heads for their whole life. Just the same as the tapes (iPods?) have been playing in our own heads most of our lives. We're constantly working on it, and it's good to know at least that we're not the only ones, and we can improve (and have already, truth be told).
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Great post Sarah! I too need to work on this area of my life.
Maybe it's a spring thing, because I have been trying really hard to focus on this too. Praise is so much nicer to hear, isn't it? I know I feel a bit taller when I receive it and a little more down trodden when criticized. Thank you for sharing part of you with us.
The things I find myself thinking are the words you usually write! I was full of complaints this weekend and when I stop and REALLY look at what everyone in my family did, they were helpful and cheerful and I need to pay better attention and say "Thank you." I will start with you. Thank you for your words Sarah! They will set the tone for the rest of my day!!
I so needed this today, thanks Sarah!
Ouch, good reminder for me today! Thank you.
Great way to start out the day! I think we all do this as parents to mean well, not me mean or nasty. Although I do see my fair share of parents who are flat out tearing their child apart (in public of all places) and those words hurt me as an innocent bystander. Its all about the little changes we make each day that will add up! Love your blog and keep up the inspirational words! :)
We are responsible for everyone so it's difficult to stop and laugh. Stop and enjoy. We just bark orders around the house..at least I do. My family tells me I don't talk nice. Ouch. I need to work on that too! Thanks for the reminder..always inspiring!
Sarah, thank you so much for the reminder! Yes, this is my Lenten sacrifice, too....and I am trying so hard to be grateful out loud!! I JUST found out I am pregnant with baby number 5, and have been feeling a little sick...so the Lord is REALLY putting me to the test!
Thank you for the beautiful reminder:).
~Julia
this is a great reminder to all of us. we all have those cranky days.
What a wonderful surprise! It is so good to think and swell on the good things. They are always there.
beautiful post. And just what I needed today. Thank you!!
I love this! I have been in a definite winter slump of crabbiness and little patience. This was a great reminder to me to be more concious about my words and handing out praise and thanks to my family. Thank YOU!!
I am experiencing the same thing here. I've been trying to have more humility, (as in, "hmmm..they probably learned that tone-of-voice/habit/etc from me), less preaching, and focus on setting an example for them to follow. Thank goodness spring is coming when we will all have more space and room to breath in the great outdoors!
Oh it's so easy to find fault, isn't it!? But you are absolutely right. I have a very hard time when criticized too. Our poor kids can't say much about it when they are or they get into more trouble! I'm going to watch that today. Positive feedback! It's always the answer. Especially when I taught school - it was my best weapon. :)
Great post! Needed this! Do you mind Sharing us your OJ smoothie?
I busted up laugh at Colleen's comment cause that's what I was going to say EXACTLY.
I love you, you know that?
Only I thought it might sound all weird and stalker ish, so I almost didn't but seriously. Everythings you write about is so dang spot on and has become one of the continuos threads that is shaping my mothering. I can't say thank you enough.
Great post. (And all your boys are suddenly looking SO grown up.)
Thank you for this. It brought me to tears. I have two young boys and am a stay at home mom. I am having a terrible time with my two year old and experiencing things I never did with my oldest, he was challenging in different ways. Sometimes I feel no one understands what I am going through, but you nailed it.
P.S. Pray to St. Anthony to help you find your IPod. When you find it, just say thank you. I pray to him at least twice a day and he always pulls through for me.
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