Fortitude is a word often used to describe something big...a battle fought, a peak scaled, a disaster survived.
But when it comes to motherhood, I think fortitude is simpler, quiet, more constant. I think it is the perfect word to describe a trait essential when mothering many different ages, stages and personalities.
It's knowing that some things should never change...the respect and unconditional love shown to children even when they are unlovable, the values we wish to teach our children in the short years we have them with us, a constant spirit in our homes that is created by us, and the consistency in our messages that need to be heard again and again.
It's knowing that some things should never change...the respect and unconditional love shown to children even when they are unlovable, the values we wish to teach our children in the short years we have them with us, a constant spirit in our homes that is created by us, and the consistency in our messages that need to be heard again and again.
Fortitude is defined as mental and physical strength and resolute endurance. If we are to be the rock our children lean on, the eye of the storm they seek refuge in, the emotional center of our homes they come back to, the constant source of love they yearn for, the sounding board they spring from, the push they need to jump into life with strength and joy, then we must possess fortitude.
There is not doubt that mental and physical strength and endurance requires self-maintenance.
We have all heard that we need to take care of ourselves. In fact, I think it's overstated and often misinterpreted, and more annoyingly, I think, it's turned into something shallow and false. A manicure, a shopping trip with friends, a night out. Mommy makeover, mommy spa treatments, mommy's weekend away. There is nothing wrong with those of course, but I feel it's a perfect example of our culture's turn to a quick fix, a Pavlov's way of dealing with something quickly on the surface, and never looking deeper. Those things all help in the moment, and the recharge lasts for a moment, an hour, a day. They won't sustain us.
Motherhood lasts forever (forever!) and takes us up hills and down valleys, and sure there are those beautiful meadows, where as soon as we think we get it all figured out, we are shown otherwise. We meet with unchartered territory and we are filled with doubts and worries and frustration.
Manicures on the other hand, hardly make it through the dinner dishes. A shopping trip, a night out, have always seemed to me like coming up for sweet air, with just a gasp of breath allowed before we go back under and must begin to swim again.
We are looking in the wrong places perhaps. Perhaps our recharge is not "out there". Perhaps it cannot be bought, or stolen, or compacted into minutes, or hours or a few short days.
Perhaps it must be constant and is only found inside of us. A daily commitment to find a moment of solitude, to let our hearts and minds be still. A daily commitment to remind ourselves of what kind of mothers we intend to be for our children.
53 comments:
Well said. Like always. :)
You take what I think in my head and put it in beautiful words. I went to a church function hoping to be fortified once and it was manicures and pedis (that you had to pay for). I left disgusted because I needed so much MORE than that. I have to get up before my children to (which is 6 a.m.) and take time for me...I read scriptures or other uplifting books, pray and ponder. I also exercise...those things if they are constant make me a MUCH better Mommy and person!
Long time lurker... thanks for this post. :)
I love your blog. Thank you for the amazing words you share. :)
Beautiful! I have found that just this is so true for me, but haven't put it into words. I will be sending this link to my friends.
So true. "Fortitude" is a word I actually connect to my days in team athletics when I was younger, but fortitude in mothering is so much more understated! Its intensity has fewer surges. This year I've recommitted myself to having more charity, and once again, I find that the most important charity isn't the outward stuff, it's the foundational inner stuff that "never faileth"--constant kindness, patience, humility, and more.
Oh boy, you said a mouthful. I love how people throw around the "take a break" line. If someone has figured out a way without feeling guilty or spending money, let me know. Awesome post.
Love this post & couldn't agree more. Thanks for putting it into words.
Such true words. Thank you for sharing.
What a powerful word "Fortitude" is... I really enjoyed this post. Would love to know what inspired you to write it? Sometimes the story behind the "story" is just as amazing. Love reading your blog! Thank you for sharing this "snippet" of your life and thoughts!
I absolutely love what you have said here!! I feel the same way. Thank you for sharing this.
This is beautiful. Thank you!
so beautiful, sara. love the word fortitude!
Ah, so true. I'm not sure if I have found my fortitude or not. I know that I don't find it in a manicure, that's for sure!
Your words are refreshing, particularly when we have information overload every single day. Spending a few quiet, introspective minutes is very underrated. Thanks :)
oh so true ;)
Wow! Sarah, you are so right! You write the truth so beautifully! :) Thank you! You help me to stay centered and fortified...
you are so right and I love the word you chose. While I love me a night out that leaves me energized and refreshed, the effects are only temporary. Like anything that is hard (and worth doing) the will to continue and do what's right has to come from within.
Great post, I totally feel the same way!
Just beautiful! Great post! I needed to read this today!
Good words. Yes, culture changes, but the way we want our children to be doesn't. We need these moments of silence, time in prayer, to help us realize what's important. Otherwise it's all to easy to go with the flow...
One of the best posts I've ever read...so much TRUTH! :)
Excellent, thoughtful post Sarah. "A daily commitment to find a moment of solitude, to let our hearts and minds be still." <-- Love that.
I love this Sarah. Just what I needed today. You've perfectly described the mother I intend to be for my children: "the rock our children lean on, the eye of the storm they seek refuge in, the emotional center of our homes they come back to, the constant source of love they yearn for, the sounding board they spring from, the push they need to jump into life with strength and joy." And you're so right that the way to be all these things is to reach within each day and find our strength, our fortitude.
I'm trying to find that fortitude in between the newborn feedings and the chaos.
Thanks for the reminder.
So beautiful! Thanks Sarah. xoxo
Very uplifting! I love how you put things into words that describe how I feel but haven't been able to express! Thank you!
So funny, whenever I come visit your blog you have the perfect words for what I need on that exact day. I needed some words of wisdom today, some emotional food. I feel relieved now somehow, my soul a little more nourished, and for that I thank you! :-)
Beautiful - thank you.
That was a beautiful post. And so true. I agree with you 100 percent!
Thanks for being an inspiration and and example of true motherhood.
Amen to that!!! Sing it sister! ; D
Loved this post. So true. Every word of it.
I love this blog! I love how real you and your family are. The picture of your family on the last post was so great - you have a beautiful family, but there's crying and squinting involved. That's so comforting to see!! It reminds me of my own family pictures and that no family is perfect (though they may seem that way). As for this post, the advice you give was so needed for me! I'll have to take some time just being still - thank you!!
Loved your post. You hit the name on the head, in every sentence and thought.
So refreshing to read this from someone who knows what she is talking about. After my second child, I had post-partum depression. Although I was greatly helped from counseling, I also knew I was ready to move on when my counselor told me that I needed to put my kids in daycare and do something for myself, like get a part-time job. That advice was frustrating for me because I didn't want to find happiness away from my kids, and then have to come home and do the "drudgery" of motherhood. I wanted to be happy being a mom. Luckily, this counselor was not my only resource, and over time I was able to find that daily joy in motherhood.
Thank you for your poetic words.
Loved this! thanking your for writing it so wonderfully!
I hope to become a mother in the next two years or so and this post really clicked for me. I'm sure I'll be referencing your words for years to come - thank you!
Yes, Yes, YES!! You're absolutely right! I hope thousands of young moms are reading these words of yours today. I get really sad--and sometimes really mad!--when I read women's magazines, and see all the advice to moms to take lots of "me" time. Moms are spending so much time and money on pampering themselves, and they're still left without the strength they need. That same false voice that tells parents that they need to mollycoddle their kids tells them that they need to pamper and indulge themselves. . . and the result is that no one is strong.
I haven't left a comment here in awhile, but I read nearly every post you write, and I always appreciate what you have to say--especially today! Thank you!!
I just found your blog and it couldn't have been better timing! Thanks for reminding me what motherhood is really about and that I really do adore being a mother. I've been in a funk lately and this is what I needed to read.
xo
What a timely message for me. Thank you! I just read another message this morning that touched me deeply- along these same lines. You might love it, too. I'll attach the link, in case you're interested.
http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-transforming-power-of-faith-and-character?lang=eng
that was amazing. it was like you were in my brain, knowing exactly what i was thinking and kindly redirecting me elsewhere. i'm speechless at your tact and honesty. thank you for being such an amazing blogger/mentor. you have inspired me more than you will ever know.
I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before, but wanted to let you know this post was just what I needed today. Thank you!
Brilliant. Amen!
I love reading your blog, but I especially love your posts on motherhood. It's such a demanding job--but it's the most rewarding job in the world. Thank you for these inspiring words.
I've thought about this post all day. It's true that "ME" time is overrated. I enjoy talking to other women about womanly concerns, and family concerns, and community concerns...throw in some refreshments and I'm doing fine.
If I can also spend time with the family as a whole sharing scriptures, playing games, role-playing, discussions, etc., then I can see that my family is growing in the right ways, and I feel rewarded.
Sarah - thank you so much for your beautiful words. I feel the same way - me time is when I can sit and think/pray/maybe a little needlepoint - preferably in a clean room with the windows open! Why go somewhere else when I am where I want to be?
I LOVED this! I hope you don't mind, but I linked to your post in my blog today. Absolutely perfect message...so many of us needed to hear it!!
Amen...you've put my recent thoughts on this subject into words that make sense. Thanks for these great, inspiring posts!
So beautifully put as always and so so so true!
Thank you, love it.
I love the post and the word fortitude is so perfect. I need to find fortitude - it is more an action word than having patience, of which I have none, but I can find some fortitude for sure - its something more tangible to me than patience. I'm reading a book your commended "These is My Words" and oh boy, that mom had fortitude!!
Beautiful Sarah! So well said!
Your writing about motherhood touches my heart.
I know that we sometimes need a little rest from our job as mothers, but the real rest comes when you see the success of your children that you have spent so much of your effort on. I have five children, and they are all married now, and really doing well. I feel so good when I look at their lives, and I know that it was all worth it. I still continue to worry at times, about everything they are going through, but I know that I have helped to prepare them for all that will come their way. That is the peace and rest that comes from being a 24/7 mom.
You got me thinking. Wonderfully written. Thank you!
As usual you give support and comfort to a "newer" mom striving to be the best mom she can be! Thank you. And I also think you need a tab at the side with all your fantastic quotes;)
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